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So did I mention the extras on these DVDs last time? There's a lot of cosplaying models singing the themesong at pitch meetings and outdoor sci-fi cons. Then handing VHS tapes to little five year old kids. I'm uh... I'm going to assume for sanity's sake that those were of the original series, or the TV revival. This here? This is not something you show to young children.
So... here's kid sitting on the roof whining. Now here's the adults making dirty jokes. Now here's Original Flavor Honey also sitting on the roof and hitting on... Kid? This is kinda totally out of character. Plus aren't you like, 50 technically? Also, what's with this long quiet moment? The only reason I'm sticking this out is because we have an established track record of balancing out the awful with a steady stream of totally insane. These are not characters we care about. Well, OK, there's Grampa. He's pretty awesome. Kid can totally go to hell though, and this incarnation of Honey is just like, Fanservice Jesus or something. Also? This second DVD has the english version of the themesong. Which is, oddly, much less offensive than the translation of the original. Because they cleaned up the lyrics. That or that translation wasn't at all accurate. I mean, this IS ADV here. They tend to take some extreme liberties.
And... now Honey is confronting some guy strapped with explosives while wearing a nurse's outfit. Well, a fetish nurse's outfit. I actually got a real kick out of it when the Wii Silent Hill had the obligatory nurse dressed like, you know, an actual nurse. In dull looking hospital scrubs. With, you know, pants. Oh, and Mr. Bomber here gets a speech: "and I was also that giant stuffed platypus walking down the street!" Awesome. Wish we actually had a chance to see that one, but the split between DVDs involves a format change it seems. It also seems to involve us at LEAST remembering the whole different outfit=different skillset thing, kinda. I mean, she's throwing scalpels. It's something. And here's a gratuitous underwear shot. Which... actually is kinda surprising. There hasn't really been a lot of that going on what with the just plain gratuitous nudity on call whenever they feel like it.
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Like now. Because we can't drive this cop car without putting on a cop uniform... and we have to steal this cop car, because it's not like one of the actual official things you have comes with a free motorcycle when you summon it. With that being the whole point. And being canonical with the actual show. And good for chasing people who are themselves on a motorcycle and can thus go places a cop car can't. I'm going to shut up now though because Gramps is using his Old Man Samurai Thong as a whip to swing over to a car... and oh hey! They actually DID remember! Eventually. Also, this is interesting. Halfway through shouting "Honey Flash she got distracted, so outfit A vanished, and then she was just standing around naked, apologizing to the guy whose car she was on the hood of for the distraction, then finished. Which is horrible and nudity for it's own sake, but is the implication that these are actually two separate one word commands? I mean, would she instantly be stripped if she just said "hey, do you have any honey to put in this tea?" Apparently not, because she got cut off mid-sentence like, one second later, when she went to transform yet again.
Now here's... wow. OK, this girl here has mutton chops. They reach all the way over to her nose and everything. I think maybe she's possessed by the last arc's main baddie or something. What I was starting to say though is that this all girl evil gang here was getting attacked by a tentacle monster. That scene didn't really go anywhere though, and now their leader is wandering around naked beating up Kid and stealing a nuclear bomb, for... really no reason I can see. Did a scene get cut here or something? One minute, being strangled and going "My name..." then cut to black, heart beat sound, we're suddenly down the street and she's naked and choking out Kid with one hand. I'm confused. Even rewound it to make sure I didn't miss something. Oh so anyway, Honey was shot earlier, but was OK because she was wearing a kevlar bra. Because fans of the show would be upset if her boobs were damaged. See, THAT I blame on ADV translation substitution.
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Anyway, Muttonchops just turned into Godzilla, without using a McGuffin Capsule which is supposedly significant, but we never actually saw that in the last batch there. Anyway, we haven't really broken away from formula that much. Here's the real "Sometimes I'm a..." speech. Also, that seems to be an official budget saving transformation sequence instead of a custom one like usual. For shame! Oh and here's Gramps being Mazinger-Z again. And here again is our non-attack at the end. Have I mentioned that the original series had bad guys getting fists put through their torsos and stuff? Oh, and here's our badguys laughing in the afterlife about how they will continue to be reborn as long as their is goodness in the world to fight. Guess that's one way to keep the local superhero in business. Oh, and here's a new ending song. It's amazingly non-slutty. I mean, relatively. She's standing there naked, but it's from the side and waste up with arms crossed, so, yeah.
