Happy Birthday
Author's
Notes: Blame me
watching John Quixote last night for this one. This has bugged me all day, so
I've given in and this is written straight to the board. So blame me for all
mistakes here. All feedback is welcome.
Disclaimer: Not mine...If it was...we'd have a Farscape channel.
Sitting on the edge of her bed and putting on her boots, Aeryn found herself
thinking of what this day meant. It meant seventeen cycles since they realized
that they lost contact with John and Chiana's transport pod.
It had taken them three weekens to find it, but by that time John and Chiana
had been dead for some time of starvation. Their hands holding onto some sort
of game matrix.
The rest of the them, devastated in their grief, held onto one another to make
it through the days. Aeryn especially had only one reason to go on. The life
inside of her. Three monens later, after finding out that she did indeed carry
John's child, released the stasis of the pregnancy. At least she still had a
small part of him to live for.
Time moves on, lives go on, and so did the rest of the crew after she gave
birth to Ralin. The only one to stay behind was D'Argo, and everyday Aeryn
thanked the Goddess that he helped her when things became too rough. She had no
idea what to expect raising a child, and he was there to giving a guiding hand.
At times, such as special occasions like today, Aeryn especially missed John's
laughter. She could picture John coming up with an insane idea to celebrate
their son's 'birthday'.
Standing up from the bed, Aeryn pulled her hair back and secured it as she
said, "Pilot...is everything ready in the center chamber?"
"Yes, Aeryn. Noranti has finished the celebratory meal, and which...if I
may add, Rygel is trying to eat before schedule even as we speak."
Rygel had returned from Hyneria only two solar days prior, complaining of
inadequate quarters, food, and servents. Pilot had quickly told him that if he
found nothing to his liking, then he was more than welcome to stay on his own
ship. No one heard another complaint from the Dominar. Apparently, to take his
mind off of his suffering, Rygel began pestering Noranti to make some of his
favored dishes.
"Well, I need to hurry and find Ralin then. Can you send a couple of DRDs
into the center chamber to make sure his 'Highness' does not destroy the
cake?"
"I have already dispatched two DRDs to that location. You will find Ralin
on teir fifteen, he is in the storage unit, and has been for some time
now," Pilot said sadly.
Aeryn knew exactly what was in that location, and she could not help the
feeling of grief that filled her. After Ralin was born, together she and D'Argo
carried the last of John and Chiana's belongings to this storage unit. Neither
could bear to really part with anything that belonged to the ones that they had
loved and lost. There were still occasions that she found herself drawn to that
location, and held onto objects that told her that John Crichton had lived.
It only took a short time to reach the storage unit, the direct path automatic
to her feet after so many cycles walking it. Standing in the doorway, Aeryn
looked at her son's back as he sat on the floor. Ralin was every dench the son
of John Crichton, from the color of his eyes to the way he pursed his lips when
he was angered at something.
"Ralin, why didn't you answer your comm?"
The boy continued to sit on the floor not moving, and she knew once he became
engrossed in something it would take nothing short of her shaking him hard to
bring him back to the real world.
Walking up to her son, Aeryn saw he held the very same game matrix that caused
John and Chiana's death. Sudden fear rocked her, and she swiftly knocked the
object from the boy's hand. Squatting down so she was eye level with him, Aeryn
asked, "Ralin...are you all right?"
His eyes were unfocused at first, but they soon found her own.
"Aeryn..." he looked around the room and said, "How the frell
did I get here? Where's Chiana? Who's Ralin?"
She watched as Ralin stood and looked down at her, his right hand coming up and
began rubbing his bottom lip. A gesture that she had not seen in the last
seventeen cycles, but one she instantaly recognized.
The realization of what had just happened took her breath away and made it feel
as if her heart had frozen to a block of ice in her chest. Somehow...somehow,
John had returned to her, but she lost so much more in that instance. She had
lost her son in the process.
"What the hell is going on here, Aeryn? Why do you..." `John' stared at
her for a moment and then stepped back a few steps. "I'm not falling for
it, Stark!" he screamed as he stared at her, his eyes--John's eyes--
filled with anger.
It felt surreal to hear Ralin speaking English. Rising, Aeryn said quietly,
"John? Is that....really you?"
Immediately John backed away. "Ah uh...Stark has slipped another notch if
he thinks this will work again," he yelled before turning and running out
of the room. Aeryn heard him scream Chiana's name. She tried to go after him,
but it felt as if her entire body was numb from what she just seen and heard.
"D'Argo, we have a problem. Pilot, I need you to track Ralin's comm
signal."
"Aeryn, what's wrong?" D'Argo asked, his voice sounding wary.
Breaking out of her paralysis, as she ran out of the room, Aeryn said,
"Just meet me wherever Pilot says that Ralin has gone."
