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You know, Red's hair is pretty amazing. They don't make hair like that anymore. It gets me thinking really. Humanity has a really bad track record when it comes to there being some ecological disaster, there being a pretty good solution that just requires everyone not to be an obstinate selfish jerk, and we don't get anywhere with it. The big one in the late 80's though was the hole in the ozone layer. Remember that? It was this big horrible thing that was going to kill us all? And we worked out that it was being caused by the insane amounts of hairspray people were using at the time to create these huge poofy hard hairstyles? Eventually people just... stopped using those, and tada. Problem solved. And now people make fun of those hairstyles. There's a lesson here.
Also, there's this actual episode here. Today, we're going to visit a cowboy world! I wasn't really paying attention to why because I was rambling about hairspray, so I'm going to assume it's like a giant themepark or something, but the important thing is that this basically just decided to be a Trigun episode for the heck of it, and I'm OK with that. Evidently, in addition to dressing up like cowboys and eating yakisoba (because that's what cowboys eat, right?) Red and Blue are running some kinda scam where one's playing bodyguard and one's playing hitman. And this guy is going around wearing this Godzilla mask for some reason which is pretty darn distracting. But anyway yeah, they're undercover investing this criminal jerk. And presumably this rival criminal jerk. Because this series is all about taking what should be really simple goofy little one shot episode premises and ending up with surprisingly convoluted and hard to watch plots.
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Now here's the girls call- OW WOW THOSE ARE AWESOME PUNKS, girls calling each other to compare notes, in what is clearly intended as a super fan service scene. Because one is in a nightgown and the other in a towel having just left the shower. Again, it's amazing to compare this to the regular, I'm going to school or whatever wearing this outfits in modern shows. Anyway, back I go to being hypnotized by the super awesome punks. Seriously, they've got mohawks, and vests, and motorcycles... what is it with me and 80's style punks anyway? Is it just some weird nostalgia thing? Is it related to me being more into Billy Idol than most people would willingly admit? Is it just the natural appeal of a giant spiky colorful mohawk? Oh and speaking of Mohawks, this one guy working for one of the badguys kinda has this white Mr. T thing going, and he's ridiculously huge. Like, dude's gotta be 3 meters tall here.
Also, that spaceship is such a spaceship. I cannot get over how a spaceship it is. Anyway, people kinda found them out, or at least have their suspicions, and order them to go have a one on one duel before the two gangs fight, so to stall for time they just have a girly slap fight. It's kinda like that one episode of Venture Bros. except nobody's shouting at them to stop fighting and fight. Anyway, their backup arrives, they get on the ship, and giving Opa-Opa a congratulatory pat on the back causes it to accidentally fire the main guns at the explosive stone mine the cowboy planet is set up to mine. "It's not going to blow up the whole planet, right? The whole surface is just glowing, that's not some massive chain reaction blowing the whole thing up, lalala!" But yeah, they accidentally destroy a whole planet.
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So while I'm sitting through this intro, might as well point out that like most shows of this vintage, Dirty Pair likes to show clips from next episode with totally unrelated narration. It's kinda weird how there was a long period of time when literally everyone did that. I mean, if one person does it, that's a funny gag. When it becomes the norm though, that's just WEIRD. Anyway, here's the king of Pretty Princess Planet having a heart attack. Man, this show has so many different SENSIBLE OUTFITS it puts the main characters in. Today Blue has a headband instead of Red, which is just weird. Anyway, turns out the Prince we're here to defend from these SO CLEARLY EVIL dudes is 12, so Red and Blue are pretty disappointed. Also, HIS ROOM ASPLODE! And man, that's some pretty awesomely animated falling into a tree there. Anyway, because these plots have to get all complex, apparently the prince faked his own assassination because he wants to- oh no, he just wasn't home because his friends took him out to the disco. Also, Pretty Princess Planet is actually called Caspia. Making him the Caspian Prince. Interesting fun fact- How funny you find that is directly related to what a huge nerd you are. And I guess the whole planet isn't all Pretty Princess, I mean, there's a proper cityscape and technology, they just have very Pretty Princess looking royalty with horse drawn carriages and such.
Anyway, they take the prince and scram for a less explodey area, but their flying car gets shot down and they crash in the wasteland. Also they both forgot to wear their communicator earrings. Anyway, turns out the prince is all like, super great and competent at Princely stuff and can totally lead the through the wastelands. Eventually though they run into some friendly gypsies headed for the spaceport. But oh no some random girl sees them! And by the dramatic music, clearly she aims to report their whereabouts to Bad Guys! Oh. OK, the gypsies are secretly evil, and this girl's cool apparently. Actually no, she saw a news report about the prince's friends disgusting themselves as these two and plotting to kidnap the prince. See what I mean about these plots getting crazy convoluted all the time? Anyway, she figures there's ransom money to be had, so she sneaks them out on a pair of chocobos. Laser shooting plane/car things immediately begin to pursue them. Because this show's awesome like that. They also shoot the tires off the gypsies caravan, causing it to crash and start a flood somehow in this narrow valley. Everyone is getting swept down river, and are barely saved by a grappling hook. Red's is slipping though, so Prince has her toss him her gun to shoot some rocks and block the water off.
