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Anyone reading these in the order I intendo to post them is going to have some nice old American weirdness to space things out, but I am just marathoning these weird Japanese movies... and I think the next three are specifically all blatantly exploitative hot girls in skimpy outfits killing things things. Anyway though, "there was once a warrior schoolgirl known as the "Sukeban Deka" says a little opening screen of text. Apparently, this movie is picking up from where the original manga I guess left off. There's actually a lot more plot dump after that. Apparently she used to work for the government in a James Bond-like capacity but is retired now, and... she totally kills people with yo-yos. Nowhere's some mooks fleeing a crime scene down by the docks. With some seriously trumpet filled music as one would expect from that sort of setup. Actually these might be good guys,they're talking about making sure the evidence gets out, and "If anything happens, give this to my kid sister Megumi" says the guy nobly staying behind because he broke his leg. Now here's the proper title sequence, with some properly awesome music.
Sukeban incidentally translates roughly as "Japanese schoolgirl whose afterschool activity pretty much consists of roving the streets bustin' heads." Which is totally a real thing. Has to be one of the most surreal ways you can get mugged. Remember this, because there may be a quiz later. Anyway, I was just going to look this up during a slight lull, but this is so very clearly a live action movie from the 80's based on a manga series of a vintage with Lupin. It doesn't have that "Wow is it ever the 60's!" look to it, but it totally has randomly occurring gangsters with WW2 looking pistols randomly popping up and getting fought to oldschool swanky Crime music. Anyway, Yo-yo girl gets involved in some violence on a bus, and ends up kidnapped and dragged to the lair of these badguys, along with that dude who hurt his leg. They tie her to a chair and torture her with a freaking defibrillator for a while, trying to get the guy to explain where he hid the photo they were running off with. Afterwards, she explains some of her backstory and how she wants to leave this life of violence behind, but keeps getting pulled back in. Meanwhile Guy explains that the evidence in question relates to some high school being Hell Castle and bad dudes waning to kill everyone. 50/50 whether that's metaphorical on the hell front. Anyway though, here's another cool action scene! They trip the sprinklers, beat up some guards, have a cool (though oddly yo-yo free) fight in a parking garage, then car chase the heck out of there.
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Oh wait, this is the guy who got away, because they just found where he stashed the photo. Oh and... wow. OK, here's the deal with this school. Kids who get expelled from other schools get sent to this private boarding school, where they're trained to be the principle's secret army he's going to use to take over the government. Awesome. So naturally, our hero, yo-yo girl, will have to secretly infiltrate the school and thwart the evil student brutalizing staff. And because this is good and wholesome and awesome, no part of this plan is going to involve wearing a red mask and boots. Oh, and I should stress that they don't just immediately jump to the infiltration plan. Yo-yo girl first takes the photo to her old bosses from her days in the uh... delinquent schoolgirl MI6. Here's some more backstory, with them discussing the photo after they leave, and noticing, apparently, some manga villain everyone thought was killed in an explosion 5 years ago.
Now here's yo-yo girl going to randomly pay a visit to her old friend and/or partner and/or... OK yeah. Partner. She throws marbles at people like they were throwing stars... and honestly, I kinda find that hard to believe as a weapon. I mean, a yo-yo is pretty ridiculous too, but it's a big fist sized metal thing on a cord. You've got a fairly decent impact there and you can swing it around and use it as a garrote if need be. What's hitting someone right between the eyes with a marble going to do? I mean, hopefully we're going to find out eventually, but I'm just not seeing it. Also, seriously. There really is a secret government program in this see where delinquent schoolgirls are trained as James Bond style spies. Anyway, these two still don't think they'll have the muscle between them, and are now trying to recruit a whole team of ridiculous weapon schoolgirl spies. I fully approve. Their first choice for a third is going off to college in England though. Marbles goes off to recruit someone else, and when Guy goes to bring that memento to his friend's sister, she insists on coming along too. So we've got Guy, Little Sister, Yo-Yo, Marbles, and... oh holy @#$% everyone needs to watch this movie. Marbles actually comes along with a couple girls, including the new official Sukeban Deka (III) who has taken over since they retired. They all meet in some quarry somewhere, but suddenly, a helicopter appears and starts firing frelling missiles and machine guns at them. Guy totally gets gunned down, and one of the new girls is almost killed by a missile. Then SD3 there pulls out her yo-yo and flings it at the helicopter, catching it by the tail, and... well, now she's just kinda being dragged around behind it. Don't know what she was really thinking with this plan, but it's a cool degree of crazy. I don't know, maybe you have to be seeing it. Anyway, she points out that her bag contains some special superweapon yo-yo for Yo-Yo which she retrieves and flings at the helicopter. It explodes.