"Aeryn, Ralin has just entered tier eighteen, he continues to call
Chiana's name and to talk about finding a green door. What has happened to
him?" She could hear the concern in Pilot's voice as he updated her.
"I don't know exactly, Pilot, but...I think..." The possibility of
what was happening still continued to shock her.
"Aeryn?" Pilot prompted her to continue.
"Ralin had the game matrix that we found in John and Chiana's hands when
they...died. I don't know `how' this happened, but I think that is John's
consciousness inside of Ralin."
"How do you know this?" D'Argo asked. She could tell from the sound
of his voice that he was running as he spoke.
"Ralin spoke perfect English, mentioning Stark, and asked where Chiana
was."
"He has just entered your quarters, Aeryn," Pilot said.
"Thank you, Pilot," Aeryn responded, trying to quicken her pace even
more.
D`Argo said before she could call him, "I will meet you there,
Aeryn."
Entering the room, she found Ralin on the verge of hysteria, shouting curses at
Stark into the air.
Approaching him cautiously, she said, "John...what is the last thing you
remember?" She couldn't help the tears that ran down her face as he turned
to face her. Aeryn watched as he paced the room, running his hands through his
hair as he cursed under his breath, the look in his eyes wild with anger. His
every movement screamed to her that this was John in front of her and not their
son.
What did she do to deserve this? What did John do? Frell, what of their son? He
was only sixteen cycles, and he had not hurt anyone. Why did he have to... No,
she wouldn't think of him as being dead. There had to be something that they
could do.
"Remember?" he asked, obvious surprise at the question crossing his
face. Aeryn watched as he noticed the differences in her quarters. `John`
walked over to a shelf and touched several of the items that she had collected
over the cycles. "I'm not...inside the game anymore?" he whispered in
disbelief.
"No, you are not." Aeryn had no idea how to tell him that he had been
dead for the last seventeen cycles and now inhabited their son's body. She had
no idea how he could believe her; frell, she couldn't believe it herself.
Slowly reaching out her hand, Aeryn said, "I want you to come with me for
a microt."
Her feelings were raging between exhilaration over John returning to her, and
absolute terror at the cost of losing Ralin, as `John' apprehensively took her
hand. "If I'm out of the game... Why do you look so different?" he
asked as he studied her closely to gauge her answer.
"Seventeen cycles have passed since I last spoke to you. You are...you and
Chiana have been dead for that time," her voice choked on the words as she
spoke.
"Dead?" he whispered in disbelief. The look on his face told her that
much as she led him to the mirror on the far side of the room.
John stared into the mirror for a few microts. "How...who?" he said,
his fingers grazing the surface of his face as he continued to look in the
mirror.
Taking a deep breath, Aeryn said, "I never thought I would get to say this
to you, but, John...I'd like you to meet your son. Ralin Crichton."
Inside the game:
"This is seriously messed up," Ralin said to himself while he hid
from the soldiers. "I am `never' going to play this game again."
Rubbing his hands nervously against the red leather pants he wore, he continued
to kick himself for not listening to his mother and D'Argo about messing with things
he had no knowledge of.
He had thought he'd have a little fun before the party, but frell, he had never
expected this. "Mom is going to frelling kill me."
The instant he touched the organic matrix, he had found himself standing in the
center of a dimly lit stone hallway. Looking down at the clothing he wore,
Ralin had smiled and said, "This is drad!" Or at least it was until
the pretty little blond came running up shouting that he had to hurry and
follow her, and then he saw the Peacekeeper Scorpius coming toward him with a
weapon in his hand.
Ralin knew who Scorpius was; his mother had made sure that he knew everything
there was to know about his father. At times it had felt as if he never wanted
to hear the name John Crichton again.
He jumped at the sound of a man`s voice saying, "You know, you're never
going to get anywhere sitting here hiding like this."
Turning quickly, Ralin looked up and saw a man dressed in ragged clothes, half
of his face covered with a metal mask.
"Who the frell are you?" Ralin asked. The man looked familiar to him,
but with everything that had happened since he touched the game, the memory
refused to come to the surface.
"I am Stark...Avatar, guide to the game embodied, and you are not going to
find your way through this game if you continue to sit there, Player."
"Well, I don't know where the frell I am and I have no idea how to play
the game. And my name is Ralin Crichton...not Player," he muttered
indignantly.
"Crichton...you are Crichton," Stark said softly, his eye gleaming
coldly with hatred.
Suddenly a myriad of images flashed before Ralin's eyes and he found himself
standing in a different area of the game. Looking around him, he saw a strange
world, unlike anything he had ever seen before. A large building towered above
them, so tall that Ralin had to squint his eyes to see the top of it.
"What the..." he said, turning slowly around in a circle. Looking
down, he saw that his clothing was different. He was now wearing a different
type of leather pants, his shirt was of a thin white material and a metal plate
covered his chest.
