Sex and the Street

Rating: R
Setting: Terra Firma
Spoilers: Hardly

Notes: Ok, boys and girls…this was written a while ago for FBF as her request for Thea’s Aeryn Sun Ficathon. So it is something just a little bit …ok, way…different from my last trip to Terra Firma. At least it’s a lot shorter. What can I say?
Warnings: No real sex. Sorry. Maybe next time. No violence. Yes, there are bad words and adult conversations. That’s what the rating is for. No dark, adult themes. All of that next time, I’m pretty sure. Beta props and thanks to Eva. Drive-by review shout-outs to Susan, kaz, and Agent Rouka. As always, mistakes remain mine.
Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. They belong to Henson, et.al. No copyright infringement intended. No money being made.

“I’m not going,” Aeryn said flatly, trying to keep her balance as she swayed slightly on the stiletto heels of the strappy sandals she was wearing. She shimmied carefully as her hands sought to smooth and pull down the hem of her skirt.

Frelling stupid skirt.

“Yes. You are,” Olivia said reasonably, coming around the car to gather her charge.

Barely covers the frelling stupid Calvins.

“No. I’m not.”

I want my frelling pants.

“You’ve come this far,” Olivia encouraged, gently taking Aeryn’s hand and pulling her along through the rows of cars in the parking lot.

And my frelling pulse pistol.

“I don’t care.”

“You can do this.”

“No. I can’t,” replied Aeryn stiffly, dropping Olivia’s hand suddenly and stopping dead in her tracks, hands clenching tightly into fists at her sides.

“We’ve been over this,” Olivia sighed patiently. “A friend of my friend invited her. She thought I might need a night out. So she invited me. I thought you might need a night out, too. So I invited you.”

“And here we are.”

“We agreed.”

“You agreed. I reserved the right to change my mind,” Aeryn said reasonably. “I came. I saw. I’m leaving.”

“We’re here,” Olivia said, reaching out again to grab her hand. “We’re going.”

“Why?” Aeryn asked, softly challenging.

“Why not?” Olivia asked softly.

“I look ridiculous,” Aeryn complained, tugging down her skirt again. ”I shouldn’t be here.”

“You look incredible, really hot,” Olivia said, smiling reassuringly and reaching up to fluff the cascading curls surrounding Aeryn’s face. “You should absolutely be here. You deserve a night out.”

“What kind of event was this again?” Aeryn asked quietly.

“Just some friends from work getting together for a girls’ night out. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“I am not afraid.”

Of course you’re not,” Olivia soothed, grabbing her hand again and pulling her toward the entrance. “That’s why you killed a six pack while we were getting ready.”

“I was thirsty,” Aeryn hissed, striding up to the doorway and stopping dead to glare furiously at her reflection in the glass as she tugged on her skirt again. 

Hot? Were all frelling humans frelling insane? I can feel the cool breeze crawling up my leg.

Snarling, Aeryn curled her fist around the handle, pulled, and stalked through the door. She stopped just inside, suddenly unsure of how or where to go, and waited for Olivia to proceed her.

“Roberts,” Olivia said to the young man in the white shirt and black vest behind the podium who gazed at Aeryn a moment before letting his eyes run up and down her body.

Aeryn smiled through the mental image of dropping him with a pantak jab.

“Back room,” he replied, smiling at them and pointing. 

******************************

They walked through the Friday night crowd in the main room toward the closed double doors in back. This time Olivia grabbed the handle and pulled, then followed Aeryn in with a sigh. They paused to orient themselves in the room, taking in the low slung, U-shaped banquettes richly upholstered in black and the polished teak tables, and were almost immediately accosted by a tall, thin, blonde female who stood grinning in front of them.

“Hiiiiiiiiii,” she squealed, throwing her hands up in the air as she leaned forward to air kiss the shorter of the two women standing in front of her. “You must be Aeryn,” she said brightly, turning to face the taller woman when she was done with Olivia.

“So I’ve been told,” Aeryn said, baring her teeth in a smile that crinkled her nose but didn’t reach her eyes.

“Well, come on in,” she suggested, grabbing each of them by a hand and dragging them further inside. Her running commentary kept up even as she dropped their hands, turned, and started walking away from them. “This is really great. Everybody’s here. Just go find a table. We’re gonna have soooooo much fun.” 

Aeryn winced at the sound even as Olivia grabbed her hand and began dragging her toward a table with empty seats. 

“We are gonna have fun,” Olivia hissed in her ear. “It’s a girls’ night out. You know. I told you. Food. Fun and games. Getting trashed with the girls. You know,” she repeated fiercely, pulling them up short at the end of the hall to stare at the sight before them. “Fun,” she finished softly.