Think the op got changed too. I don't recall it having Girl-for-a-Head jumping out of her suit and suddenly with boobs before. What with how that was the last episode of the first arc and all. Also Dr. Wily! Actually, this version of the intro I've seen before a lot. Remember back in the day when we didn't have DVDs and if you had something like, oh, the Slayers OAVs, you were stuck watching a bunch of previews for whatever else ADV had going at the time? Yeah. Good ol' wholesome Slayers had this nudity filled intro shoved in front of it. Well, OK, not good ol' wholesome Slayers. Naga having mostly boob-jokes Slayers OAVs. But still, what the hell is wrong with you tossing something so trashy in front of things significantly less trashy? Also, why have I still not gotten around to finishing watching Revolution/Evolution-R yet?
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So right! New Cutey Honey! The one member of the gang from the last episode that didn't die is suddenly joined their party. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a while! STOP CALLING ME KID!" Oh dear gods! THEY CAN HEAR US! Everyone keep quiet! OK, now a monster's attacking. I probably don't have to worry about Kid hearing me anymore. Nope... he's still picking on me. The timing on this is really kinda eerie. So yeah, new girl here has a pretty nice look. Purple leather jacket. It's very mid 90s anime. or mid 80s America. Anyway, her and kid are stripping a Real Doll. Well, OK, she's stripping it and poking it's nipple, he's asking why. ... Monster Girl of the Week is Inu-Yasha? That's totally what she just said (OK maybe without the Inu), and she's got the same hair and general visual style going on. Anyway, her deal is that she can psychically control her Real Dolls. And also Samurai. So in order to get past them, can you guess what today's first fetish costume is?If you guessed geisha mode, you are right. The samurai proceed to strip her. So she ducks around a corner and switches to Samurai costume. The samurai proceed to strip her. Then she goes ninja, throws money at them, runs, and gets attacked by kunoichi... who look just like girl mode Naruto. So... we have someone controlling realistic rubber replicas of Edo period characters, who are dead ringers for main characters from bad shonen anime to be shown on Cartoon Network 15 years later. That's weird. Also? Random out of context nude girl.
So... now all these things are teleporting into the city and attacking people, with a strobe effect to save on animation costs. Also? Honey switched to a bathing suit to dive into the river. So wow, that's FOUR random new costumes this episode. Nearly unprecidented. Anyway though, yeah, this episode doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Also, Kid's mom is single-handedly fighting the whole mob off while Honey is sitting around being useless. So now here's yet another costume... that's pretty much straight out of Sakura Wars. Then she explains to Yasha that she can't die because she's the main character. Repeatedly. Presumably there was a historical joke of some sort here that we're replacing with fourth wall breaking cheese because ADV can't be bothered. Also, wow, the music suddenly got surprisingly cool. So yeah, she turned into a big snake lady and Honey switches out of that worthless costume she was in that had a sword to her uh... costume that has a sword. Yeah that REALLY points out how stupid this whole Fighting Form concept is. Meanwhile, the supporting cast is busy fighting off the animation budget cutting out. And I guess maybe also theme park ninjas and such, but the lack of budget is kinda winning, so it's mainly just a bunch of static poses. And... this monster is sword proof, so Honey just shouted he transformation line to get a big metal gauntlet on just the right arm of her standard fight mode costume... with matching ridiculous-armor boob-windows from Knight mode way back when. Man, if mixing and matching like that is legal, why not do it more? Oh right because bad writing.
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So yeah. This is eventually revealed to all be taking place in Samurai Park. The Edo themed theme park... where all the animatronics have realistic nipples if you tear their shirts off. Makes you wonder what's inside Mickey Mouse's shorts doesn it? ... OK, if you agreed there you are a sick sick person in need of serious help. But anyway, I guess Girl-for-a-Head has officially come back from the dead as just Boring Old Nude Girl and is commanding badguys. At least she's no longer Officially Underaged Girl-for-a-Head though. Man, how confusing a name is that if you aren't familiar with her previous look? Everyone reading this read part 1 first right?