Ralin noticed the Avatar Stark standing not too far away. "Is the game
supposed to switch like that?"
"I noticed that John Crichton was no longer within the game, and I wondered
how that came to be. Now I know...you must be his child, and so you shall take
his place here, to continue his punishment for the atrocities he has
performed."
"Punishment? Atrocities? My father did not perform any
atrocities...."
"Leave him alone, you fekkik!" said a female voice. Suddenly a Nebari
girl appeared from around the corner of the building. Ralin instantly
recognized her from the data stores. This was Chiana, the girl who had died
alongside his father. Sometimes when D'Argo had a little too much to drink, he
would tell Ralin of how much he had loved this girl.
Ralin watched as she approached him and took his hand. "Come with
me," she said, smiling.
Stark made no move towards them as Ralin backed up a few steps, following
Chiana`s lead. A knowing smile played on Stark`s lips as he said, "You may
go with her, it is not as if you will be going anywhere `really'."
"I'm inside...my son's..." John whispered in disbelief as he stared
at the unfamiliar reflection. Aeryn watched as realization of what happened
dawned on him. "I'm...
Aeryn watched him for a moment, concern and grief over the entire situation
etched deeply into every mucle of her body.
"John..." Aeryn said his name quietly, almost afraid that if she
spoke any louder she would find herself waking from a nightmare and fantasy
rolled into one.
John turned to face her, and it hurt to see that expression of pain on Ralin's
face as John stared at her. Aeryn could see the pain in eyes that could only
belong to John. "I can't...stay here. You know that, right?"
Nodding her head, Aeryn couldn't find the words that she had yearned for so
long to tell him. She wanted to kiss him, to touch him and never allow him to
leave her side again, but she couldn't do more than look at him in silence. That
is my son, my son's body...yet it's John...
John took a step towards her, and Aeryn couldn't hold back any longer. Wrapping
her arms around him, she leaned into him, and she felt seventeen cycles of
grieving fall from her shoulders, the tears flowing unchecked at last. Both of
them tightened their grip around the other, knowing that this would be the only
way they could ever express their love for one another beyond mere words.
"Come on, take me back to that storage room, and let's bring our son
home," he whispered in her ear a microt before he let go.
Ralin watched as Chiana led him to a different area of the game and stopped.
"What are we doing here?" he asked, as he looked around him at the
oddly shaped trees.
"Waiting," Chiana responded.
"Waiting on what? You're Chiana, right?"
She looked at him in surprise for a moment and said, "Waiting on John to
show back up, and how the frell do you know my name?"
"My Mom and D'Argo told me about you and my Dad...John Crichton."
"Crichton...is...is your...Dad?" she asked in disbelief. She stood
staring at him closely, all of sudden it seemed as if she couldn't stand still,
her head cocking sideways slightly. "How do I know this isn't some...some
trick of Stark's...like before?"
"How the frell do I know?" Suddenly Ralin remembered where he had
seen the avatar before. Snapping his fingers, he said, "Stark...did he
used to be on Moya with you?"
"Yeah, he was, but this isn't the same one. This guy is the avatar, Stark
sold his neural template for some dren-headed reason." Chiana began
walking around Ralin slowly, and it began to make him a little nervous that she
stared at him like that. "You can't be Crichton's son...we haven't been
here that long," she said, stopping in front of him once more.
"Uh..." he didn't know what to say as he realized Chiana didn't know
what really had happened to the both of them. "Ummm...you and my Dad have
been...dead for seventeen cycles." There, he'd said it. Ralin watched as
she sat down hard onto her eema.
Staring blankly ahead of her in shock over the news, Chiana whispered,
"We're dead?"
Ralin took the two steps separating them and sat down next to Chiana. He wasn't
exactly sure what do, but for some reason it just seemed `right' that he put
his arm around her shoulders and offered what little comfort he could. He just
hoped she didn't knock the dren out of him for touching her. After seeing his
mother do that to a man on a commerce planet four cycles before, Ralin was
reluctant to even get near another female without her permission.
Chiana looked up at him after several microts and smiled. "You really are
Crichton's son. I've only known a couple males that would do what you just did
and not try anything."
"Like what?" he asked and looked at Chiana with surprise when she
burst out laughing.
"Well, let me tell you a couple things," she said, "but first
tell me your name."
"Ralin. Ralin Crichton-Sun."
Entering the storage room, Aeryn searched for the game matrix in the area that
she had hit it into. Once she had found it, she picked it up with a gloved hand
and gave it to John as D'Argo and the others stood in silence around the
perimeter of the room. Each in turn had expressed their sorrow and joy over
John's return to them, but agreed that his decision was the right one. He had
lived his life, while Ralin's had only truly begun.
