This one's a bit different than the usual Consciousness Stream, in that it's a blow by blow of a book instead of a movie. Well, two really, since the DMG is coming up next. As such, I can't really throw in a bunch of screens (well, I suppose I COULD scan various pages in). I also feel the need to point out these are my page by page thoughts going through, not a review. A huge number of these gripes go away if you, as I now do, stop thinking of this as D&D4, and instead just look at it as a brand new Fantasy RPG called Dandifor. On the other hand, a lot of this stuff comes off as really legitimately impressive on first reading, and heck, the first time you play the game. Having some actual experience with the game now though, it gets real tedious real fast, and the phrase insultingly easy comes to mind. I might actually review the sucker some time, but only if I can talk a group into giving it a fair shake by playing it on its own terms, rather than trying to play it like I'd play any other version of D&D, where it just completely sucks and does not work.
"Dungeons & Dragons Player's Handbook: Arcane, Divine, and Martial Heroes."
All those hippie classes are being left out to justify later expansion of the "Core Rules" bookset.
"The Dungeons & Dragons game is a roleplaying game."
It's a bad sign when page 1, sentence 1 looks like the result of bad translation or a lazy text parser.
"Tieflings are a race descended from ancient humans who bargained with infernal powers."
So THAT'S what they're calling it these days!
Quick Aside: Things that creep me out in basic PHB contents-
Races: +Dragonborn, Tiefling, Eldarin (read: more elves) - Gnome.
Classes: +Warlock, Warlord - Barbarian, Bard, Druid, Monk, Sorcerer.
Short version of that: Replacing the basic race/class list with the minmaxer's favorites race/class list.
"For example, if you don't have a cleric in your party, a warlord serves just as well for the leader role."
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Someone working on this had a MASSIVE inferiority complex about his clerics.
Not easily summed up in a single quote here, but they very strongly canonize that even the tiniest of towns have a mix of every PC race in them, and that every party of adventurers had better darn well be as diversified as the traditional fight/mage/thief/cleric set. It goes on in great specific detail on what class combinations should make up a proper party, including a lot of specific terminology created just for this purpose. RAR.
"Your Constitution score is added to your hit points at first level."
OK, that I actually like. In fairness to my theme of snarkiness here though, that's directly lifted from Palladium.
"For Fortitude defense, you add the higher of Strength or Constitution ability modifiers."
And Reflex is dex/int will is wis/cha. So... what you're saying is, Wis and Dex are total dump-stats.
"Method 3: Rolling Scores"
Method 2 being point buy (which I hate in practice despite liking in theory), and method 1 being "Here you go- 16, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10." Actually I kinda like that one to be honest.
And... I'm going to just skip past this whole 5 alignments (only 2 of which are allowed for PCs) notion because I've already griped about it... and really the next several pages are just broad stroke issues... there's a shocking lack of things that happen when you go up a level, Thac0/BAB, base saving throws, and skill ranks seem to have universally been replaced with half-your-level-rounded-down... tiers bother me and actually seem to be stolen directly from RetroMUD oddly enough, Dragonborn are Proud Warrior Race Guys.... Half-Elves are described as combining the best features of humans and elves and being universally liked by everyone... so... if everyone's living in the same place, and half-elf kids count as half-elves, shouldn't pureblooded humans and elves be crazy rare and probably inbred? That'd be much more interesting and sensible. Also, this book's organization is really terrible. It's like- 10 pages of insulting your intelligence, 1 page of rules, 3 pages of flavor text, repeat.
Oh, and despite claims to the contrary, it's STILL all other races have +2 to one stat and one marginal special ability, humans get +1 feat/skill/at-will power. That last bit actually makes them decidedly more broken.
"Additional power sources and techniques provide characters of different classes with powers and abilities. These will appear in future Player's Handbook volumes. For example, barbarians and druids draw on primal forces of nature, monks harness the power of their soul energy (or ki), and psions call upon the mind to generate psionic powers."
... OK. My cynical comment about the subtitle? Here it frelling is in the middle of the book! A big frelling ad for how they're turning the PHB into a set of 3 or 4 books to gouge people out of extra cash if they want the classes D&D has always had. That's just horrible. Especially considering how content-free this here book is, and how not having them all out at once makes it hard to properly use the strategy of- force everyone to buy all these so they can properly convert their current parties to the new rules. RARARAR!
"Flavor Text"
... ... OK, people? When we're talking about an RPG, an actual description of what happens when I cast this here spell is NOT "Flavor Text!" It's what the spell does! Ideally, the actual damage involved should be totally secondary to the fact that I just created a lake full of acid in the middle of the room!
Now we've got, like... 10 pages here of explaining what "One adjacent target" means. I'm not kidding. Ah... here's the first actual rules (aside from stat generation and racial perks) starting on page frelling 60.