“What is that?” Aeryn asked quietly, inclining her head toward the tall blond man with the crystal blue eyes, and chiseled cheekbones. He flashed a perfect white smile in their direction.

“Bartender,” Olivia breathed as the brightly smiling blonde bounced back up to them.

“Here,” she said, offering each of them one of the glasses she was holding. “That’s Sven. He’s taking care of us tonight. Isn’t he pretty?”

“Pretty,” they simultaneously agreed, nodding their heads and smiling as the blonde bounced off.

“What is this?” Aeryn asked, glancing at the glass in her hand.

“Cosmopolitan,” Olivia replied. “Try it. It’s good.”

Aeryn lifted the glass to her lips and drained it in one long swallow. She held it out to Olivia for another.

“Not like that,” Olivia grimaced, grabbing the glass out of Aeryn’s hand. “It’s not a shot. We do those later.”

“Ok,” Aeryn said reasonably. “You’re right. They are good. Really sweet and…”

“Foofee? Don’t kid yourself, just because they’re sweet and...”

“Foofee?” Aeryn asked incredulously.

“Yeah, foofee, doesn’t mean they don’t have a kick.”

Aeryn’s eyes rolled back into her head to indicate what she thought of that.

“Right. Sorry.”

“Look. That one that tastes like fillip nectar and comes in the blue bottle…”

“Skyy,” Olivia supplied patiently.

“Right. You said the same thing about that. And look. I had six before we even got here and it’s not a problem.” Aeryn looked around the room, at the bar, and then took her empty glass back from Olivia. “I think I’ll get another one.”

Before Aeryn could take a step, Olivia grabbed her arm and dragged her to their table.

“Hi,” she said brightly, smiling to her new companions as they sat. “I’m Olivia. And this is my friend Aeryn.” 

“Hi, Olivia,” her table mates said in unison. “Hi, Aeryn.”

“I’m Vanessa,” said the red-haired, green eyed woman sitting across from Olivia. “And this is Jill,” she continued, pointing at the woman with long, straight chestnut hair and hazel eyes sitting to her right, “and Caitlyn,” she finished, pointing at the brunette woman with caramel highlights and pale brown eyes to her left.   

“Hi,” Aeryn echoed as she reached over to snag Olivia’s drink. Draining it in one long swallow, she leaned over to whisper in Olivia’s ear. “Another one. Now.”

Olivia signaled the waitress.

******************************

Twenty minutes and three Cosmopolitans later Aeryn was deep in conversation with her new friends.

“You’d think that after all the time I spent fucking him…” Vanessa flicked her hand angrily.

“…that he would have stayed…” Aeryn racked her memory for the right word, “…fucked?”

“That’s what I’m saying, “Vanessa agreed, nodding her head. “But, noooo. Not Aidan. That fuckingratbastard.”

“Fucking rat bastard, “Aeryn enunciated slowly and clearly, enjoying how the syllables rolled around in her mouth and off her tongue.

“No, Aeryn,” Olivia corrected gently, fingers rubbing her temples. “It’s fuckingratbastard. One word.”

“Fuckingratbastard,” Aeryn repeated happily as she savored the sound of the syllables. 

“Anyway,” Vanessa began, “Aidan couldn’t wait to do his…”

“Maybe you weren’t doing it right,” Aeryn offered helpfully.

“What?” Vanessa asked

“Fucking,” Aeryn explained helpfully, eagerly offering up a variation of her new favorite and very versatile word. Humans used it as much as frell.   She giggled maniacally at the insight.

“What?” Vanessa asked again.

“Aeryn, I have to use the ladies’ room,” Olivia said loudly. She stood quickly, grabbing Aeryn’s arm, and pulling her out of her seat. “Come with me,” she breathed hotly into her ear. Smiling at the women at the table, Olivia pushed Aeryn in front of her toward the doors leading to the main room. “She’s from out of town,” she tossed back over her shoulder as she followed the Sebacean.

******************************

By the time Olivia had shepherded Aeryn through the masses of people navigating the main dining room and milling around in the ladies’ room and back through the doors to the back room, the evening’s entertainment was already starting.

“All right ladies, it’s time to get this party really started. We all know that a girl can never have too many toys…so from Playing With Toys downtown here’s Monica with everything you might ever think you’ll ever need. Give it up for Monica, girls.”

Amid the noise generated to welcome Monica, Olivia turned back to look for Aeryn. Shaking her head and rolling her eyes, Olivia gave up and went back to collect her errant charge, who was sidled up to the bar.

