It was not yet dawn when Hardin awoke, but he was awake nonetheless. And as usual, Sydney was beside him in the bed. Something was strange about that, but in his tired state, he couldn't quite recall what that was. Sighing softly, he gazed at the ceiling, folding his arms behind his head.

Sydney awakened as well and blinked at the surroundings... somehow he thought that he was not supposed to be in his bedroom. Hearing Hardin's sigh, he turned over and regarded his friend with surprise, as he remembered the events of the previous few days.

Hardin gazed at Sydney, expressionless, unsure what to say as his own memories came rushing back. Sydney stared back for a moment. "...Hardin."

In barely more than a whisper, Hardin replied. "...Sydney..."

Sydney averted his eyes, moving to stand up. "I... I'm not sure how I got here, but it wasn't my intention. I'll go now."

Hardin hesitated a moment, then reached out a hand to touch Sydney's shoulder as he rose. "Wait, Sydney..."

Sydney took a deep breath. "Yes...?"

Hardin sighed softly, not quite able to meet his eyes. "I...do not know what to say after all that has transpired...but I know that I do not want you to walk out that door...not like this..."

"Hm." Sydney made no move to leave, but neither did he lie back down. "Well... I don't know what to say either." He turns back to Hardin and smiled a little. "Imagine me, lost for words."

"I'm sorry..." might be a good place to begin, Hardin thought to himself, but he didn't say so, instead simply smiling slightly at the idea of Sydney being lost for words. "You? Lost for words? I never dared to think such a thing could happen."

"I'd never have expected you to be the one to come to my rescue, either..." Sydney muttered, lowering his eyes. "For that, I at least can say thank you."

Hardin chuckled softly. "It has been an awfully strange couple of days, has it not?" he asked, shaking his head. "You do not need to thank me. I know you would have done the same for me."

"Well, yes..." Sydney admitted, "but... hmm." He couldn't quite put the words together to say what he was feeling, for he'd never even tried before.

"You certainly gave that vampire what was coming to her," Hardin began, then took note of Sydney's uncertainty. "...hmm, what?"

Sydney settled back down on the bed, turning onto his side again to face Hardin, looking over him seriously. "...After everything, I would not have blamed you for just leaving me to whatever fate might come."

Hardin met Sydney's eyes and sighed again. "I could never do that to you, Sydney...it's not in my nature, especially when it comes to you." He hesitated. "Though I would be lying if I said it didn't take someone to convince me of that in my anger..."

Sydney smiled bitterly. "Of course."

"Did I not have a right to be angry...?" Hardin asked.

"Yes, you did." Sydney rolled onto his back, his sigh blowing a few stray strands of hair off his face.

Hardin sighed as well, but did not change his position. "Still...I am sorry if my anger hurt you."

"John, I..." Sydney began, then shook his head and turned away, hiding the uncertain look on his face.

Hardin watched Sydney carefully, not sure what to say. "Yes...? Please, Sydney, talk to me..."

Sydney waited long moments before replying. "...All right... so it hurt me. But I know I deserved it." He turned over again, meeting Hardin's eyes with obvious distress.

Hardin blinked, surprised at Sydney's almost emotional admission. "No more than I deserved to be hurt by you...but these things happen. I only wish you had spoken to me instead of..." Unwilling to say it, Hardin reached out a hesitant hand to brush the hair from Sydney's face...

Sydney closed his eyes. "John... I... I missed you. Even for that short time..."

Hardin left his hand resting gently on Sydney's hair. "I am sorry to cause you so much distress...it was never my intention...merely a result of my own guilty conscience...I..." His voice trailed off as he sighed yet again.

"Will you stop apologizing?" Sydney told him suddenly, causing him to look up in surprise. "Viktor's right, you know."

"I'm sorr..."

Realizing what he was saying, Hardin trailed off and his face cracked in a smile. Sydney opened his eyes again, and laughed softly.

The tension having been relieved, Hardin continued honestly. "I was hurt to think that I meant so little to you."

Sydney reached out a hand, laying it upon Hardin's waist. "...You realize that that night with Sylvia... that was the only time she and I were ever together."

Hardin looked slightly surprised. "Really...? Sydney....why..." Hardin took a shaky breath. "Am I not enough?"

"If you were not enough," Sydney pointed out, "wouldn't I have been with her or others many times before?"

"I had begun to think you had been, and merely kept it from me..."

Sydney smiled and shook his head slightly. "No... I was simply trying to prove something to myself."

"Is that so?" Hardin mused. "What, if I may ask?" Cautiously, he did not reveal how much he overheard during his scrying the previous day.