"Key Abilities: Wisdom, Strength, Charisma."
We have pre-min-maxed everything for you. As a cleric, there is absolutely no reason not to use Con, Dex AND Int as dump stats.
"Hit Points at 1st Level: 12+Constitution score. Hit Points per Level Gained: 5."
OK. No complaints here. This is one massive flaw in D&D's rules that they outright fixed here. Rolling HP is just horrible, as is single-digit HP at level 1.
"Trained Skills: Religion. From the class skills list below, choose three more skills at 1st level."
The list below is just 6 things. It seems the entire skill list is the same one from 3rd Ed, but you're severely restricted in what you can take, and it's all pass-fail. So... we've basically reverted back to non-weapon proficiencies. Personally, I have no problem with this, because seriously, anything is an improvement over 3rd ed's skill system. Anything.
After this overview, we've got a page with detailed instructions on how to properly min-max in various ways, basically giving you pre-generated characters and telling you how to improve them as they level. Icky.
So... first off, I have to point out how AMAZINGLY not-magical clerics are. The whack-for-buffs bit is kinda magicy, sure, and every 8 levels or so it's possible to learn an actual honest to goodness healing spell, but aside from that, the only things that are at all magic-y are summon mystic weapon (which is what it always has been), 2 improved versions of that, and one or two daily type things that make a little spotlight of messing up monsters inside. I get the distinct impression that this game has absolutely no spells that don't have an obvious direct combat application.
Also, here's the first batch of paragon paths... and they're actually significantly less cool than previously indicated. Each one gives you 3 general innate perks (like, get one last action off before you're knocked unconscious), and unlocks the ability to grab 3 powers as you're heading up in levels.
"While a target is marked, it takes a -2 penalty to attack rolls for any attack that doesn't include you as a target."
OK, this is one of the innate things fighters can just really do. I thought I was joking about them having MMORPG style aggro control! WTF!
And... here's a handy little chart on what stats you need to be high to properly min-max feats depending on the sort of weapon you plan to use. Gruuuuuu...
"Miss: Half Strength modifier damage. If you're wielding a two-handed weapon, you do damage equal to your strength modifier."
OK, just so we're clear on this, one of the 4 at-will powers fighters get is essentially- hit when you miss. Incidentally, pretty much all daily powers in the game have a consolation prize effect along the same lines as this deal when you miss with'em. That's kind of an interesting mechanic there. It's basically save for half damage applied way more broadly.
"You must choose an alignment identical to the alignment of your patron deity; a paladin of a good deity must be good, a paladin of a lawful good deity must be lawful good, a paladin of an unaligned deity must be unaligned. Evil and chaotic evil paladins do exist in the world, but they are almost always villains, not player characters."
... OK. I've always found the restrictions on paladins to be a bit severe, but this is seriously a case of throwing the baby out with the bath water. Oh, and much like clerics, they make a big point of how they aren't actually getting their powers from their gods. They're a byproduct of the initiation ceremony.
"Once initiated, the paladin is a paladin forevermore. How justly, honorably, or compassionately the paladin wields those powers from that day forward are up to him..."
DOUBLE-YOO! TEE! EFF!
"Lay on Hands - Paladin Feature"
OK... wait... let me get this straight. Clerics don't heal people unless with the 10 out of 60 or so power choices they grab the few once-a-day healing powers scattered around in there, but paladins can toss out wis-mod heals per day innately? Again. Dude's got issues with his clerics.
"Angelic Intercession - Daily - Divine, Teleportation - Immediate Interupt, Personal - Trigger: An ally within 5 squares of you is hit by an attack. - Effect: You teleport adjacent to the ally and are hit by the attack instead."
Hey look! Paladin's can learn Cover in this game!
"Here Waits Thy Doom" "To the Nine Hells With You"
OK, on the one hand, the various powers paladins get all pretty much do the exact same things as each other, but they had an awful lot of fun naming them.
It occurs to me, getting into the ranger section here, that there is an awful awful awful lot of overlap in the effects of various powers. Aside from most of them being improved versions of earlier powers that just do an extra die of damage, it seems like everything that's at all fighty gets a "basic attack with +2 to hit" attack, every class period gets access to a 7[W] (W being whatever die type for your weapon I gather) damage once a day attack power at level 29, etc.
"Choose one of the following options. Artful Dodger: You gain a bonus to AC equal to your Charisma modifier against opportunity attacks. Brutal Scoundrel: You gain a bonus to Sneak Attack damage equal to your Strength Modifier."
OK, I kinda like this whole thing where half the classes have to pick between 2 sub-types angle... but dude. Rogues get frelling Mollifying Exquisiteness from Glistening Chests! The hell!