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So yeah. After that exquisite little bit of WTF,they all go to... someone's house, make dinner, and plan their assault. At the same time I mean. They're all sitting around stirring crock pots and pointing at diagrams of this place they're assaulting. Mmm.... curry. SD3 thinks this plan sucks because it involves a lot of subterfuge and sneaking kids out and not enough violence. SD3 is kind of a crazy psycho. Which should go without saying after she tried to pull a helicopter out of the air with a yo-yo. So anyway yeah. 5 girls here. One's just some civilian, two fight with yo-yos, one with marbles, and... I totally don't know the 4th one's deal. Now here's one of their government support types coming to deliver The Ultimate Yo-Yo. His words. He also gives her the required padding and arm braces needed to catch it on the return without completely shattering every bone in her arm. We've also got some plot going on over here which is important and all but I'm still too busy chuckling about The Ultimate Yo-Yo. Anyway, time finally comes for the big raid. They sneak in in inflatable rafts under cover of darkness... wearing identical hot pink track suits and carrying bright red backpacks. That... doesn't seem properly stealthy. Oh. Then they dramatically pull them off to reveal Japanese Schoolgirl Outfits. Much more appropriate. Seriously. They're dark blue and they aren't shiny. That's more appropriate. They synchronize their watches... and SD3 doesn't have a watch, she has a big doofy cartoonish alarm clock. They actually call her "SD3" too, apparently she's too active an agent to give a name or something. Meanwhile, Principal Evil is giving an inspiring speech to his elite forces and having them all simultaneously throw knives into a pineapple he tosses over the table.
So yeah. Sneaky sneaky infiltrate. Sneak sneak sneak. More exciting to watch than to talk about. Yo-Yo's getting paranoid at how easy it is. Marbles and SD3 simultaneously take out a air of guards but... oh no! They're ambushed by a bunch of other guards! As is Generic Schoolgirl #4! Things still seem to be going well for Yo-Yo and Sis though. Yo-Yo picks a lock to free some students... who immediately jump-kick her in the face. They've... kinda all been brainwashed already. Plus it turns out Sis is secretly working for the bad guys in hopes they'll return her brother. So... all of heroes are captured and chained up. Sis though is allowed to head down to the medical wing and reunite with her brother. Her lobotomized brother. Oh and technically, Yo-Yo isn't chained up, since she was the last one to be dragged into the prison area here. She' being thrown to the graduating elite knife squat as practice. She calls the principal out as a coward, saying she doesn't want to murder a bunch of innocent kids besides. He agrees, being the sort of super villain who agrees to these things, and accepts a one on one duel for the freedom of the students. Cue awesome music. And... OK. That's not a yo-yo. That's a freaking morning star. Wailing on Principal with it doesn't really do any good though. It's entirely possible that he is a cyborg. Seriously, he just kinda takes the hits from it then beats her to the floor using just one arm.
