My first crush on an Irish girl: I was ten years old and her name was Elaine
Little red-haired girl, well, she looked like you
But if you were ten
Which you're clearly not
Not that you look old but you get my --
I'll just stop now

OK, wait, 'cause I had a point, no
I swear I did!
Well, I think I did
Which is: all my life
-- or since I was ten --
I have had a yen
For an Irish lass

Because God knows why, like
The ancient curse of the Shiksa queens

Do I talk too much? 

Which is not to say that
I'd want Elaine
Who turned out to be
-- when I last checked in --
a Republican... 
and a parapsychologist!

If you've got a four-leaf clover
You can make my dreams come true
I will be your Hebrew slave, just
Do the things that Irish girls do

Talk about potato famine
I begin to cry on cue 
Sing about the Emerald Isle and 
Get your Irish eyes to smile and 
I could be in love with someone like you

I just left a relationship with a lovely girl 
named Elyssa Levine
She was really great 
It was all my fault 
I just got upset
Cause she slept with my brother 

So I made a vow 
Not to get caught up
In the dating scene
And the whole routine
With the cousin's friend
or the who knows what, like I
need that shit, I've got
marks to make, I've got
steps to climb 
It's the perfect time
I've got books to write
I've got things to do 
I go out my door and bump in to YOU
And the jig is up
And my vow is through
I don't know what I'm doing but
Come in and ruin me

I will write my own Ulysses
If you're there to show me how
Take me back to Glochamore
Bathe me in the River Shannon now
If you'll be Mrs O'Leary 
Baby, I will be your cow!
I'll deliver shamrocks daily 
Buy your pa a new shillelagh
I could be in love with someone like

You could be my inspiration
And get me past this block
And walk me through the great unknown and
You could be my true salvation
Unchain me from this rock
And keep me from being alone 
Cause I'm no good at being
Alone

Take me to another level
Let me play in bigger halls 
I will do a riverdance
As long as you keep answering my calls

Get me out of my apartment
Keep me from my empty walls
Someone hire John McCormack 
Start the 'Wearing o the Green'
Let me win the Irish sweepstakes 
Let me take you home, Kathleen
I could be in love with someone
I could be in love with someone
I could be in love with someone
Like
You