Aeryn watched as he, giving her a sad smile, sat down on the floor and touched
the fleshy nodules of the game. Suddenly the smile turned into a frown and he
looked closely at the game in his hands.
"Dammit! It`s not working for some reason," John said as he picked up
the game and turned it over in his hand. "Aww...frelling hell!"
Aeryn caught herself a microt before trying to correct his language. It was
still hard to constantly keep it in her mind that this was not Ralin.
"What is wrong?" she asked.
"There's a tear in the side of the squishy part of the game."
Rushing forward, Aeryn said, "What?!" The panic she had felt earlier
returned in full force. "
For a microt, she hesitated to touch the object, but then she realized if it
was indeed working, Ralin would have returned already. Taking the game from
John, Aeryn turned it over and saw where part of the organic material was
indeed torn, and several broken connections had been exposed.
Shaking her head, refusing to accept defeat. "No. There must be a way to
repair it."
"If there's a way, I'll get this game fixed, Aeryn. I won't let you lose
Ralin. Not after all that you've been through."
Seeing the heartbreak on Aeryn's face, D'Argo couldn't keep his silence any
longer as he turned towards 'John'. "Do you know anything about repairing
an organic matrix or its circuitry?"
Crestfallen, John said, "No...I had never even heard of it until Chiana
had brought the things aboard the transport pod."
"If you are unable to repair it..." D'Argo let his words trail off.
The idea of losing the young man he had raised as a son caused his breath to
catch in his throat. It felt as if he were losing Lo'Lann and Jothee all over
again in that moment.
Noranti stepped forward, wringing her hands in nervousness. "If you are
able to repair the circuits within the game itself, there is possibly a way to
repair the nerves in the organic material. I do not know how well it will work
since it is not actually a living organism, but I will prepare a compound that
is used to regenerate skin over burns and severe wounds."
Nodding his head in agreement, John looked at each of his friends in turn,
never more grateful that he knew them at that moment.
John walked across the room with another tool for the intricate repair work he
was doing, and the cycles fell away from Aeryn's eyes as she watched him. She
had envisioned it a hundred, no, a thousand times and now her dreams had come
true. Suddenly John cried out in pain when he cut his finger on a wire and the
dream shattered as she remembered that this was actually Ralin`s body. Aeryn's
head spun for a microt and she closed her eyes to stop the pain of reality.
Everything about this situation unnerved her as she watched Ralin, hunched over
the table, working on the circuitry of the game. No, not Ralin...John. Aeryn
kept repeating the words over and over again. This was John who had been
working for arns to return their son to her. He was in a sense, working to kill
himself to save their son.
She didn't know what or how to think anymore about how to think of him.
Shifting her position slightly as she sat on the crate just behind him.
"Do you know how frustrating it is to hear you breathing, to see you, and
'know' I can't touch you the way I want?" John said softly, keeping his
back to her.
"Yes, I do. I have wished every day for the last seventeen cycles for you
to return to me somehow. Silly...I know, but it had happened before. I thought
I had finally prepared myself for the eventuality of losing you in battle or
escape from Peacekeepers. I wasn't prepared to lose you to a frelling
game." She couldn't help the harsh laugh that issued from her lips.
"It took everything I had within me to go on each day, but it was Ralin
that made me want to live. He is a part of you that I thought was lost to me
forever."
John's head lifted up from his work. "If the frelling irony in this
situation got any thicker, it would choke us," he said. Taking a deep
breath, John could smell her even from this distance, and it almost drove him
insane. It took every ounce of willpower John possessed, to not turn and grab
her, to explore her body slowly as he kissed her like he had desired for so
long.
Noticing a tiny scar on his right hand, John remembered he was now stuck inside
their son's body, and he suddenly became nauseous at what he had been thinking.
Once again, he kicked himself, as he had done a million times since exiting the
game, for telling her to come back to him when she had her story straight. He
was a fool for throwing away their last moments together, and it killed him as
he remembered the look on her face as he left her sitting on the floor next to
the tiering fan filters.
Someone in the universe had a sick ass sense of humor, and they weren't quite
done playing their jokes out on the both of them. To be honest, it was the
three of them that were the butt of this joke. It seemed as if Ralin had more
than just inherited his eye color and, from what Aeryn had told him,
temperament; the poor kid had inherited his luck as well.
John's mind turned over all the information that Aeryn had told him of what had
occurred over the last seventeen cycles. Scorpius had left with Sikozu soon
after he and Chiana's bodies were discovered and they were buried on a nearby
planet. That bit of information continued to disturb him, but he was touched
that Aeryn had known him well enough to know where he would be `happy'.
