Long, long ago, in the mountains of Myougi, there was a young man who lived alone and loved to race. From the time that he was a boy, he worked hard and saved until he had enough to buy his beloved little red Honda Civic SiR EG-6.

Every day, this young man would race down the roads of Mt. Myougi, flashing his lights in challenge and hoping to find someone worthy. However, most drivers could not match his skill and so he would nudge their bumpers in annoyance.

One day, after another disappointing run, the young man sat on the hood of his car, smoking and thinking that it would be nice to have someone to race with.

"But who will race with me?"

The young man had not expected a response to his mostly rhetorical question, so imagine his surprise when he heard a deep voice answer him.

"I'll race with you."

The young man was so startled that he swallowed, instead of inhaling, and started to cough.

"Who--?"

"I said I'll race with you." The voice said again. Then, so softly that he wasn't even sure that he heard it, the voice added, "Idiot."

The young man narrowed his eyes and looked around, trying to find the speaker of the deep voice, but there was no one there except for him. Knowing that he was not going mental and hearing voices in his head, unlike *some* people he knew, the young man got off the hood of his car and kept on looking. He walked to the side of the road and asked again, listening carefully, "Who will race with me?"

"Damn, are you deaf or something? I said I would race with you, didn't I?" the voice snapped, irritated, and sounding like it came from below his feet.

The young man growled and looked down, but the only thing he could find was a snail half-hidden in the dirt. The young man took a closer look at the snail and noticed that this snail had rather large and unusual eyes. If he didn't know any better, he would have said that the snail was wearing eyeliner, but that was ridiculous, so he didn't.

Shrugging his shoulders, the young man picked up the snail and took it home with him because he was superstitious and thought that the snail might bring him luck. That, and he'd always wanted a pet that he wouldn't have to put a lot of care into.

The next morning, he got up and stood blinking at his small single apartment. His small, single, *clean* apartment. Not just clean, but fucking *sparkling*. His apartment had never been so clean. Then, the young man's nose twitched. He followed the tasty smells coming from his tiny kitchen and found a simple breakfast of rice and miso soup. Not even thinking about where the meal had come from, the young man picked up his chopsticks, said, "Itedakimasu!" and devoured the food in ten seconds flat.

Seeing that he would soon be late for work, the young man picked up his keys and rushed out the door to his car. Which was now clean enough to eat off of. Shaking his head in amusement, he drove off to work.

That night, on Mt. Myougi, bright headlights flashed into his rear-view mirror and blinked in challenge. Anticipation rising in his throat, the young man grinned and gunned his engine. The powerful roar of what sounded like a RB26DETT engine tuned to an inch of its life answered him.

"Alright! Finally, a race!"

For several miles, the young man's Civic and the mystery driver's Skyline raced down the winding road of Mt. Myougi. Never had he felt such exhilaration, such excitement, such pure *joy* and the young man couldn't help but wish that he could have an opponent like this every day. Finally, right before the last corner, the Skyline pulled ahead and he caught a quick glimpse of an intense-looking young man with striking eyes.

But, no matter how he tried, he couldn't catch up to the Skyline and the young man sighed in resignation. Oh, well, perhaps he would see the intense-looking young man with striking eyes again.

When the young man got home, he found a delicious-looking dinner waiting for him. This time, he had the chance to realize how unusual this was. In fact, it was just plain weird. He scowled and wondered if someone was breaking into his apartment. But then, why would that someone straighten up all his clutter and cook him meals? The unusual nature of the phenomenon did not prevent him from devouring the tasty meal.

Thinking that he would get to the bottom of this mystery, the young man finished his dinner, had a cigarette to settle his stomach, and then took a shower before going to bed. Instead of going to sleep, however, he only pulled his blankets over his head and waited. And waited. And waited. Bored, he pulled up the memory of the image of the intense-looking young man with striking eyes. There was something familiar about him that kept niggling at the back of the young man's mind.

Finally, a couple hours after he'd gone to bed, he saw movement. At first, he had to blink several times and rub his eyes to make sure that what he was seeing was correct. The snail with the unusual eyes that he'd found by the roadside the night before was growing larger and larger. Not only was the snail growing in size, however, but it was also turning into the shape of a lean young man in a blue shirt and jeans. When the snail man was fully grown, he turned around and the young man held back a gasp. The snail man was the same intense-looking young man with striking eyes from earlier!

