Mood Swings & Mid-Day Sickness
Phi Phi "Le Trelk"

Disclaimer: All characters belong to the great man himself Henson.
Rating: G
Synopsis: More 'father to be' antics from John and Aeryn finally takes all she can stand to from Rygel.
Feedback: Always appreciated!  
Thank you LAscaper for suggesting the alternate ending and the Beta work!!!

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John watched Aeryn's face change from delicate peach to an alarming puce in a matter of microts. Monens of experience told him exactly what was about to happen. "Aeryn, hon...neey, hold on...let me get you a..." He didn't make it. He never did. He let the words fall from his lips as he watched the love of his life and the most beautiful woman he'd ever known hurl all over the Maintenance Bay. "A...bucket!" He stepped gingerly around the offensive puddles, to stand next to Aeryn. He reached out and smoothed wisps of hair away from her damp face. "Well, at least it wasn't our bedroom." Aeryn's very first hurl attack had resulted in new quarters for them. The DRDs still hadn't removed the smell. He grinned at the memory, but Aeryn's un-amused stare wiped the grin away quickly.

"Not funny John." She pushed him away with her forearm and straightened up."

John stood firm, unmoving. "Sweetheart...come on...it's not that bad."

Again her glare found its target. "And just how would you know Crichton? Been pregnant before, have we?"

John winced at the sound of his last name. Uh..oh! She was using the 'Crichton' word, that was not good.  It usually meant that she didn't want to be bothered. "Uh...no...no...you know what why don't I...uh...go and check up on...well...why don't I just go." He began backing out of the Bay, pointing over his shoulder.

Aeryn's stoic gaze followed him. "Hmmm...yes, why don't you do that." She wrapped her arms around her waist and continued to watch him disappear. "Pilot?"

"Yes Aeryn?" Pilot's voice seemed lighter, almost amused and it was. He would never tire of Crichton's father-to-be antics.

"Can you please send a couple..." She glanced around the Maintenance Bay.  "Ummm...better make that a few DRDs to Maintenance Bay eight."

"A soon as possible." Pilot paused for a moment. "Aeryn?"

"Yes Pilot?"

"How are you feeling?" His was voice now full of concern.

"Nauseous Pilot...always nauseous."

"Perhaps Noranti can create a remedy for you." Pilot offered.

"I'm sure she could. If I were willing to risk skin changes, unknown growths and other unpleasant side affects." Aeryn mumbled. Aeryn cupped her stomach as another wave of nausea hit. Staring around frantically she caught sight of a Waste Tunnel and rushed to it, she barely made it!

"I knew if I followed the stench, I'd find you near." Rygel floated next up next to Aeryn.

Without lifting her head Aeryn snarled. "Go away you slug!" Swinging an arm out, she shoved him away roughly.

Rygel moved back to her side, still managing to stay out of her arm's reach. "Blah! Do all Sebacean females retch constantly during pregnancy?"

"RYGEL GO AWAY!!!!" Aeryn pushed away from the waste tunnel and stood glaring at Rygel.

Rygel continued on as though she'd said nothing. "None of my wives were quite so sickly or smelly!"

"SHUT UP AND GO AWAY RYGEL!" Aeryn shouted, clutching her rolling stomach.

"Don't shout at me! I didn't cause your sickness!" Rygel ignored the fact that his throne sled was moving closer to Aeryn. "Fact is you have yourself to blame. All you and Crichton ever do is recreate! Day and night, you two are worse than D'Argo and Chiana. Frelling body breeders...OH! What the frell...!"

Aeryn suddenly snatched Rygel from his sled and began to shove him head first down the waste tunnel. "I asked you nicely...I said Rygel Shut up and go away but did you listen? NO! You chose to do neither! So out you go!"

Hearing Rygel's screams, John came racing down the corridor. The sight of his very pregnant wife shoving a very round Rygel down the waste tunnel nearly floored him. He didn't know whether to laugh or stop her. The toad probably deserved it! "Rygel? Aeryn? Rygel...Aeryn!" He grabbed a hold of Aeryn's arm. "Aeryn baby...honey, I need you to STOP SHOVING AND STEP AWAY FROM THE SLUG!"

"Why?" Aeryn glanced at her husband, but continued shoving. "He eats everything! He annoys everyone and he smells! His arms are too short to be of any use and his legs are nonexistent! And He Smells!! He never helps out! All he does is complain! AND HE SMELLS!" She suddenly stopped pushing at Rygel's posterior and use it as an armrest instead. "So tell me why I have to stop!"

John watched Rygel's body sink a bit more every time he squirmed. "Stop moving Sparky! That doesn't help." John returned his attention to Aeryn. "Baby...huh...you can't kill Sparky. He's the family pet. Who will junior have to practice the two Ts on...torture and torment, if you space Sparky?"