Within a cycle, the Scarrans had made their move against the Peacekeepers along
with anyone allied with them, and for a time it had seemed as if Scorpius'
predictions were about to come to fruition. The only thing the Scarrans did not
expect was a resistance movement within their subordinates, the Kalish. With
Scorpius' aid to this movement, it had taken the Peacekeeper six cycles and
countless Sebacean lives, but they eventually found themselves on the winning
end. The entire length of Peacekeeper space was now lined with refugee
colonies, one of which they currently orbited.
The Scarrans had been almost completely exterminated, no one really knew how it
was done, and no one really cared as long as their threat was gone from this
region of space. Despite being unable to use wormholes to quickly end the war,
Scorpius had honored his debt of sanctuary to Aeryn and provided full pardons
to her and the rest of the crew. He had also convinced High Command to leave
Moya as a free Leviathan, and she would never again have to race away in fear
at the idea of a control collar. John felt some peace at the idea that his
love, his son, and his family would never have to fear becoming prisoners of
the Peacekeepers again because of him.
Turning the game under the lighted magnifier, John tried to join several
connecting points, but he immediately saw that a piece was missing.
"We have a problem here." he said, trying to keep his voice neutral
and keep himself from showing the panic he felt.
"What kind of problem?" Aeryn asked, jumping down from her seat.
Turning to face her, John said, "I'm missing one of the connecting nodes.
We need to find it, then we can have Noranti use the compound to heal the
organic skin on this sucker."
Afraid of his answer, Aeryn asked, "And if we cannot find it?"
John didn't bother to look at her as he put the game down on the table.
"We need to find it...that's all there is to it," he said as he left
the room.
Down on their hands and knees they both searched every dench of the floor with
lights for the missing circuit connector. Aeryn's comm suddenly came to life
with D'Argo's voice.
"Aeryn, meet me in the medical bay, bring Ralin...John," he said, his
voice betraying a hint of excitement.
Touching the comm on his chest, John said, "What is it, D? Noranti have a
problem finding the herbs she needed?"
"No, we found plenty of supplies, it is just...just come to medical."
John looked at Aeryn for a moment before saying, "You go...I have to find
this."
"All right, I'll be back shortly," she said, rose and brushed off her
hands.
Turning his attention back to the floor, John continued to search as Aeryn left
the room. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he found the piece stuck
within the crack of a crate lining the storage room wall. He had forgotten
about D'Argo's message as he raced back to the maintenance bay. Just as he
reached the table, his comm crackled to life with Aeryn's urgent voice,
"John, did you find it yet?"
"Yeah, I'm fixing to attach it now."
He expected Aeryn to say that she would be right down, and was surprised when
she said, "Put it down for just a microt. We...we need you in the medical
bay." Her voice sounded strange and hesitant as she spoke and it
immediately caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand on end.
"I'll be right there." Putting the game and circuit in a safe place
in case there was trouble, John immediately pulled Ralin's pulse pistol from
his holster.
Entering the room, John expected some form of chaos, but what he found was
everyone standing around an elderly Sebacean man.
"John...you can put away your weapon. This is Dr. Varkarn, he runs the
refugee colony," Aeryn said.
Holstering his weapon, John looked from Aeryn to the doctor. "What's going
on?"
Dr. Varkarn looked at him and explained, "Most Sebacean colonists that
encountered the Scarran threat died quick, gruesome deaths. They were the lucky
ones. The not so lucky and those who suffer the living death are now packed
away in hospitals cared for by Peacekeeper physicians. I run such a
facility."
"And?" John said irritably. He had work to do and he didn't need a
sociology lesson at the moment. Then a thought occurred to him. "Wait, I
thought Peacekeepers killed their own when the living death occurs."
"Yes, that is true, Peacekeepers do show that kindness to their own. This
is not the case here. These were civilians and are not subjected to such a
mercy," Aeryn said sadly.
"Why doesn't anyone else do it then?" John asked, looking at the
doctor.
"High Command does not want anyone to forget what happened to the Sebacean
people. These unfortunate souls are not to be touched...they are to serve as a
reminder of what was almost lost forever."
He had never liked the idea of killing someone just because they were in a
coma, so in a way, he found the Peacekeepers' attitude a step in the right
direction.
"What does this have to do with us....our situation?"
Aeryn hesitated for a few microts before speaking, "The doctor has told us
that there are several Sebaceans down on the surface suffering from the living
death, that have no families, and we thought..."
John knew instantly what Aeryn was about to say, "No! I am not going to
invade, move into someone's mind like...like...I don't frelling know what, but
it's not going to happen."
Turning away, he heard the pleading in her voice as she said,
"John...don't...leave." His heart instantly broke in two at the sound
in her voice. He stopped, and returned to the room.
"Come down to the planet and see for yourself, you would not be harming
anyone. These are but empty shells, the consciousness long gone from these
minds," Dr Varkarn said solemnly.
"I thought the nervous system, then the motor controls shut down, and that
causes the living death," John said.