"...I'm not sure exactly," Sydney admitted. "That I could do as I pleased, I suppose."

"And did you succeed in proving whatever you wanted to prove...?"

Sydney laughed again. "No... certainly not."

Hardin moved his hand from Sydney's hair to trace a finger along the line of his jaw. "I do not wish to hold you back from anything, Sydney..." he said earnestly.

Sydney suddenly frowned, looking away. "And why not?"

"Because more than anything, I wish for you to be happy...at peace...fulfilled. And if it is not I who can do that for you, then I would rather have you find who or what does than simply stay with me for my sake and be unhappy."

Sydney paused, then sighed. "...I will not lie... it was... fun."

Hardin shook his head in mild amusement. "I am sorry if I am too mundane for your tastes..."

Sydney didn't seem to even hear him. "But even so..."

"Even so....?" Hardin prompted him, when he hesitated.

"Fun though it might have been," Sydney murmured, "it was an ultimately hollow experience."

"I would expect that kind of tryst to be empty..." Hardin agreed.

"She and I have no love for each other," Sydney continued. "If anything, there was enmity."

Hardin shook his head. "Odd, indeed, that you would choose an enemy to..."

"In fact," Sydney went on to say, "it was a mockery more than anything else."

Hardin laughed softly. "A mockery?"

"I hurt her..." Sydney murmured, "she hurt me. And I believe both of us were hurt more than we believed ourselves to be..."

Raising an eyebrow, Hardin stopped the motion of his hand. "How so...? She does seem to have something lurking in her past."

"It was like..." Sydney paused, trying to think of an appropriate metaphor. "...It was like drinking poisoned wine."

"Pleasurable for the moment, self-defeating in the end."

"Indeed." Sydney sighed again, closing his eyes.

Hardin reached his other hand up to holds Sydney's face between them, his thumbs gently stroking his cheeks. "I do not like to see you hurt... and I would much rather you talk to me than subject yourself to something like this again... Do you not trust me?"

"I trust you, John." Sydney smiled slightly, his eyes still closed. "Even if you were to do something foolish, your guilt would overwhelm you."

Hardin laughed softly, withdrawing his hands and rolling onto his back. "That is entirely too true...do you not trust yourself then?"

Sydney lost the smile somewhat at the feel of Hardin's hands leaving his skin. "I'm not sure."

"If you did not prove your point to yourself," Hardin sighed, "then what did you learn from this? I know that in my events, I learned that I am too easily swayed and manipulated... and far too eager to take everyone's blame upon myself. It does not mean I can stop doing this, but at least I can acknowledge that I do it..."

Sydney remained silent for a moment before answering. "I learned that I'm..." Again, he stopped to think about his response. "It pains me to say it, but I've been lying to myself," he admitted, edging a bit closer to Hardin on the bed, lying his head beside Hardin's shoulder.

Hardin turned back to face him and raised an eyebrow, saying nothing as he reached a hand back to Sydney's hair, rolling several strands between his fingers. Still looking somewhat pained, Sydney looked up at him. "John, please... you know I've never been good at admitting these things..."

Hardin nodded thoughtfully. "I know..." Gazing at Sydney, he said nothing else, his thoughts running in circles. ...He will only speak his heart when drunk, apparently... Hardin smiled to himself and nodded again. "I know...and I understand..."

Sydney draped an arm over Hardin's chest, leaning over to kiss him gently. "Am I to be content with a kiss as an answer?" Hardin murmured, letting his arm drift down to pull Sydney's body closer to his own as he kissed him back softly.

Sydney closed his own arm around Hardin's back. "Will you be?"

Hardin sighed softly and planted a feathery light kiss on Sydney's neck, wrapping his other arm around the mage. "If you need me to be..."

"...For now, I think so."

Hardin sighed at the response - it had been more or less what he'd expected. "...and, as always, I understand..." he muttered. "...and you will not allow me to say it either..."

Sydney met Hardin's lips again, this time more deeply before pulling back. "I... think that perhaps it would be all right..." he said hesitantly, "if you still wish to say it after all this."

Hardin paused for a moment, then pulled Sydney tightly against him, burying his face in the soft blond hair before whispering into his ear. "I think you know that little could truly change how I feel for you Sydney. I..." Hardin took a deep breath, squeezing him again. "I do not want to say this in a fit of anger, or in exasperation with you...but simply in the simple way I realized it late the other night......I love you."

Sydney said nothing, and Hardin sighed a long breath into his ear, still clutching at him tightly. "I won't say it again if it bothers you...but just this once..." he said softly, "I needed to say it when you were really listening to me."

