|
|
I have never been filled with his much dread sitting down to watch something as I am with this live action Ranma special here. See, aside from being a really painfully low budget made for TV thing made way too long after it was relevant, I was an early adopter of the internet. See, way back in the mid-90's, the internet was so small that search results consistently fit on a single page. If you were at all interested in something, you could just sit down one day and read every webpage there was that covered it in an afternoon, assuming your connection held up. The closest thing we had to wikipedia binging was going to the Anime Web Turnpike and just hitting every page. So, that was a thing people did. Myself included. A significant percentage of said site's content was Ranma 1/2 fanfiction, nearly all of which routinely started out by recreating the first chapter of the manga/episode of the anime series word for word except for the one slight change the author felt was in vital need of exploring. So... watching this start is kinda giving me traumatic flashbacks, and I really don't want to summarize it and add to the problem.
I can talk about the minor de- wait wait wait, what? You're changing up the specifics of the introduction? They aren't just showing up at their house? That's... pretty amazing. Also this thing is sucking a whole lot less than I expected. The casting for Soun and Gosunkugi (whose presence is baffling but welcome) is actually pretty frelling spot on, and we've got a fight scene between Ranma and Genma that's... actually pretty decent. You know who doesn't look right at all though? Ranma. Particularly in girl form. And that is the rattiest fakiest looking panda costume ever. Seriously, it's freaking terrible. Hey, Ranma, you mind turning back into a dude and possibly somewhat less terrible actor? You're kinda painful to watch.
|
Also, here's Dr. Tofu. You may recall him from some of the earliest Ranma story lines and that's it. Which wouldn't be all that noteworthy except for how every other character no matter how minor was just totally run into the ground in the back half of the series. And yeah, male Ranma is way more tolerable. Has the proper haircut too. And sadly, into the pond he goes. So terrible. By the way, you know all those ubiquitous casual boob shots we'd expect to have by this point? You know how this is paragraph 3? Well guess what time it is folks? No, it's not time for my weird catch phrase. This is a modern made for TV movie presumably aimed pretty young. We are so skipping over all those. We have otherwise fallen back into the sort of stuff that's been burned into my brain here though. Except for this weird illustrated backstory about the history of Jusenkyo which really feels out of place. Genma's pretty decently cast too I suppose. And... wait, that's Nabiki? She looks, like... 30. Not right. While I'm nitpicking appearances by the way, girl Ranma there has that whole lightly bleached to yield brown hair thing going, which kinda bugs me. I always figured the red hair in the anime deal was just for the audience's convenience. There's plenty of scenes where people think he's still a guy from behind.
Also, we now appear to be uh... going places. Apparently there's a magical hot spring that'll turn anyone into a guy in this women's locker room and this weirdo badguy with an army of camp gay bar leather men is after it or wants to destroy it or something, and also apparently Ranma can fire energy blasts as a guy but not as a girl. And dear gods subtitlers don't freaking try and explain every pun in parentheses! That's the worst thing! ... Although girl Ranma's acting is pretty freaking close. So oh hey, here's Kuno being actually in the movie. Also pretty decently cast. I'd say casting quality is pretty firmly split along gender lines here, but... no, I'm just going to go ahead and say that. I mean, Akane isn't terrible or anything, but nothing to write home about either. She's just kind of a generic girl standing around all the time. Anyway, it just occurred to me that this is may be the only time I've ever done one of these without writing to the expectation that whoever may read it has no familiarity with the subject matter. I'm going to go right ahead and stick with that assumption. Seriously, I refuse to acknowledge the possibility of anyone reading anything I'm throwing out there not being intimately familiar with Ranma 1/2 in some form or another. I mean, it's freaking Ranma.
|
Anyway, have I mentioned all the Scooby Doo sound effects in this thing? It's pretty impressive that way. Speaking of things I didn't mention, the Original Character bad guy is the vice principle at the school, which sucks bigtime because it cheats us out of having the actual principle of the school. And it's also weird to have the Ranma has was bigger boobs than Akane gag (and various instances of chest grabbing when, well, no. Anyway, here's Nabiki forcing Ranma to wear a goofy pink wig and pose for pictures/work at a night club... does Nabiki own a night club in this version of reality? I'm confused. Now we have Ranma flirting with Soun to learn where he hid the key to the fountain of plot convenience here. That's... pretty out of character. Also it's Akane's necklace. Also, WTF was that? We have Ranma, in girl mode, sitting in a steaming bathtub, then ducking out of frame to switch actors. That's... totally not at all how it works. You've clearly shown that. And I don't really see the point in tossing in a short clip of Ranma re-male-ifying when a day is clearly passing. Is this just in here to show off your... lack of any special effects? What? Anyway, we're really just doing a lot of stalling for time here. Now here's a full minute of Ranma trying to steal this plot key from around Akane's neck in her sleep. At least we're following it with a couple exposition scenes featuring all the well-cast people. Seriously, it's creepy how well they nailed Gosunkugi.