"When you wield a shuriken, your weapon damage die increases by one size."
Uh... you don't really WIELD a shuriken guys. You just throw'em at people.
"Warlocks rely on Charisma, Constitution, and Intelligence. No warlock powers or class features depend on Strength, Dexterity, or Wisdom."
Man. I say these things, I think I'm exaggerating, and then I read something like this. I guess they thought it would be slightly tacky to use the phrasing "These are total dump stats:" Also, I kinda object to warlocks on general principle. It's the "I made a deal with the devil to get evil magic powers!" class. Why the $@#% am I allowed to take it if I'm good? I mean, being anti-demon is basically how we're defining good here!
"Inspiring Word - Warlord Feature"
OK... see this? This is another inherent, class-based marginally restricted healing ability given to a class that's ostensibly way more fightery than clerics. I am convinced at this point that this entire game is the result of some guy always wanting to be a fighter but having to make a cleric to balance out the party because there was already a fighter. Absolutely convinced. Everything points to this conclusion. Back to the point at hand though, this is the ability to heal someone by yelling at them. Presumably like a drill sargent.
"Commander's Strike - ... At Will ... Attack: An ally of your choice makes a melee basic attack against the target."
My basic attack is my friend making a basic attack. That's kinda neat. I'm just picturing a party with one stupidly-high-strength fighter, and a whole mess of warlords. Everyone pools their money to get the fighter the biggest weapon they can, and then they all stand their cheering while he attacks 6 times per round.
"Effect: One ally who can hear you and is within 5 spaces of you makes a saving throw."
There's a few powers like this. As far as I can tell, we're just kinda recycling the term saving throw as "make a roll to try and shake off some negative condition with which you're afflicted. That's just WEIRD terminology. In context though, this is really funny, because this (like most things in this game) is one of those I hit a monster (for double damage in this case), and something good happens to a friend abilities. "I run up and kill the goblin! You! Make a saving throw!" "Ack! Against what!?!" "I don't care, just make a saving throw! Now!"
"Role: Controller. You exert control through magical effects that cover large areas - sometimes hindering foes, sometimes consuming them with fire."
You cast your little fireball, and that slow thing, then go stand over there while the big kids finish everything off. Shoo.
"Cantrips are minor spells you gain at 1st level. You can use the ghost sound, light, mage hand, and prestidigitation cantrips as at-will powers."
OK, you know what? That right there? That pretty much entirely makes up for the fact that at level frelling 30, mages finally get an 8th spell to play with. Plus the wording on these suckers is vague enough you can do some really horrific munchkinry.
"You possess a spellbook, a book full of mystic lore in which you store your rituals and your daily and utility spells."
Oh huh. So... mages actually get some spells beyond their severely restricted "powers." Which all take like 10 minutes to cast making them generally useless as rounds are now officially 6 seconds. Oh, and you get double the daily and utility powers as other classes. See, this is the problem with my consciousness stream approach here.
"The light fills the target's square and all squares within 4 squares of it."
What was that about the squares?
Hmm... OK, all but one of the at-will wizard powers (magic missile, 2d4+int mod) is 1d6+int mod damage to the target. Oh I see, they have slight targeting rules variations. Oh and hey, wizards can actually learn, like FOUR spells that aren't attacks! Feather fall, disguise self, mordenkainen's mansion, and flight. Think there was invisibility in there too.
So yeah, summing up how all these classes generally seem to work-
Clerics: I hit monsters and the little cartoony stars that fly out buff my friends for a round.
Fighters: I hit monsters and move other people's minis around the board.
Paladins: I hit monsters to buff my friends and I cast damage spells to yank monsters over to me.
Ranger: I attack twice per turn then get to move. Also, I have to pick between a bow and a pair of swords at creation.
Rouge: Attack: Dexterity vs. Reflex. Also, OMG! I actually get non-combat abilities! I didn't know this game had those!
Warlock: I pick one dude, cast various damage and conditiony spells at him, and get buffed when he dies.
Warlord: I am awesome multiplayer Breakout. I mean, I hit monsters and mind-control my party.
Wizard: I'm honestly the one class that still works more or less like you'd figure it would.
Ah, now we're into the "epic destiny" bit. The pseudo-classes you start taking levels in at level 21, and then when you max them out at level 30 and finish a quest, you win. AHEM. For example...
"Arcane Seclusion: When you complete your final quest, you retreat from the world to give your full time and attention to the study of the ultimate arcane formula, the Demispell, whose hyperplanar existence encompasses all the lesser spells there ever will or ever will be."