Sydney held Hardin closely as well, eyes squeezed shut. "I love you too, John."

Hardin froze, his sharp intake of breath entirely noticeable, and took Sydney's face in his hands again, staring at him in obvious surprise. "Sydney...I..."

Sydney looked just as startled as he opened his eyes, which were wet with tears. "I ... did say it, didn't I?"

Hardin found himself at a loss for words, and upon seeing Sydney's tears, strangely enough felt his own eyes begin to sting. "I...you...y...yes, you did..." Swallowing the lump in his throat, in a voice barely audible, Hardin mumbled "...thank you..."

Shakily, Sydney gave a desperate laugh. "...Oh gods, John... don't cry. I've only seen tears from you once in your life..."

"I....I am sorry..." Hardin mumbled helplessly.

Unable to face him, Sydney buried his face in Hardin's shoulder. "No, no... I'm sorry. I should have just said so sooner... shouldn't have let this go so far..."

Hardin hugged Sydney tightly. "You can not force yourself to do something you are not ready to do. I don't blame you, Sydney..." Hardin tilted Sydney's face towards his and kissed him gently. "And I did not need your words to know your heart...though I admit that it is nice to finally hear them..." He smiled slightly, almost playfully, as he gazed at Sydney.

"But just look at what I caused..." Sydney protested, pressing his face against Hardin's shirt once more.

"What we both caused. I told you that I have learned that I cannot let myself be so easily swayed. Perhaps if I had been more resistant, more demanding, as odd as that sounds..." Hardin shook his head. "How much does it matter if it is behind us now?"

Sydney laughed quietly despite the tears. "John, this is my fault... for once, just let it be my fault."

"Why, Sydney?"

Giving up on his stubborn friend, Sydney just kissed Hardin again, the claws of his right hand trailing down Hardin's back.

Hardin returned the kiss with hunger, having missed their embraces terribly, his hands tangling in Sydney's hair, shuddering under his touch, and Sydney responded in the same fashion, parting his lips to taste Hardin's mouth, pulling his body closer underneath the sheets. Sighing longingly, Hardin let his tongue explore Sydney's mouth as his hands left the mage's hair to travel down his back, running his fingers up and down Sydney's spine. Sydney groaned slightly, pulling away from the kiss. Looking at Hardin almost dizzily, he opened his mouth to say something... then simply gave up and returned to the rather energetic kiss.

Hardin pulled Sydney on top of him, kissing him again and again, like a man starved, one hand returning to run through Sydney's hair as the other ran down his back to grab at his ass. "Sydney..." he mumbled.

Beginning to look a little bit more like his usual self, Sydney grinned down at Hardin, straddling his hips. "Yes...?"

Hardin smiled slightly, gazing up at Sydney "I..."

Sydney leaned down, the tip of his nose touching Hardin's. "...You...?"

Closing his eyes, Hardin felt his heart pounding "...want you, Sydney..." he murmured. "It feels like it's been an eternity." Hardin smiled slightly, glad to see him back to his playful self.

Sydney placed one claw upon Hardin's lips, toying with him a bit. "It does, at that..."

Hardin groaned slightly, his hands pressed tight against Sydney's back. "Please..."

Seeing Hardin's reaction to the touch of his claws, Sydney thought for a moment. "I thought perhaps you'd prefer something more normal for once," he murmured, suddenly more serious. Hardin raised an eyebrow and watched Sydney carefully, saying nothing as he waited for an explanation. "...I've hurt you enough as it is, John," Sydney told him.

"I don't mind..."

Sydney looked him over with a critical eye. "But do you prefer it?"

"...what else do I know?" Hardin asked helplessly.

Sydney got a bit of the grin back. "...I'm not sure. What else do you know? You had something akin to an ordinary life once..."

"It was so long ago that I remember little, and wouldn't care to even if I did," Hardin told him honestly. "And I would certainly trade the ordinary...and the extraordinary...for you." With a playful grin, Hardin traced fingers up and down Sydney's back as he spoke.

Sydney smiled again. "In that case..." He took one of Hardin's hands between his own, kissing the palm lightly before running a single claw up the forearm. Hardin shivered slightly, letting his eyes flutter closed. He knew it was all too short a time ago when he feared that there would be no more moments like this.

Looking down to study Hardin for a moment, Sydney then drew the same claw down the fabric of the thin shirt Hardin wore to bed, baring him to the waist. Hardin chuckled softly, his own hands already reaching towards Sydney's nighttime garments. "I find that I am even more anxious..." he whispered, "to have you...than I usually am."

Sydney gave him a coy smile. "Well, you'll have to wait just a little while... This could be fun."