Man, I totally want to know why they keep showing Dr. Wily in the opening here. Is he going to show up as a monster of the week? Will there be robot masters? Anyway, here's some kickboxer talking to some slut. They wait a while to show her face so maybe I'm supposed to recognize it? Or maybe it's just because he tried to kick it off and it being bent over behind her doesn't seem to phase her. Oh, and Mom is now being officially introduced at a city council meeting as 1st Secretary General of The United Thug Alliance. Yeah, Mom is totally the best non-Grandpa character here. Oh, I guess this is just the thug alliance having a meeting. Then the Thug Hunters bust in and kidnap them. Now see, THIS is a kidnapping plot I can get behind. Kid's a total loser, but Mom is awesome enough for me not to want to see her dead. Also... wow. I need to screengrab this. Honey Dad and Gramps are dressed as tough gangish highschool kids. Gramps has Kamina shades. He also apparently has a freeze ray hidden in his skull. Neat. And for those who care, Sailor Honey. Not Sailor Moon style schoolgirl outfit. She's like, dressed like Donald Duck. Anyway, to infiltrate this base, for some reason, New Girl had to put on a standard schoolgirl outfit and submit to a submit to a stripping/cavity search. And the leader of these people is some girl dressed like M. Bison or something, flanked by New Girl I guess and some other girl in super slutty bondage gear. Have we officially crossed over into Kekko Kamen here? Anyway, the rest of the supporting characters have to go fight some weirdoes. And... no, that's not New Girl. Why do the characters recognize her?
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Meanwhile, Honey switched to... crossdressing mode? The transformation sequence involved the whole Breast Binding bit and she's using a deeper voice and has manly sideburns. So... I guess she wanted to get tossed into the guy's side of the prison for some reason? Or something? And didn't we establish if she really wanted to she could just go full on guy, like when she was a perfect replica of spider-cyborg for no good reason? But oh right. "Some guy" isn't anyone's fetish, so that wouldn't work. Anyway though, Dad has to fight some dudes solo, but apparently he's Secretly Unbeatup-able. Like Raging Bull style. Anyway, beating them up doesn't really mean they get to go free, so.... we're just killing time now. So... now a french nazi with an electric riding crop is whipping Honey's clothes off. "I'm afraid I don't have time to play S&M games with you and your friends anymore!" So transform into... normal vanilla Honey mode? That's not for beating dudes up with! OK, here's Sentai Show costume. THAT'S for fighting dudes in. Why not do this before beating that last batch up though? Or like, all the time? Pretty goofy costume though. I might need to bump some other episodes out to properly screengrab from this one.
Anyway, Honey's mask gets cut off, and "Gasp! You're just a girl?" Well... yeah? What were you expecting? Some kind of robot? Because actually she is really. Also? This transformation to Fighting mode? Yeah, we just recycled a bunch from previous transformation sequences at random. Like, she's suddenly blond, her clothes disappear, she's suddenly in crossdress mode, clothes disappear, she's suddenly in a totally different posture, rest of fighting mode transformation. It's like they just grabbed a big wad of cells from the transformation sequence pile without looking at what any of them were. Also wow that was a needlessly filthy exchange I won't be repeating. Anyway... some random NPC just broke out of jail and set the whole base to blow so we can just ignore the rest of this episode's plot now and have a monster fight. Man, this is a boring monster design. Come on, let's get our act together here. Crazy monster designs are what you're supposed to be delivering on in a way that ISN'T lame. She's winning thouh, but random NPC comes and saves the day. Wow, you'r really great random generic guy! Well, OK, he's that kickboxer guy and he's gotten a lot of screen time this episode... oh hey is he secretly Devilman? Because he's totally dropping hints that he is. One of these days I really need to actually watch Devil Man. It's really not in very easily watchable form though. There's like... 4 unrelated movies and an OAV and maybe a TV series? And most haven't been translated? And the one everyone knows was from back in the old passing tapes by hand fansub days. Netflix can't come up with any of this last I checked.
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OK, last one here. Last chance for Dr. Wilyy to suddenly show up with a flame thrower. Or like, anything else from that last few seconds of the intro that aren't just 4 panels of boob. GASP! It's him! It's really him! Dr. Wily for no good reason! Right at the start of the episode! Apparently he has a teleporter and a tank with a drill on it. And... he just had a heart attack and the actual badguy of the week, some nude girl in a bathtub full of gold got up with some big laser rifle and shot him? Please tell me this is some sort of dream sequence?