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Then the cops show up and arrest the main characters, believing them to be their own crossdressing impersonators. Prince comes by and... opts not to bail them out because he wants to sneak off with Girl for a while. Also, it turns out Red didn't lose her communicator earring, it's been caught on her boot the whole time, and Mugi and Opa-Opa have heard everything they've been saying, they were just being jerks apparently.
So between that last episode and this one I took a break to... spend a full week arguing with someone about whether werewolves in D&D should be able to be killed without silver weapons, or turn other people into werewolves. This... probably was not the most productive use of my time. Back to the much more fulfilling activity of rambling about a 30 year old cartoon from another country!
OK, I just blinked, and the main characters just blew up an entire city while cheering about how doing so means they get to take a week off now and go on dates. Red has a high tech Future Pad with the names of some prospective dating dudes... who she then proceeds to call with her standard, curly cord phone. This isn't me being some "durhurhur remember when people had things that weren't cell phones?" jerk. It's legitimately weird for people in a space show to have perfectly normal looking corded phones no matter what year it was made in. I mean... they have communicator earrings for talking to everyone the rest of the time! Red prepares for a date by dressing like she's going to an circa 1905 Equestrian Club meeting... causing her to be mistaken for a due who robbed a space bank or something. And Blue, dressed more properly girly, looks like his accomplice, naturally. Again, I'm really pleasantly surprised at how these two are in new outfits pretty much every episode, and that they're always things I could actually see people in the real world wearing in everyday situations. Well, OK, not always everyday situations. Again, this outfit's for horse riding.
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So... now the army has their ship surrounded, demanding the release of the children they're believed to be holding hostage since... a bunch of little kids just kinda snuck onto their ship. The kids are being total jerks. Red just kinda beats up an 8 year old girl, with the radio still on. This show is pretty great sometimes. Anyway, eventually they just kinda cram all the kids into a cargo container, take off, drop it, and head off to their dates... except they missed one. And when they go to return him they're arrested. And... for some reason placed in their hot pants work clothes. They're pretty much immediately established as, you know, themselves, and pardoned, but break out anyway before being told this. This is treated as further proof of their true identities. And then they're just kinda forced into helping stop the real space bank robbers, who have awesome sunglasses, because... well, the kids point them out to a camera crew, and you know, PR. Turns out the robbers incidentally are like, 50. So... yeah. This is not the most challenging of comedy writing on display today. After being so sidetracked, they decide to make up for lost time with a "double warp." Which is to say... they go into hyperspace, and then, while in hyperspace... hit that button again. Just... yeah, OK. Anyway, they eventually go to what they figure is going to be a double date (Red now outright cross-dressing as a 20's mobster) which... turns out to just be some boring work party.
So oh yeah, the other day I happened to stumble onto a little music video thing someone did of the 90's revival of Dirty Pair. Dear gods does it look terrible. I don't mean like... it looks like a show I would not enjoy watching, although, that's also true. I mean the character designs were nauseatingly terrible. I think I've made it clear in my ramblings here that I have a pretty darn indiscriminate love of 80's anime. If it isn't just really boring, even the bad stuff is great. 90's anime though... that's pretty hit and miss. There's a lot of good 90's anime, and it tends to be pretty distinct and varied, with the only real linking factors being that the budgets tend to be painfully low to the point it barely qualifies as animation half the time, and most of the good stuff is seriously influenced by Twin Peaks. Bad 90's anime though is really easy to spot. It all just kinda looks like the same poorly drawn skeevy show, you know?
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Anyway though yeah, this episode here. We're in some science place, and there's this bit where a brain destroying louse escapes, but they catch it. Also... this episode may be set in NIMH. Also oh wow this chef here is chasing a rat around with a pair of scimitars. Also, Mugi is scared of mice. OK, mice then? Yeah, super-intelligent mouse army here. Or maybe they're just regular intelligent, but there's a lot. And they're in this restaurant, in this sciece facility... I just really need to start paying better attention to the first minutes of episodes don't I. Anyway, chaos ensues. "The mice were later named Algernon and Chichi." Anyway, crazy scientist actually is like... having Algernon take over this entire facility to test his skills as a great leader of super intelligent mice... or... oh. Oh wow. That wasn't quite the plan, but it's what's happening now, and I just saw a mouse demand all the humans in the facility surrender in a cute high-pitched voice before his image faded out into a swastika. And now the king and queen of the super-intelligent mice have little capes. Like Nibler. And now the main characters have just gone out and brought in a truckload of kittens. So... basically this episode has now just full on turned into a Narbonic story arc. I approve of this development.
The militant lady officially in charge of this facility is named Fangoria. That's... pretty awesome. The mice have laser pistols (which they're using in teams of 3 of course). That's also awesome. This episode? Yeah, this is a good episode. And now the main characters are just breaking out the grenades and grappling hooks and stuff. "To the great mouse ancestors, I present to you this giant sacrificial cat on this glorious day!" Anyway, the brain destroying mouse they brought to bring down the mouse leader gets loose and bites both of hem, causing them to become idiots, but fortunately Opa-Opa arrives save the day. Also, that was a fake brain louse... and they go to stab Algernon with the real one, but Chichi jumps in the way, taking the bullet as it were. Grief-stricken, Algernon jumps through the nearest window, killing himself. Episode over. Wow.