Shocked, he watched as the snail man puttered around his apartment, clearing away the remains of his meal and picking up his stray clothes and trash, muttering all the while about what a slob the young man was.

Not able to hold himself back any longer, the young man jumped out of bed and tackled the snail man to the ground. "Who the fuck are you and what the hell is going on here?" he growled into the startled snail man's face.

The snail man blinked up at him and then smacked him upside the head, "I'm the snail you picked up earlier, and what's it look like I'm doing? Ballet?" The snail man snickered.

The young man was confused, "But why are you a snail? No matter what you say, you know that's not normal."

"Why ask me? I was happily going on with my life, racing my GT-R, when all of a sudden, *poof* I'm a snail, and doing your housekeeping. Oh, that reminds me, you owe me forty dollars."

"What? The hell you talking about? I never hired you."

"So you like living in the pigsty it was last night?"

"Hey, it's not like I have a lot of time to clean up..." The young man trailed off and sat up. During their discussion, he had leaned in until he was nose to nose with the snail man, and pressed all along the snail man's body. He was only now realizing just how hot the guy under him was. "Uh, what's your name, anyway?"

"Nakazato Takeshi."

"I'm Shouji Shingo."

"Nice to meet you," Takeshi said. "Now would you mind getting the fuck off me?"

Shingo sweatdropped. "Oh, yeah. Sorry," he said and slowly stood up.

Takeshi snorted, "No problem."

"So how *did* you turn into a snail?"

"I have no clue. Like I said, one day, I was fine, the next I'm a snail. It was surprising as hell. Although I did hear someone cackling like crazy when it happened."

"Oh...okay. So," Shingo started, eyeing the former snail, "wanna get naked?"

"WHAT?"

Shingo blinked. "I have no idea where that came from."

Takeshi was silent for several long moments before he grinned, "Sure. Why not?"

So the two young men went off to the bed and got busy. Busy with what? Well, let's just leave that to our imaginations, shall we?

The two young men lived happily, racing each other and generally having a grand ole time. One day, however, a rich young man in a bright yellow FD drove by and saw the former snail man. 'Damn, he's hot,' he thought. 'But why's he with that rat bastard, Shouji? He should be with me, instead.'

The rich young man came up with a cunning plan. If he challenged Shouji to a race and won, the other guy would probably be impressed enough to pick him, instead. With that firmly in mind, the rich young man approached Shingo, eyeing the former snail man all the while.

"Shouji."

"Takahashi."

"I challenge you."

"Why?"

"Uh...because."

Shingo shrugged. "Sure, why not."

And the two young men went racing down the roads of Mt. Myougi. The rich young man was sure that he would win because of his superior driving skills. However, he'd failed to take into account the Honda driver's ingenuity and desire to win at all costs. At the last corner, the spot that Takeshi had overtaken him on their first race, in fact, Shingo managed to catch up to the yellow RX-7 and nudged it out of the way. Cackling all the way, he passed the startled young Takahashi and won the race.

Dejected, the rich young man drove home, hoping that his aniki didn't hear about what had happened that day. As for Shingo, he and Takeshi lived happily, racing and doing other things. And although Takeshi kept trying to get Shingo to stop, the young man kept on nudging the bumpers of all idiot drivers he came upon.

THE END

Alright, this *needs* an explanation. ^^;; A while ago, hase showed me this one pic (by tamotu, I think) of Shingo and Takeshi where Takeshi was a snail with big, rectangular eyes. That made me think of this Korean folktale about a young man who finds a snail, and the snail turns out to the be beautiful young daughter of a dragon king that got cursed for seven months. Anyways, they end up together, when a young magistrate comes by and tries to steal the snail woman from the young man. Things happen, the magistrate dies, and the young man and snail woman live happily ever after. So, of course, this makes me think of twisting the innocent li'l folktale for my own designs.

Now, when I first started writing this, I was planning on writing it as a birthday-ficcy for Xiola. But, very soon into the story, I realized that Keisuke prolly wasn't going to come out looking very good, so that meant it wouldn't work for a gift-fic for Xio, since she really likes KeiTake. So, this one is a gift-ficcy for Mizu no Ryu. But, luckily, I have a whole book of Korean folktales that I can mess with, and have found one that I think will work for Xio. *grins* All of which means that you're all going to see yet another, probably more, twisted folktale outta me. XD