This goes on like this for a while. All these paths end with a big long distressingly specific and no-free-will-for-you little story like the above is the start of which pretty much all end with "and then you more or less decide to become a dull selfish bastard who assumes any problems in the world can be solved by some up and coming punk kid and nothing is your problem, so you just sit around all day from then on." Or you die or turn into a mountain or something. The short version is "At 30th level win, then your GM gets to use a lame out of character excuse to remove you from the game. Go make a new character."
There's some pretty absurd abilities along the way though!
"Arcane Spirit (24th level): Once per day, when you die..."
OK, I'm not quoting this whole thing, I just love how it starts. Short version is, you get to hang out as a ghost, and when the fight's over you can hop back in your body and be fine, or if you lost it, just keep hanging out all ghosty for a while.
"Archspell (30th level): Your comprehension of the ultimate arcane formula and of the spells that constitute it reaches a new threshold. Choose one daily spell that you know. You can now cast that spell as an encounter spell (rather than as a daily spell)."
Whoop-dee-frelling-doo? Is it me, or is it innately hilarious that being able to cast super-big-damage-spell every fight instead of every day comes 6 levels after "oh bah, I'm just dead, don't worry about it. I'll be fine in a few minutes."
The other 3 epic destinies in the PHB (as opposed to the extras posted on WotC's page somewhere) are Deadly Trickster (whose ultimate power is to force the GM to roll a 1 on a d20, seriously), Demigod (which is way less awesome than it sounds honestly), and Eternal Seeker, which lets you start taking your abilities from any class' list. I'd like to stress here that at level 21 you are given a choice between becoming a god or multiclassing.
The skills section is 13 pages. There are 17 skills. Skills have been severely lobotomized. What is eating this space? OK, one of them is spent explaining the concept that sometimes you do things besides fight. Seriously. One whole page. Ah. Most of it really is in-depth descriptions of what each is used for. Nevermind.
OK. This is kind of interesting. Theres a whole slew of feats that require you to A- be a cleric or paladin, and B- worship a particular god... and aha! They unlock those vaguely referred to other things you can spend your turning use on! 100 pages later an answer appears!
Wait a minute... wait a minute... none of these feats have other feats as requirements! None of them are crazy overpowered! Dear gods, most of them just let you round out your character some or buff your favorite power! They fixed BOTH of the things I hated the most about 3rd edition! ... and then they did like 20 other horrible things, but still! Gogo houserules 3.75th ed!
"Magic Items: When you have the gold to spend on magic items, this section shows you what's available. You'll find magic weapons, armor, and more."
Ahem. @#$% you. @#$% you. @#$% you. @#$% you. @#$% you. The all races live together and clerics and rogues always hang out together was bad enough. Here you are specifically spelling out that I can just go down to the corner magic item store and buy some +x weapons. Whose stats are in the PH-frelling-B. @#$% you.
OK... magic weapons, all of them, as a general rule have this listed- "Critical: 1d6 [element] damage per plus." As in, if I get a critical hit with this +5 sword here, I do an extra 5d6 damage on top of all my other critty damage. That's... pronounced.
"Noncombat Encounters"
That's where you actually maybe get some EXP for using your nonweapon proficiencies!
"You gain certain benefits when you reach a milestone - when you complete two encounters without stopping for an extended rest (see page 263)."
That sent up a red flag for me, but apparently the general idea is that a few things recover without needing to actually stop and take a nap, so you can go dungeon crawling without everyone going all narcoleptic, and all this per-encounter vs. per-day business becomes more significant.
OK... here's the actual rules all shoved towards the back of the book. After all the stuff that references them. I've been sitting here for like 200 pages trying to figure out some of this stuff. If you want to organize the book so it's easy to find stuff once you know the basics, that's cool. If you want to make sure things are set up so any given concept has been defined before it first comes up, that's cool too. This does neither. The mathy guts are smack dab in the middle, proceeded by condescention and followed by important rules terms. Rar.
... a lot of the actual combat rules (as in, the stuff not just handled by powers) is oddly complex and wonky. Like how a monster that takes up 16 spaces can compress itself down to just 1 if the PCs try and hide down a narrow hallway.
Rituals: Oh hey, here's some actual spells stuck in the back. They all take 10 minutes or more to cast, they're very much geared towards the boardgamey nature of thing (so phantom steed is in, but say, create water, stone to mud, those are gone... in fact I think I've specifically mentioned every conjuration illusion or alteration type spell that's still in the game already). Somewhat horrifying though is
"Enchant Item"
OK, here's how this works. I take a pair of boots. I look at the boots section of the magical items section. I find the thing I want. If it's level is equal to or below my own, I pay the gold cost of it, and tada. Mine now. So even if your DM goes against what's written in the PHB, upon hitting level 2 as a wizard, you get instantaneous access to a magic item store with infinite inventory. Rar.