"It does, but we have been trying for cycles to reverse these effects in
the victims. The damage has been repaired in each of my patients in the hope we
could have restored them."
"Could have?"
"Our funding is limited. Now we only have enough to make sure they are
properly cared for."
The idea scared the hell out of him for several reasons. One, his mind would be
taking over another's, and two...it gave him more hope for a future with Aeryn
and Ralin than he had half an arn before. John could see the hope in Aeryn's
eyes and he didn't want to see it crushed any more because of him, but John
knew that he would be spending the rest of eternity hating himself for not
taking the chance to be with his family.
"I'll do it."
Holding the game in his gloved hand, John eyed the repaired edges suspiciously.
"I hope like hell this works, Aeryn," he said quietly, sending up a
quiet prayer.
"It will, because of one reason," Aeryn answered.
"And why is that?"
A smile played at the edge of her lips as she spoke, "It's our third
time."
"What?"
"You told me once, third time's the charm. This is our third time."
John couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped him, "You remembered that
after all this time?"
"Yes, it sounds a little crazy, but I had Pilot go through the data stores
and create data chips of your entire time on Moya. I wanted Ralin to know
everything about you."
"Crazy... Yeah, we were definitely made for one another," he said
smiling. "I want to tell you something. In case...in case something goes
south here, and I don't make it back to you."
"John...don't," Aeryn said sadly, "We do not say goodbye.
Remember?"
"This isn't...goodbye. I just wanted to tell you. I was an ass for what I
said. I didn't need to know what happened while you were away. I was just so
tired...tired of being hurt..."
"I know. You don't have to explain your words. If our positions had been
reversed, I would have said the same thing."
"Except you would have knocked me on my ass as well."
"Yes, I would have, but I knew that I had hurt you a great deal. For a
long time, I didn't think I ever deserved the right to be loved by you."
"Don't say that, you more than anyone deserve to be loved." Touching
the side of her face, John wished once more that he could kiss her. "Look
how beautiful it made you, both inside and out."
Leaning into his hand, she asked softly, "Are you ready?"
"No, but let's get our son home."
Looking around the room at his friends, John sat in the chair next to the
Sebacean male lying on the hospital bed. "Give me at least a hundred and
fifty microts to make sure I've found Ralin and then place his hand on the game
too, and once we`re out Chiana`s next."
Aeryn nodded in agreement as John placed the game on the bed. No one knew if
this would work because of the age of the organic matrix, but there was really
no way any of them were willing to back out. It was the only way to bring Ralin
back.
Touching the game, John found himself back inside the `Gammak base'.
"Honey...John's home!"
"Ahhhh, I see that you have returned to finish out your time with us,
Crichton," Stark said, appearing from around the corner in front of John,
and he found himself suddenly standing once more in front of the castle.
"Nope...I've come to get my son and Chiana," John said trying to hold
back a laugh. He would never get used to seeing `Stark' with the pantaloons and
Lord Fauntleroy haircut. It made everything the avatar said seem even more
ridiculous.
"Your son, Ralin. Nice boy, but I do not think you will be leaving with
him. I already know that you and Chiana's bodies have long been dead,"
Stark said with a sneer on his lips.
Shaking his head, John said, "Doesn't matter...someone has graciously
decided to donate one to the cause."
"Preposterous...no one would." Stark's voice trailed off as he stared
at John for a moment. "You have found someone suffering from the living
death... Haven't you?" he said quietly, his voice almost a growl.
John didn't like the sound of that at all. He asked worriedly, "Where's
Ralin and Chiana?"
Throwing his arms up in the air, Stark said, "I don't know! Chiana took
him off soon after he arrived. You really must talk to her about that..."
"How can you not know? You're the frelling avatar of the game!" John
shouted. He wasn't sure how much time had already passed in the real world, but
he knew that whatever time he had left, it was very short.
"We're here, John!" A voice called behind him. Turning John smiled at
his friend, and stared at his son. It was one thing to have been in the boy's
body for the past four solar days, but it was quite another to really meet him.
"Ralin...umm...I'm..." John hesitated, not exactly sure how to
introduce himself.
Smiling, Ralin said, "You're my father."
"Yeah, I'm your Dad. God, this is weird. Okay, there's no time for a real
get to know you session, we have to get out of here."
"How are we going to do that?" Chiana asked. "Ralin told me that
our bodies have been dead for seventeen cycles."
"Aeryn and the others have found....bodies for us. Sebaceans suffering
from the living death," he said, taking her hand. "It'll be weird as
frell, trust me on that one, but we'll be alive."
"No," Chiana said, pulling her hand from John's.
John looked at her with shock, "What do you mean...no?" He saw Ralin
turn and look at her as if she had suddenly grown three heads.
