Horror Movies

I tend to see a lot of horror movies. I don't go out of my way to do so, but under certain conditions, it's impossible to avoid. In any case, I've seen enough of them to gain some insight into how the genre ticks, and I've been meaning to share some observations on the subject for some time now.

First off, it must be noted that there are several highly distinct sub-genres that fall under the horror label.

The most recognizable of these, sadly, is the Slasher sub-genre. You have a serial killer generally (or a monster of some kind) killing off a bunch of stupid teenagers one at a time, with one or two people who realize this and can't convince anyone to do something about it. Then of course, at the end it turns out that the killer wasn't really killed, opening the door for an unending number of sequels, one of which tends to end up being set in space. It lets them shoot on a bare set and dress old gimmicks up to recycle them. I'm just going to come right out and say it. Slasher movies are frelling terrible. All of them. Irredeemably so. The basic premise is pointless and stupid, and all anyone has ever tried to do with it is make fun of other movies in the genre... and far too many attempt that. The original Halloween is generally considered the best of them, either due to the integrity of not having been done to death yet, or the rather disturbing opening scene. Cabin by the Lake tries to deconstruct the concept. I still wouldn't recommend either one though.

Next there's monster movies. These are honestly quite watchable. On the surface, they look a bit like a slasher movie, but there are some important differences. We have a monster of some kind, maybe a few of them. Odds are, they look like a really pathetic rubber suit. Like slashers, they kill stupid teenagers for a while. Here's the differences though. First, monster movies rarely go for shock value. You might have a ton of gore, but you aren't going to have 2 hours of people popping out from behind things and slitting throats to make the audience jump. You pretty much always have some characters trying to come up with a strategy to kill the monster with some cheesy science lesson or other. You don't have wisecracks coming from your killer. Hopefully, you also have something really cheesy looking to amuse you. The best monster movies, are honestly, in a certain sense, the worst ones. Hokey acting, laughably bad effects, and general cheesiness allow people to sit around laughing at these movies, and that's really what they're for. The only ways to ruin a monster movie are to go for fourth wall breaking humor (as opposed to letting your budget provide the laughs), terrible pacing, or cross the line of truly bad taste.

Then of course we have the artsy horror movies. They're fairly rare, usually rather low profile, and generally seriously lacking in the story department, but they provide a very interesting service to the world at large. There is absolutely no greater degree of artistic freedom one can attain in the film industry than in making an artsy horror movie. Basically, these movies exist for the soul purpose of letting their creators test out all the weird camera angles, deranged makeup effects, and plain old disturbing imagery they can muster. The Evil Dead movies are pretty good examples of this, along with House. Then of course you have the works of David Cronenburg which are such radical departures into disgusting surrealism that I'm tempted to give them their own category.

Swinging to the other extreme for a moment, we have Ghost Stories. Again, these are rare. Very low-key, with a bit of a mystery sort of vibe. You generally don't have people dying, or even have that many characters to kill off if you wanted. Just a lot of fairly grounded creepy stuff until we find out the motives of the ghost. A recent example I found fairly enjoyable (for the most part) was Dark Water.

Similiarly high-brow, we have the Legitimately Scary Horror Movies. On the surface, these often resemble monster movies, except for two very important distinctions. First, there's nothing hokey about them. Good actors, writing, and makeup. Second, and much more importantly, all the characters (or at least the majority) are smart. I don't just mean that they aren't stupid enough to set themselves up for an easy death. I mean they take every precaution, and try every possible strategy to get out of their situation alive, but what they're faced with is so unstoppable of a threat that they still drop like flies. Alien is probably the most popular example of this, but I'd have to say the best execution (in my opinion anyway) is The Thing (the John Carpenter movie from the 80s, not the one from the 50s).

Then of course we have the sort of horror movie dominating theaters today. I'm going to call them "Boo!" movies for lack of a better term. The idea behind these is to take an otherwise boring movie (likely a lifeless take on one of these other sub-genres), and fill it with excessively loud screams and bangs, along with sudden jump-cuts from peaceful scenes to graphic violence. The idea is that the shock of all of these cheap gimmicks will keep the audience jumping out of their seats, and maybe even screaming a little. They'd be the best horror movies around, if this were the point of horror movies. It isn't, and anyone who thinks it is either has no experience with the medium, or they're a hack. The point of a horror movie, really, is to make the audience ponder human frailties, or to stress the message that one can triumph over even the most imposing of adversities. That or to get laughs from terrible costumes.

There are of course several more sub-genres of horror out there, but I think that's a good note to go out on.