OH AND IT'S THAT GIRL! The freaky girl with the mustache from Actual Cutey Honey! Yay! A familiar face! Anyway, she's doing a news cast, but gets interrupted by Dr. Wily. "That old weirdo is the guy who did Grampa's cyber-surgery." So yeah. This is officially the best episode ever... of these OAVs. Which isn't saying much. So, I guess it was a stun gun. Dr. Wily has this totally badass looking missing eye by the way. And he's Officially Pervy. But he's still awesome because he's totally Dr. Wily. And apparently a good guy. And made Gramps.
Now we suddenly cut to Honey as a stripper, tossing her underwear off and saying "Honey Flash" as she, well, flashes the audience. The in-show audience, not the real one. Anyway, she just runs down through like, every costume concept the writers couldn't think up a good reason to use. This is all apparently to find spider-borg, who we apparently never killed, is reasonable enough that we can ask him for help, and we knew he hung out at this strip club. So... yeah. There was no in-plot reason to have 20 form Honey strip tease tossed in there. And... wait what?
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OK, the badguy of the week? She's just some girl in gold non-armor. And she has special doors on her braw to open them up, exposing her boobs. Which officially are so magically rockin' that seeing them causes people to pass out. This apparently requires a huge amount of electricity to use thouggh. Seriously. Her battery was low when she tried to counter "Honey Flash!" with "Oh yeah? Then I guess this is Gold Flash!" but her batteries are too low, so while her boobs are exposed, it fails to stun Honey. Then she uses her, her words here, "Golden Shower" attack, to fire golden bullets from machine guns, which are hard enough to break knight mode's armor, leaving just a metal bikini, because.... making gold super hard is apparently her other power. OK, this lady makes no sense whatsoever. Anyway, she uses the teleporter gun she stole from Dr. Wily to teleport her and spider cyborg into a freezer. The supporting cast speculate on how she could just has easily have been teleported into the depths of space, or into a solid object. Both of these have visual aids assume that she would be teleported without her clothes for some reason. Spider goes "Man, this sucks! Why did I have to get dragged into this?" Anyway, Spider's freezing, and Honey apologizes and hits on him to make it less cold. So he... pretends to attempt to rape her and intentionally falls on the door so they can get out and see the bridge crew?
Again. I can live with horrible fan service for it's own sake. Could you try and integrate it into the narrative though? Here's more. The forces of good gather all the gold in the city into one room to set a trap, because, you know, that's her thing. So... she teleports in, and teleports everyone else into a shower room full of nude girls. Brilliant plan that. Then she seems some golden statue of a nude girl and starts making out with it. Which is kind of an odd thing to do. Then she notices that when she squeezes its boob it moves, and doesn't feel like a statue, and radiates heat, and elicits moaning when licked. Somehow she DOESN'T REALIZE IT ISN'T ACTUALLY A STATUE as she observes all these facts, and says "I should have known!" when it's eventually revealed that the statue is really just Honey.... with everyone else in the protagonist family and Dr. Wily hiding under the base.
Then Gold Digger (official name) turns into 4 separate lizard people. And GASP! KILLS DR. WILY! NOOOOOOOOO! It was probably just some robot copy or hologram or something. Anyway, in rage, Honey lunges at the one lizard girl that counts, and... this causes her to revert to human form, makes her clothes vanish, and then causes her to gradually disintegrate into nothing. Oh, and then Dr. Wily gets up just fine despite the gaping hole in his chest, because obviously, much like Gramps, he's a cyborg and has a nice armored torso. And with that totally random filler episode which doesn't even mention the main badguy type plot arc we've apparently been building towards, the series is over. Huh. Apparently they were originally planning to make a 9th episode, but that was just supposed to be a Christmas episode. So... unless the ultimate evil can only be defeated by Fetish-Girl-Santa Suit, I can't imagine it not being less anticlimactic. I can, however, TOTALLY imagine the ultimate evil being defeated by Fetish-Girl-Santa Suit. Because Go Nagai is totally @#$%ing insane like that. But yeah. That's New Cutey Honey. It's awful. Actual Cutey Honey from the 70's though is awesome. It's just Mega Man with a sex change fighting evil cat girls and mobsters in abstract magazine cover painting settings. And not full of nudity. No Gramps though... actually he's technically in there I guess, but not as a crazy old cyborg, so who really cares?