Aeryn turned her face up at John. "That is NOT a valid argument!" She resumed her shoving.

Rygel's muffled yelled broke through the spaces between his body and the waste tunnel. "CRICHTON! GET THIS FRELLING BREEDING BITCH AWAY FROM ME AND GET ME THE FRELL OUT OF THIS THING!"

John reached around Aeryn to whack Rygel on the eema. "SO HELP ME...SPARKY IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP! I'LL HELP HER PUSH YOU OUT! NOW SHUT YOUR WAKKED HOLE!"

"You see! Ten microts in his company and even you are willing to space him!" Aeryn wagged an index finger in his direction. Her next words were cut off by a loud seeping noise, followed by a noxious odor. Aeryn immediately backed away from the offending odor. "John...I...think..." Aeryn croaked, her regularly husky voice now five octaves higher.

John knew before she even finished, what was about to happen. He scooped Aeryn quickly up into his arms and ran in the opposite direction, finding an empty waste tunnel just in time.

Soothing Aeryn while she threw up what little contents were left in her stomach, John addressed Pilot. "Pilot can you please a couple of DRDs go and remove the blockage formerly known as Guido the Great from the corridor waste tunnel on tier twelve."

"Yes Commander. How is Aeryn?" Pilot asked more worried for Aeryn than the annoying little Hynerian.

"Nauseous Pilot...always nauseous."

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D'Argo and Chiana followed the noise directly to a blocked waste tunnel.

Chiana tapped on the metal. "Hey Ryg, whacha doin?"

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING YOU STUPID LITTLE TRELK?" Came the muffled growl.

Chiana glanced at D'Argo. "You thinkin' what the same thing I'm thinkin'?"

D'Argo nodded. "Yup!"

Chiana smiled and gave the Hynerian’s hinie a pat before walking away with D'Argo. Neither bothering to look back, leaving the diminutive ruler quite stuck.

"HEEELP! PILOT I DEMAND YOU SEND DRDs THIS INSTANT! I SWEAR...IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO, ALL OF YOU DRANNITS WILL PAY FOR THIS!!!


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D'Argo watched John rush around Moya's Command, jumping up and down.

"He shoots...he scores and the crowd goes wild! Can I get a HELL YEAH!" John mimicked the final seconds of a basketball game.

"JOHN! What are you doing?" D'Argo shouted over John's noise.

John spun around, arms still above his head. "Hey D! Come and join me."

D'Argo stared calmly in John's direction. "At what exactly?"

"B-Ball...hoops...roundball...you know Basketball...MJ? John danced around D'Argo.

"Yeah...yeah Jordan...like Mike, I get it, but why are you in here?" D'Argo followed John's movements for a few microts before reaching out and grabbing John.

"I'm in here, because I need a break from her Majesty the Mood Swing Queen. D...how did you do it?"

D'Argo chuckled, happy that it wasn't him going through the strain of Pre-parental bliss. "John it's natural for a pregnant female to experience a large array of mood swings,"

"Yeah, but does she have to go through the whole array in five microts flat?" John threw his hands up. "Man I think I might have to jump ship or trail Moya in the module, until the baby comes."

"Just keep telling yourself that it will all be over in three monens." D'Argo offered. He still remembered his days in prenatal hell. Lo'Lann's moods could swing from gentle to battle-axe in 2 microts. Hezmana help him, he'd almost lost his mind.

"D...man...I..." John's head jerked around at the roar of his name.

"CRICHTON!!!"

Both John and D'Argo turned to face a furious Aeryn.

John moved cautiously toward Aeryn with both hands up in the air. "Baby, what's the..."

Aeryn shoved a finger at John's nose violently. "DON'T you dare baby me! You said you were going to help me with the baby's room. I look up and you're nowhere to be found! I come searching for you and what do I find you doing? Frelling around with D'Argo!" Aeryn stomped around the Command, arms flailing. In the microt it took her to circle the Command the tears had started. "I don't understand you! I'm doing all of the work! I carry,,,I nurture...I swell...I throw up...I have to go to the bathroom every fifteen microns! I can't sleep! Half of what I eat fights back. I've become a walking domicile for your child, WHO NEVER sleeps!" She stopped suddenly, smiling through the tears. "Hello D'Argo."

John made a T with his hands. "Whoa! Wait a microt! Why does he get a smile and I get the riot act?

D'Argo smiled at John and then at Aeryn. "Because I'm a caring being. Hi Aeryn. How are you feeling today?"

Aeryn frowned slightly. "Well this morning was pretty cool but I seem to suffer from the mid-day sickness. I'm feeling much better now, though. Thanks for asking." She thought for a moment then questioned him again. "How's your cough? Was Noranti able to cure it for you? "

D'Argo nodded. "Actually she brew some Hinapenz tea and it did help. Thank you."

