This, Yumichika decided, was all Abarai Renji's fault.
The sky was unbroken cornflower blue, except for a wisp of cirrus in the upper righthand corner that looked like someone had torn a bit off a cotton ball and dropped it there. For lack of anything else to do he focussed on it. Two of his ribs were doing their level best to keep air from entering his lungs, and his jaw pounded dully. Was that molar loose?
"Good grief, you stupid nancy-pansy arse, are you done?" said a voice. Yumichika thought about moving his neck, and did so stiffly. The leafy top of a tree came into view, then the trunk, then Ikkaku leaning against the trunk. He looked rather the worse for wear, but he was on his feet, and Hoozukimaru dangled from his hand.
"It was an automatic promotion," he said. "Automatic. No fighting required."
"I just don't like four," said Yumichika.
"Why the hell not? It's one higher than five!"
"It's ugly. I mean it's all very well for you but—"
"What?"
"It's stiff as a board. Right angles sticking out everywhere and - ugh. Just ugh. Graceless. Whereas three—" He sketched a vague form in the air with one hand.
"I'm not hearing this," Ikkaku said.
"And it's an unlucky number. Shi. Homonym for death."
"What, like the 'shi' in 'shinigami' you mean?"
"Are you trying to provoke me?" Yumichika said evenly. Ikkaku stared at him.
"You're just going to have to suck it up and deal," he said.
"I'll stay fifth."
"Switch seats with Iba? The Captain would wipe the floor with you on principle."
"Of course not. There just won't be a fourth seat, that's all."
"You're raving nutters," said Ikkaku. He pushed away from the tree trunk. "Can you stand? Make me call the medics for you and I'll kick your ass again."
Yumichika took the proferred hand, ignoring his ribs' screech of protest. "Rank isn't everything, you know. I hear they demoted Abarai to eighth seat when they took him."
"Yeah, and I hear the Sixth Division are a bunch of stuck-up self-important snots." Ikkaku snorted through his nose. "Kuchiki Byakuya, he says. Him and what army?"
"At least Captain Kuchiki's pretty," Yumichika pointed out. Ikkaku made an exaggerated gagging noise.