Now here's Kuno stealing the key there and using it to demand a lunch date. Ranma's all oh hey, you wanna buy us lunch? Cool. And yeah... it's not really all that big a deal. Have some free food. So they do. Also, this scene? This scene's kinda great. Kuno's got a room set up with a fancy dinner table, like 30 maids, and a bed set up with three pillows. Shenanigans ensue and we end up with two dudes kissing. Now here's our really odd bad guys again, giving Akane her dramatic haircut totally the wrong way. I really don't see the point in tossing these people in there jf we're going to otherwise devoutly follow the original script otherwise. They don't really add anything, and I really really doubt they're going to go put a proper ending on this thing. Also it's just weird having this whole Evil Cross-dressing Fiend angle going when the source material already had a wacky cross-dresser, who was... not a cartoon super villain that added nothing to the plot. Also it is REALLY %@#$ING WEIRD having no Ryoga in this. I mean... this is a one-shot deal here, isn't it? We're not planning a whole long series of these, forcing us to stretch and prolong as much as possible so we don't run out of material... not that that would really be a possibility in the first place. There's kind of a truckload of source material to work with, even if you want to cap things off before introducing Happosai because it's hard to cast a 2 foot tall prune-faced ninja.
|
And here's some added sexism for the heck of it, which, again, is kinda weird to see here... especially since it's cutting off another We Didn't Change One Thing scene here. I'm also rather annoyed at how we're generally sticking to the anime series' pacing for the first few episodes, really stretching out those few few chapters over way more time than is called for. Even if I was plot summarizing, I wouldn't have anything to say here. Here's like the third or fourth filler scene of Soun and panda-Genma hanging out at... I guess it's Nabiki's night club. These are the best part of this BY FAR. And it's not like they're great or anything. And now our Original Character Do Not Steal bad guys are... somehow getting everyone captured and tied up... in this dojo full of people who can all beat up everyone in town at once, as has been shown several times, including many instances of beating all these people up. Man, this movie just sucks in all the wrong ways. I was expecting it to have squirm-enducingly bad production values, but be seriously goofy. Instead this is just torturously dull with surprisingly decent production values. Also why does the cross-dresser want to use the magic turn into a guy thing? Is it to become more properly manly or something?
Anyway, here's some fight scenes. They're really nothing to write home about. And... here's Kuno and Dr. Tofu showing up to lend a hand... and also Soun firing off energy balls. Um. What the hell? Also panda mode Genma. OK, this? This is entertaining. More of this. If the entire movie were just panda mode Genma wailing on people, that'd be cool. Also, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS VILLAIN'S MOTIVATION!?! SERIOUSLY! NO EFFORT HAS BEEN MADE TO EXPLAIN THIS AT ALL! And now he wants to test the fountain of plot on Akane before using it for... whatever, and is restricting Ranma from using it because... bad guy? I mean, if you actually watch this it's even more confusing than I'm making it out to be. He's not even all "MWAHAHA, because I'm evil, that's why!" He just... inexplicably keeps doing stuff totally against his interests to... not even particularly forward the plot. And now he's... gleefully helping Ranma power up to beat him... despite seeming to have a handle on how he's doing so? Man, I hate you so much lame made up villain! Please cease to exist. No, I didn't say take an energy ball to the chest. I said cease to exist. I don't even want you dead. I want all record of you having existed wiped from the face of existence.
And now the magic spring is just going to explode for the hell of it... turning Ranma into a guy, apparently. And Akane's worried about it doing the same thing to her, despite, again, the fact that it's been thoroughly established this stuff works instantly. And the fact that it's so obvious this is just totally ordinary not at all magical hot water. It turns out to even have a sign specifically saying so. Genma appears to point this out before these two can have a My Last Kiss As A Girl which... is totally against his interests. And now the leather men are dragging Kuno and Gosunkugi off to... their nest, to rape them I guess? This movie isn't much for progressive social themes is it. And now during the end credits here we have some proper wacky shenanigans the whole movie should have been made of, and then a big garish ad for... a DVD of the movie we just watched. Classy.
So yeah. That sucked and was not at all worth watching. You know what I had more fun with? That American Dragon Ball movie. Yes, the one with the high school and evil Puar. At least I wasn't bored out of my skull with it.