******************************

“Hello, gorgeous,” Sven’s bright blue eyes sparkled and perfect white teeth flashed as he came up to Aeryn. “Waiting for me?”

“Hi, Sven,” Aeryn purred as she arched an eyebrow, rested her forefinger on her lower lip, and smiled up at him. “Of course I was.”

“What can I get for you?”

“What would you suggest?”

“Sex on the Beach.”

“I’d love Sex on the Beach,” Aeryn agreed, leaning against the bar to still the spinning and holding up two fingers.

******************************

She’d already downed one of her glasses by the time Olivia reached the bar.

“Hi,” Aeryn said brightly. What the frell?   Her voice didn’t even sound like hers. She sounded like that woman from the door…or maybe Vanessa.  Who the frell knew?   She began to giggle maniacally as she shimmied again, pulling at her skirt. Frelling thing, riding up.   She held up her glass to Olivia. “Sex on the Beach. You should try it.”

“Maybe later,” Olivia said, grabbing her free hand and tugging. “Right now I have a better idea,” she continued, dragging Aeryn toward their table. “We should go sit down. And no more Cosmopolitans or Sex on the Beach for you.”

“Ok,” Aeryn agreed reasonably. “Is it time for shots now?”

“What?” Olivia asked, stopping dead in her tracks. “You have got to be kidding me. Right?”

“You said later, after the Cosmopolitans, we’d do shots. It’s later. Right?” Aeryn asked, reaching out and snagging the waitress.

“What?” Olivia asked again.

“It’s time for shots,” Aeryn smiled at the waitress. “What do you suggest?”

“With this group? Orgasm, Blow Job, Stiff Dick, Slippery Nipple.”

“Yes, please,” Aeryn said politely as Olivia tugged her toward the table.

******************************

“I got stood up,” Jill complained. “On a blind date.”

“A blind date?” Aeryn asked, lining up the four glasses in front of her with military precision. “He couldn’t see?”

“No,” Olivia said quickly, “blind date. It’s like a first date.”

“First dates are job interviews,” Caitlyn supplied.

“Job interviews?” Aeryn asked tapping each of the glasses gently in succession as if making a decision. “Orgasm,” she said carefully, before downing the drink.

“Yeah,” Caitlyn continued. “Gotta ask questions.

“Questions?” Aeryn asked again, running her tongue around her lips before smacking them quietly. “What kind of questions?”

“You know. Are you married? Do you have kids? Ever file for bankruptcy? Who’s responsible for protection? You need details.”

“Ah,” Aeryn nodded, looking at Jill. “Why were you on a blind date?”

“Because he looked good on paper,” Jill answered with a sigh. “Excellent credentials.”

“Ignore her, Aeryn,” Vanessa said disgustedly, “she’s still a romantic. They all look good on paper. Even my fuckingratbastard, who by the way, called me three times today asking me to take him back”

“Ignore her Aeryn,” Caitlyn said, “she’s just bitter.

“Bitter?” Aeryn asked, eyeing her drink choices. “Blow Job,” said softly to herself with a proud smile for her expanding vocabulary before downing her drink. 

“I am not bitter…just cynical. Contrary to popular opinion love does not conquer all,” Vanessa countered. “He looks at every woman who walks by as the local drive through cheat and eat.”

”Cheat and eat?” Aeryn asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Chips?” Olivia asked brightly, shoving the bowl at Aeryn.

“Arrogant prick,” Vanessa complained. “He loves me. He cheated on me. What am I going to do with him?     

“Fuck him,” Aeryn suggested, ignoring the chips.

“Exactly,” Vanessa agreed.

“Dip?” Olivia asked desperately.

“Stiff Dick,” Aeryn said triumphantly, downing her third shooter.

“Speaking of which ladies, have you seen the lovely selection we have to offer?” Monica asked, coming up to the table with a huge smile. “We have something for everyone. “Wiggle Wands that you can use anywhere. Dolphins. Pocket Rockets. Pearl Rabbits, Risque Rabbits, Compact Rabbits, Future Tech Rabbits…”

“Duckie!” Aeryn exclaimed excitedly pointing.

“A woman of discerning taste,” Monica smiled. “The Red Devil Duck. Just pull his head back and he will vibrate you into orgasmic oblivion.”

But Aeryn wasn’t looking at or listening to Monica anymore. She was staring wide-eyed straight in front of her, head tilted, face lit with a radiant joy.   

“Hi, Aeryn,” the little orange guy in the striped shirt said, waving maniacally.

“Hi, Ernie,” Aeryn breathed happily, eyes glowing and wide grin lighting up her entire face.

“Is Ernie her boyfriend?” Vanessa asked Olivia, her face screwed up in confusion.

