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As I have mentioned several times, most recently when doing one of these for the Iczers, I have had this baffling screencap sitting here for years. I've been trying to figure out what the hell it came from, because its ridiculousness just demanded some kind of contextualization. Then quite recently, I learned that Reverse Image Searches are a thing. Tada. 5 seconds later, My My Mai. So I hunted the sucker down, and now we're finally going to learn the context of the healing powers gatling gun. I'm going to be really disappointed if that line was being spoken from off camera. I'm also going to be really surprised if this is at all watchable.
We start off with some boob exposure right in the intro, so, you know, that's always a sign of dread. Here's another. A stationary crowd in an OAV. Anyway, the main character here is looking for a doctor for reasons I wasn't at all paying attention to, in Shinjuku. I don't know a whole lot about Shinjuku, just that there's that one movie everyone's seen where it's full of subway demons with mouths on their stomaches and such. Oh and I've also been there that one time. And played a couple videogames set there. OK, I guess I know a decent amount about Shinjuku. Apparently it's a shady neighborhood. So shady the main character here, while looking for a doctor's office, is... hired as a stripper against her will. Well, not so much a stripper, just a waitress at this night club which makes all the waitresses dress as strippers. And also prostitutes. And uh... main character? Why are you going along with this? You really need to do more than say "uh, excuse me..." at some point between being dragged in, forced to wear the slutty costume, being sent to wait tables, and getting dragged off to be raped... by which I mean thrown onto a bed and given a massage with misleading camera angles, which was totally obvious in context.
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So... this isn't really doing a good job of rationalizing how it's putting the main character in slutty costumes and having her make sex noises is what I'm trying to say. Which would seem to be our general premise. Anyway, turns out the guy giving her the massage is the doctor she was looking for. Also, his wig falls off and I guess he's a vampire or something... whose wig keeps him from being evil. OK, are you following this? If you are that's pretty impressive, because I'm not. So yeah, now he's turned evil, and is planning to rape her for real using secret acupuncture techniques. Oh yeah, he used secret acupuncture techniques to fend off mobsters earlier too. And.. yeah. We're officially going with the wig of alignment changing deal here. This creepy old lady comes in at the last minute to put it back on him and explain the situation.
So... new quest! Cure him of his multiple personality disorder, so he can be dragged back to perform surgery on his boss without transforming into some kind of vampire rapist clown that would just stab him. Asking good mode doctor the best way to cure such a thing, he says "Stab the patient in the balls with an acupuncture needle and twist it." So... she waits until nightfall, sneaks into his room, and... gets completely naked for some reason. He wakes up and demands to know what the hell she's doing. I'd... kinda like to know that too. Then she stabs him as instructed, and he kinda leaps up, wig falling off, and shouts what the hell did you do that for? So.. now as punishment he's tying her to a bed and attempting to torture her with ancient chinese medical techniques that don't work because her boobs are too big. This... really doesn't make sense at all, and I don't want to keep watching it, but we must press on in the name of understanding. Eventually the misaimed ball needles though cause his hair to grow back, transforming him permanently to his non-evil mode. And... then the main character goes home, just COMPLETELY dropping whatever the hell premise we had going in.
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Oh, we didn't drop it. Just the main character did. We start off with a quick cut to the whole people desperately needing this super amazing doctor bit. That's... good I guess. Now we're moving on though. Here's some famous guy trying to be all incognito in a park, and just kinda tripping over people making out. Also, did I mention how the first episode had some girl kinda getting raped in a back alley as an example of it being a seedy neighborhood, because that probably bears mentioning. Anyway, yeah, famous dude goes to the office of the main character, who I'm going to go right ahead and call Mai since it's in the title and clearly her name and all. So he goes up and rings the door boob. That... isn't a typo. There's a disembodied boob sticking out of the door, whose nipple must be pinched in place of ringing a bell. And... I guess it's just her actual boob sticking through a hole. WTF AM I WATCHING?