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So now she's getting dragged off to be injected with... pre-lobotomy sedatives I guess by some evil doctor. Sis however has just been hanging out down here, and stabs him in the back with a scalpel.She's pretty visibly horrified by this. And.. now it's time to break out The Ultimate Yo-Yo. And... load it. I don't know if those are just for extra weight or what, but she loads 3 things into each half. Then comes strutting back down to the prison with it, yo-yoing, which makes ominous loud sounds, and... hits the door causing it to explode. She gets jumped by goons, and beats them up, just, with regular believable martial artsy stuff. Actually throwing this thing at them would presumably make their heads explode, and we're not going for that level of gore here. So she frees the other girls, and more swanky chase music! So... take 2 on all this infiltration stuff now it seems. Guards are beaten up and tossed over railings, electricity is cut, huge metal doors are totally blown up by The Ultimate Yo-Yo. Dudes are fought. A couple actually are hit with the thing, which doesn't cause exploding heads, but does leave them twitching spastically on the floor. So yeah, Yo-Yo unlocks all the students' cells but... really, none of them seem especially keen on being rescued. Then Sis comes in with her lobotomized brother to give them some incentive to get the heck out of here. So finally they do.
More fight scene times! Again, I appreciate how even with the ridiculous premise, and some yo-yo based violence, most of these fights are pretty believable. Heck, Marbles just plain abandoned her goofy weapon of choice and started using a captured machine gun n a guard tower for a lot of this fight. Also, Yo-Yo's arm is now apparently pretty much shot from throwing that thing around, even with all the reinforcements. So the rescue pretty much goes off just fine, except that Sis, being all I have nothing to live for, sneaks back in to toss a grenade into the armory. Shattered arm Yo-Yo goes in to rescue her some more, while everyone else heads for the escape rafts. And oh hey, those elite knife goons are still around. Yo-Yo fights them off while trying not to seriously injure any of them, again, with just straight up fighting mainly. She eventually has to resort to knocking them all unconscious (with several broken bones and possible spinal injuries) with her yo-yo though.
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We also still have to have a big proper fight with the principle. Still haven't really done that. Yo-Yo reveals that her yo-yo opens up to reveal a badge, and gives a speech about love and justice. Principal removes his glove to reveal that yeah, he's totally a cyborg and doesn't say anything. They fight. And holy $@#% The Ultimate Yo-Yo just put a freaking hole through his shoulder. He cancels by firing an arrow out of his arm, Sis jumps in the way and takes the hit. So now we get a sad flashback to happier times... or, the last time someone died actually, Guy getting gunned down. So now we have to fight a third time, this time it's for Double Revenge! She gets shot by another arrow, but takes it in the yo-yo throwing brace, so she's only bleeding a lot. She then just starts pounding the heck out of him with her super weapon, before eventually figuring oh hey, this thing's totally a conductor, wraps it around his leg, and tossed the other end into the exposed wires on the main generator. Anyway, turns out it isn't just the arm, he's all Terminator style as he pulls himself out of the resulting electrocution and on-fire-ness. Yo-Yo responds that that pretty much with just, you know what? Close enough, I'm out of here, and finally flees the exploding building, swimming to safety. SD3 calls Yo-Yo SD2 by the way. And... yeah, that whole movie seems to have gone by without ever explaining what the deal is with the 4th girl. She never really did anything of consequence aside from being in charge of cutting the power. Don't know if she has some wacky special weapon or what. I guess I'd have to do some extra research to find that out.
There's also a scene where the evil government coup dude who set up the whole school has his failure reported to him. "Girls from the same generation as those you planned to exploit." Hey yeah... it didn't really occur to me, but there is kind of some hypocrisy involved in the plot here. Anyway, he kills himself off camera, and then there's a passing the torch sort of thing between Yo-Yo and SD3. And oh hey, extra research time! The original manga mainly focused on the time the original Sukeban Deka spent in prison before getting recruited to take out a mob family or whatever. This inspired a live action TV series which ran for 3 seasons, with the main character of each taking on the mantel here, and this here movie is the crazy crossover deal between 2 and 3... there's a sequel to this movie I'm tempted to look for which is just about SD3 apparently. Also, the third season of the show, according to wikipedia, totally shamelessly rips off Star Wars. Plus, you know, craziest main character. There's also an OAV, and a movie from 2006, which was apparently released in the U.S. as "Yo-Yo Girl Cop." Talk about your blunt titles. And hey! Wasn't I promised ninjas by a preview? Ah well.