“Yeah,” Olivia choked out, eyebrows knit together closely and a half-smile struggling to find its way to her lips. “Her boyfriend.”

“Wow,” said Jill. “They must really be in love.”

“Yeah,” Olivia replied as Aeryn continued to stare into space giggling like a loon. “Love.”

“Hey, Aeryn, whatchya got?” Ernie asked excitedly.

“Rubber duckie,” she replied happily.

“Come on Aeryn,” Ernie cajoled, “you know you want to.”

“Ernie, keep your cool,” Hoots said, picking up a rhythm. “I think I dig her problem. She needs a helpful word. You know I’ve learned a thing or two, from playing in a band. It’s hard to play a saxophone with something in your hand. Though you’re blessed with flying fingers, when you wanna wail you’re stuck. What good are flying fingers if they’re wrapped around a duck? So whatcha gonna do?”

“Put down the duckie,” sang Aeryn softly as the band joined in and Ernie and Hoots and the back up singers began to sing.

You gotta put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Yeah, you gotta leave the duck alone
You gotta put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
If you wanna play the saxophone

Aeryn looked at the rest of the table looking at her. Smiling widely, her hand snaked out, snagged the rubber duck, and pulled it quickly to her. Then she reached her other hand out to grab her last remaining drink.

“Slippery Nipple,” she giggled, downing it just as the waitress walked up to their table.

“Can I get you ladies anything else?”

“Kermit,” Aeryn squealed, pointing again, even as Olivia grabbed her finger and pushed it down.

“Kermit it is,” the waitress agreed.

“Maybe I could interest you in some of our other offerings,” Monica said specifically to Aeryn. "Besides the Red Devil Duck we have the Excellerator which thrusts just like the real thing and the Feel Real which is sculpted from the real deal and super sized."

“No, thank you,” Aeryn sighed, head tilted to focus better and smiling slightly. “The duck is fine.”

“Maybe something from our lovely selection of lubes?” Monica continued. “We have Liquid Silk, Body Slides, Sensual Oils, Motion Lotion. It’s fruit filled and it heats up. We have more lotions. Flavored Body Bars, just melt and rub. Chocolate body paint. Honey Dust. Love Licks. It’s a warming lotion. Gets hot when you blow on it. Very nice.”

Aeryn was staring hard at the wavering images in front of her, trying to focus on the individual items available, when the waitress returned to the table and caught her flickering attention. She was holding a tall glass with some kind of green concoction in it.

“What is this?” Aeryn asked as she reached for the glass.

“Kermit,” the waitress replied. “Just what you asked for.”

“Ooooohhhhhhh,” Aeryn cooed, reaching her free arm out to snag all of the lubes and lotions she could gather toward her.

“Let me get you a bag for all of that,” Monica smiled happily at her. “I’ll be right back.”

“Kermit,” Aeryn snickered, throwing back her drink.

******************************

The things I do for family.

Olivia smiled, surprisingly unsurprised at the thought of Aeryn as family, and brushed the sleeping Sebacean’s hair gently as she nestled more comfortably into her pillow.

“You gotta put down the duckie,” Aeryn murmured with a soft smile as she settled.

“Pleasant dreams,” Olivia whispered as she leaned over to place a quick kiss on Aeryn’s forehead. “Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.” Smiling again at the remembered benediction from earlier bedtimes, she silently backed out of the guest room and closed the door.

She was still smiling when she got to her own bedroom. Exhausted, she slumped on the bed with a sigh before noticing the blinking red message light on her bedside phone. Wearily, she reached over to hit the playback button.

It was John.

“Uh…Liv? Hey, it’s me. Tried the mansion. Tried the house. Uh. I was looking for Aer…umm, you, just wanted to…talk. Dad told me you and Aeryn went out. He didn’t know when you’d be back sooo…I just thought I’d see if you….and Aeryn…were home yet. She’s still not at the mansion…so I’m guessing she’s with you? Well, I guess I’ll see you…both…tomorrow. Hope you had a good time. Anyway. Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

For a moment she thought about getting up and walking back down the hallway to the guest room, waking Aeryn, and telling her that John had been looking for her. Then she just shook her head. For all that she loved her brother and wanted desperately for him to get his head out of his ass and fix whatever was wrong between him and Aeryn, this was between them.

So instead she simply sighed softly again and began undressing for bed. John would see Aeryn tomorrow and he could deal with her newfound vocabulary and maybe some tales from her night out. She didn’t even want to think about her brother’s reaction to Aeryn’s new toys. Laughing quietly as she tossed her clothes into a pile in the corner, she began humming to herself.

You gotta put down the duckie…