"Just what I said. No, Old Man. I'm not coming. When Ralin told me we were
dead, it felt good to actually know in a way." A sad smile played at the
edge of her lips.
"Don't you want to come with us? You can't possibly just accept
this...this `place' as your fate. What about D`Argo?" John said, pleading
with her to understand as he stepped close to her. Taking her hand once more,
John leaned his head against hers.
"It...it isn't that I don't want to go... It's just something I know is
the right choice. You go... Live your life with Aeryn and your son. He's a
great kid. Always knew you had it in you," Chiana said, chuckling as she
hugged John one last time. "Tell...tell D'Argo I still love him...and I
wish things had been different between us."
Looking up into John's eyes, she said, "Do me a favor though."
"What's that?"
"Destroy the game. I don't want anyone else to become stuck in here like
we were, and maybe I can go and...and...."
Slipping a finger under her chin and raising her face, John said in husky
voice, "Tell Zhaan when you see her...I miss her." Kissing Chiana
softly on the forehead, he whispered, "Love you, Little Girl."
"Love you too, Old Man."
Chiana turned towards Ralin and said, "You're a good kid...."
"Time to go!" Stark suddenly screamed, rushing forward. With Chiana's
announcement, John had forgotten all about him.
"Well, then how do we get out of here then?" John asked.
"Let me help you!" Stark shouted excitedly, and shoved Ralin.
Suddenly his son was gone through a door that had appeared behind them. Turning
around, John shouted, "What the hell did..."
Stark`s eyes flashed insanely as he screamed, "YOUR TURN! ENJOY YOUR TIME
IN A LIVING CORPSE, CRICHTON!!"
Suddenly, John found himself lying flat on his back, a burning sensation
beneath his hand filtered through the fogginess of his mind. Several muffled
voices pushed reached through the dark as he opened his eyes.
Everything was blurry as John tried to focus in the dim light of the room. At
first he felt panic when the unrecognizable shapes moved in front of him,
afraid that the body they had chosen was nearly blind. Then John realized that
as the man had lain with his eyes closed for almost twelve cycles, it would
take time for his eyes to adjust.
Curious as to the burning in his hand, John looked down and blurrily saw the
smoldering remnants of the game. Suddenly, a blurred face appeared above him,
and he could immediately tell it was Aeryn's. He tried to bring his hand up to
touch her face, but he couldn't get his arm to move. It felt as if he had run a
ten mile marathon, and he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer as he felt Aeryn's
kiss brush against his lips.
Three monens later:
Holding the bowl in both hands, Aeryn entered the room and smiled when John's
eyes turned to meet her own. "I thought you might be hungry and brought
you some Lehreck soup," she said, as she crossed the room and sat in the
chair beside him. Picking up a clean towel off the beside table, she wiped the
spittle off of his chin and gave him a gentle kiss. Placing the towel on John's
chest, Aeryn began to slowly spoon the soup between his lips. Tipping his head
up slightly so the liquid didn't trickle back out, she smiled at him.
"Ralin is going on his second solo flight after first meal tomorrow. Would
you like to watch him out on the Terrace?" she asked quietly, watching
closely for John's reaction. The corners of his eyes twitched slightly as his
gaze shifted toward his view of the stars, a soft grunt escaping his lips.
"Good, I will have D'Argo come after..."
John let out another small grunt, but this time his eyes shifted in the
direction of the open door of their quarters.
"What? Do you want to join us for first meal?" she asked.
Turning his eyes to meet her own once more, John looked back to the doorway.
Nodding in agreement, Aeryn made a mental note to speak to D'Argo before first
meal about bring John to the center chamber to join them.
Lying on the bed as Aeryn held his head, John wished that he could at least
smile to let her know that he loved listening to her descriptions of the day's
activities even though Pilot kept the comm next to his head open to ensure that
he was truly never alone. Over the course of the day, John listened to the
sounds of the others going about their activities and wished that he was doing
the same mundane repair and clean up jobs around Moya. Everyone tried their
best to keep his mind occupied. Some of his favorite moments were when Ralin
would come in with a DRD and played for him some of the data chips he had made,
and showed him what basically were home movies of his growing up.
This boredom and helplessness was well worth the price to him. John had
realized that instantly once they discovered he couldn't move or speak while
still in the hospital at the refugee colony. Aeryn's angry screams at the
doctor had echoed through the quiet building. John remembered her hurried step
as she crossed the room to him, tears running down her face as she carried her
pulse pistol in her hand. `No....I'm not ready...' he had realized as he looked
into her eyes. 'I've missed too much already. If this is all I can have, just
looking at her, at my son, feeling them close by... It's enough. It'll have to
be enough.' Closing his eyes, John expected to hear the sound of the pistol
charging. When he didn't, he opened them once more to the sound of her voice
whispering, "Third time..." He watched as Aeryn tightened her grip on
the weapon, then loosened it, uncertainly.