"That's good. I was getting bit worried about yo..." her words were cut off by John's noise.

"What the...no...no...no...you can't just start bellowing at the top of your lungs, then turn on the water works all while reaming me another as..." he never finished.

"John!" Aeryn broke in.

"Wha..you just swore!" John roared.

The tears began again. "We...well the baby knows that I don't mean it!"

John continued yelling. "And I do? Come on...you just swore your brains out ten microts ago and now I can't say as..."

"JOHN!" Aeryn began to wail in earnest. "How can you stand there and yell at me like that, when I'm carrying YOUR BABY? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO CARRY ANOTHER BEING INSIDE OF YOU?" The tears again gave way to anger. "NO YOU DON'T. YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" She poked him in the shoulder. "YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE YOU ARE A DRANNIT...A MALE DRANNIT AT THAT! ALL YOU CARE ABOUT ARE YOUR OWN LITTLE WANTS AND DESIRE...HA! DESIRES...I'M AS BIG AS A FRELLING LEVIATHAN AND ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS SOOTHING YOUR LITTLE MIVONKS! YOU OBNOXIOUS TEST MONKEY!"

"LlTTLE? HEY!" John was almost hurt by the description. "Test monkey? That hurt Aeryn."

"OH look! I've yelled for almost a quarter of an arn and he picks up on LITTLE and TEST MONKEY?" Aeryn shook her head a hurt expression on her face. "MEN! All you ever care about are your baser instincts." The tears made their usual appearance and John's face took on its usual appearance; confusion! D'Argo simply stared unbelievingly at the emotional woman in front of him. Had anyone told him five cycles ago that she was capable of such emotion he would have laughed now he just wanted to lie down.

Aeryn continued on tearfully. "But at least some men can take time out to show a little support. Look at D'Argo, he may seem somewhat dim at times but at least he cares enough to ask how I'm fee...fee...FEELING! I haven't seen my feet in a weekens! I've...vent more of...often then Rygel...Rygel! Who kne...knew that was ev...even possible? I have heat flashes that would se...send a norm...normal Sebacean LOOKING for a pulse pistol! BUT DO YOU CARE? N...NO...NOOO...OF COURSE YOU DON'T!" At the end of her tirade, she was now crying quite loudly.

John just stood there trying not to look totally useless. God he couldn't stand it when she cried. Well he could always try the love card; it seemed to work most of the time. "Aeryn baby...You know I love you! Hon...honey of..of course I care!" He swallowed deeply, when her tears only increased. "Baby...look...look...listen...listen...Who roamed Tormented Space, sear...searching for your special treats, huh? Who holds your hair when you're tossing food cubes like a wood chipper? Baby...sweetie...honey...you know I...I...would do anything to make it easier for you. I would even take a turn at car...carrying junior here." He reached over to rub her stomach. "But I can't! We men just aren't built that way. Besides, I just frell it up." He smiled, but she kept crying. Finally, he gathered her in his arms. "Oh ba...baby don't cry. I LOVE YOUR VENTS" He glanced at D'Argo beseechingly. "Hey man, you've been through this before! Give a brother a little help here...please!"  

D'Argo stared at the emotional couple. "Uh Ae...Aeryn you know...Jo...John really loves you. He would do any...anything to...to...make yo...you happy." He sighed annoyed at his helplessness. He'd been just as useless when Lo'Lann was going through her mood swings. "Uh...well...ya know...this whole baby creating...thing is...is a wonderful occasion. You two...are...really ...doing...a...uh..great..yeah...a great job!" he held his thumb up at John.

John frowned at D'Argo. "What was that...your idea of a pep talk? Goooo....Aeryn!" John went from soothing Aeryn's hair to rubbing her back in soothing circles. Trying to calm her, D'Argo's speech having the opposite affect. "She's having a mood swing NOT a contraction!" He whispered loudly.

Chiana entered the Command and stopped suddenly staring at a very tearful Aeryn, a comforting but frowning Crichton and a very uncomfortable D'Argo.  "Hey...uh...Aeryn, I...I um...came to te...tell you that Noranti and Rygel are b...back from the Commerce Planet. They brought you som...some of that Sweet Urlabeck you like." Chiana placed her hands on her hips. "Uhh...are you guys o...okay?"

"Yeah Chi. we're fine." John looked into Aeryn's damp eyes. "Just having a growing moment."

D'Argo's relief at Chiana's very timely interruption was well written across every feature and tentacle. He moved rather quickly towards her waving his hand in John and Aeryn's direction. "Uh...yeah...fine...growing!" He rushed from the room, without a backwards glance. Pregnant women gave him a wood...no the willies..yeah, that was it! The willies! He shook his body as if he could shake the whole episode off. Three more frelling monens! Hezmana help them all! She'd be the death of them! Chiana stood shaking her head. "Babies and mood swings!"


THE END