So... we seem to be slowly making our way to a premise for the episode of Mai needing to solve his problem with... being "allergic to nudity." Which in context seems more like a mistranslation of perviness. Since he has now broken out in hives first from the door boob, then from accidentally kneeing Mai in the groin. So now she's posing in her underwear and generally being a total slut at him to work out the specific triggers here. Then she runs an analysis on her computer. Which I guess she can do. The computer says that's so not a thing. Correct, computer. So now she's trying psychology. She handcuffs herself to him and sticks the key in her cleavage, then fake calls a tabloid over. So... that works out. He can totally make out with girls in movies if he has a stereo blaring the sounds of tabloid reporters beating the door down nearby. But they kick her out when they go to actually film something and horrible secret exposed.
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Still not over the doorboob for what it's worth. That's so many kinds of messed up. Oh, and this episode ALSO starts with the people who hired Mai to find that doctor freaking out over how their daughter is dying because she never actually delivered him. Fortunately, here's a witch to come help. She says "faith healer" but she's got a pointy witch hat and black cape. After looking at her with night vision goggles, she strips this off, to reveal that yes, soon, soon we will have our context! She's dressed all harem girl style and she's going to perform an exorcism with her healing powers. So, seeling paper on face, complex geometric shapes on the floor, levitation, and "Behold! I am Satan!" "What a hunk. Will you marry me?" Real, back to back quotes here. Satan's got a pretty good look. Red eyed purple skinned satyr sorta deal. And now here it comes. She's going to fight Satan with her "healing bazooka powers."
Also, here's Mai actually showing up with the doctor. She apologizes for forgetting the plot for so long. Anyway, Witch starts slobbering over the doctor instead, and Mai deals with Satan. She holds up a crucifix to ward him off, but he just looks away. So then she strips, revealing an... "outfit" consisting of just crosses covering her nipples and crotch. Satan cannot resist looking, and is laid low by this. At which point, "I'll finish this beast with my healing powers!" Much as that magical screen cap from long ago promised, yeah, this girl refers to firing a gatling gun at Satan "her healing powers." And that's awesome, even if everything else about this is just VILE. Which it is. Only one episode left though.
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Interesting side now, only the first episode seems to have bothered with credits. This one is set at the beach. Here's some apparently evil girl named Mii, whose bathing suit doesn't particularly exist. Thong and two little butterflies stuck on her nipples. And here's that witch again, in full witch garb, because why not? And now it's later, and Mai is applying ointment to the friend she came with, and also Mii, because they got sunburns and all three have to split a room at the bed and breakfast these 3 old Yoda looking ladies with giant heads are running. Now here's a ghost story about how this room is haunted because they once forced 50 old ladies to share it. Apparently Witch was called in to banish the ghosts but failed because she kinda sucks and I guess heavy artillery doesn't actually work on ghosts. So these other 3 are now all "Ghostbusters!" No really, they shouted that.
So here's some ghosts. Or, sheets with goofy zombie heads. They hit it with a rune covered bat, but it's just some kid in a costume. So he's going to ghost bust I guess. Turns out the ghosts don't actually attack at midnight, but at 3 AM. So they pass the time by watching some porn. It's pay per view though and they're cheap so no. Here's a gratuitous shower scene instead. Oh, at least the water's nice enough to turn into blood. There's also a toilet hand. Now some other stuff. Friend jumps into a portal to the ghost dimension to fight them, doesn't really go well.
So turns out the whole ghost thing is a scam run by geezers to stir up tourism. So now for revenge they're going to go all reverse Scooby Do. Which of course means stripping naked to have zombie makeup rubbed into boobs and crotch. Because again, this thing is REALLY bad at rationalizing its nudity. There's a fair bit of that, then Mii tries to rape Mai, as seems to be pretty common. "They aren't cat spirits at all! Just a couple lesbians!" is an interesting line though. Now back to the plan. And... well that's just weird looking. And apparently the random kid dressed as a ghost who helped them do the reverse Scooby Doo bit was secretly a ghost the whole time, which... totally does not hold up as a twist at all. So... that was all terrible, but at least now I have closure.