Blinking his eyes three times in quick succession, John thought, "Please
understand, Aeryn. I don't want to leave you..." When she simply stared at
him, John closed his eyes again, opening them once more to repeat the same
pattern. He watched as Aeryn dropped the gun onto the bed and leaned her body
onto his own.
Her voice was a husky whisper as she said, "Tell me what to do, John. I
just...I don't want you to suffer because of me. If you want to live like
this...in this body...close your eyes for five microts. Look off to my side if
you want me to end this for you."
Immediately closing his eyes, John heard her sigh of relief mixed with sobs as
Aeryn buried her face against his chest. John felt her fingers against the side
of his face, and opened his eyes to Aeryn saying the words, "Let's take
you home."
"John...John... Look at me," Aeryn said, trying to catch his
attention as he looked out the view port that Moya had created for him. Turning
his gaze back to Aeryn, he looked into her eyes to let her know he was
listening. As Aeryn took hold of his hand, John thought, `This is at least my
choice. I may not like these cards I'm dealt, but I can live with this as long
as I'm with her.'
"I am going to take these eating utensils back to the center chamber, then
return to get us ready for the sleep cycle. We have a busy day tomorrow,"
she said, happy that he would be joining them. Picking the towel off John's
chest, she placed it in the bowl in her hand.
"I'll take it for you, Mom."
Turning around, Aeryn saw Ralin standing in the doorway. "Thank you. I was
going to comm you and let you know your father is coming to first meal and
wants to see you fly tomorrow."
A smile spread across Ralin's face at her words. "You are?" he said
looking at John. That's Drad! I promise I'll make you both proud of me."
`You already do,' John thought as Aeryn spoke the same words.
Ralin took the bowl from Aeryn's hand, then left the room to share the news
with D'Argo. Closing the door and privacy curtain, Aeryn began bathing John,
and shaved off the day's worth of hair growth. Before she was even finished,
John's eyes were almost completely closed. Even these simple tasks continued to
fatigue his still weakened body.
Running her hand through John's still slightly damp black hair, Aeryn smiled
slightly. Despite the fact John now resided in a stranger's body, she could
still feel and see John staring back out at her when he was awake. It had been
awkward at first, lying next to him, but she knew in her heart that this was
the man she had fallen in love with twenty cycles before.
Dressing for bed herself, Aeryn then lay beside him in the dark, her hand
resting on John's chest. She listened to the sound of his heartbeat, and
thanked the Goddess that she had John with her once more. At times she didn't
think the price was worth this limited happiness, and she cursed the doctor for
not truly understanding the extent of the living death had on a body. The man
thought he had reversed the physical damage caused by the heat, but had only
inadvertently masked the loss of motor control and speech in the body John's
mind now inhabited.
There had been nothing any of them could once they realized what had happened.
The game was completely destroyed, and John was now in a young, healthy
Sebacean body, only to live the rest of his life unable to speak or move
anything but his eyes. The only good thing Aeryn could see of it all was that
she would now be able to spend the rest of her days with the man she loved
beyond life, death, and hope.
Epilogue:
Time moves on, and so does life, each day bringing its own rewards. John
watched as Ralin continued to grow into a man any father would be proud of.
Seeing his first grandchild, John gave the infant the gift of a smile, the
first in many cycles. Observing from the side of the bed, Aeryn pushed a gray
strip of hair behind her ear, her pride for the men in her life making the
cycles fall from her face. John's forced silence and immobility never caused
her love for him waver. She drew from his strength and resolve, as he did her
own.
Time moves on, and so does life, each day bringing its own rewards. John could
see Aeryn's health was beginning to fade, and worry etched more into his heart.
Sitting on their bed, Aeryn repeated the same question she had asked every
monen for the past two hundred and twenty cycles. Only, this time, there was a
slight difference. Knowing her time was growing short with each passing microt,
Aeryn held her hand to her chest to press away the pain. In her other was a
small vial, similar in size to the one that long ago told them they were
compatible. "I don't have long, John. Do you want me to end this, and we
shall remain together?" Aeryn asked, her hand shaking ever so slightly
with its deadly contents.
John looked to the doorway where Ralin stood next to D'Argo and Rygel. Each man
nodded their acceptance to whatever decision he made. Turning back to Aeryn,
his eyes locked onto hers before he smiled and blinked his eyes three times
rapidly. Aeryn returned his smile as she tilted her head slightly and looked at
him before turning to the others.
Goodbyes were never spoken on Moya, and their friends turned away in silence.
Ralin smiled at his parents before leaving them alone with the sweet taste of
their final kiss on their lips to herald them into eternity.
Time goes on, so does life and death is your final reward. No tears, no sorrow,
and your soul at last soars.
The End
Originally posted September 08, 2003