Leaning forward again, he kissed Hardin lightly on the lips, then on down his chin and throat to his chest. Bladed fingers followed in the wake of his mouth, leaving twin scratches in the flesh, and Hardin groaned, throwing his head back, his hands still resting on Sydney's back. "Gods, Sydney...you know exactly how to drive me crazy..."

Sydney smirked. "Of course..." he murmured gently, sitting back further so that he could pull Hardin's loose pants past his hips. "I'm sure I know how to make you a bit crazier..."

Hardin gazed at Sydney, knowing he could watch his graceful movements for an eternity and still find him exquisite, and took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. "Is that so...?" he whispered hoarsely.

Sydney nodded, lowering his head to take Hardin into his mouth as his claws pressed into Hardin's hips fiercely.

Hardin groaned again, his eyes fluttering closed as his body jerked under Sydney's ministrations, and he mumbled things in a language long forgotten by most. Sydney understood the words and smiled, though he scarcely paused in the careful work of his lips and his tongue... and the barest edges of his teeth.

"Sydney...please..." Hardin breathed again, his hands reaching blindly to tangle in the mage's hair, his hips rising incontrollably in response to this pleasurable torture.

Sydney paused. "Please...? Please what, John?"

"Please...I..." Hardin mumbled, opening his eyes, his breathing labored. He reached a hand to caress Sydney's face. "Please I...I need you..."

"Hmm..." Sydney murmured, lowering his head again. "And I was thinking that perhaps you might take me for a change..." Continuing with what he was doing, this time Sydney took Hardin deeper into his mouth, scraping lightly with the edge of his teeth.

Hardin let his eyes go wide. "You would really..." Sydney nodded lightly, looking up through the wayward strands of hair hanging across his face.

Unable to stand the torture any more, Hardin flipped Sydney off of him, rolling them over, beginning to kiss him fiercely again... "Sydney...I..." He suddenly laid gentle kisses across his face... eyelids, cheeks, nose, chin, lips, neck...

Sydney closed his eyes, leaning his head back to accept the kisses as Hardin settled between his legs. "Mmm... John..."

Hardin wasted no time in sliding Sydney's pants from his hips, trailing a line of kisses down his chest, punctuated with an almost uncharacteristic nip at his nipples. "Sydney... Sydney..." he mumbled softly, over and over and over. "Tell me you want this..."

"Oh, it is... this is..." Sydney gasped breathlessly. "John... this is what I need now... please..."

Hardin reaches into their nightstand, blindly searching for a bottle with one hand, the other reaching to fondle him not quite so gently. "You'll let me..." he mumbled in continued disbelief, the hunger in his eyes evident. He let one hand slide away from caressing him to rest at his opening, an unspoken question in his eyes.

"Yes, yes..." Sydney breathed, panting a little already from the anticipation. "Oh gods, John, your hands..."

Hardin slid a finger in, soon two, teasing the mage playfully and bending over him to kiss his parted lips. "Sydney...Gods, Sydney..." he breathed into the mage's ear. "You're so beautiful..."

Sydney moaned, his body lifting beneath Hardin's touch. His hands reached up to Hardin's sides as he tried to steady himself, bladed fingers digging in ever so slightly. Hardin moaned as well, withdrawing his hands and staring at Sydney with a pointed gaze. I wonder if he still finds me boring? he thought, watching the expression on his lover's face. So rarely does he surrender that control...and I... Hardin gazed at Sydney, never before wanting him the way he wanted him now.

Sydney read the thought easily, of course. "You, boring?" he managed between gasping breaths. "When you can make my head spin the way it's spinning now? I've never found you boring, John, and certainly not at this moment."

Hardin ran his hands over Sydney's body, aligning their hips, and without another word, without a silent request for permisson at all, thrust himself into the smaller man, groaning slightly at their contact. He bent over Sydney, gathering him into his arms as he moved, murmuring again in that old language, the words he'd wanted to say for so long. "Sydney... Sydney... I love you..."

Sydney made a noise that was almost a whimper as he wrapped his legs around Hardin's body. Hearing Hardin's unconscious lapse into Kildean, he smiled blissfully and responded in the same. "And I you... for longer than either of us could recall..."

Hardin held Sydney tightly against him as they moved together, wanting simply to stay in this moment for as long as possible, his heart pounding, the very depths of his soul feeling like they were on fire... "So long...again and again the Gods have brought us together, have they not..." he murmured in Sydney's ear, breathing in the sense of his beloved.

Sydney could only moan in response for a moment, his body far beyond his control. "Yes... oh yes... oh, John...!"

Hardin thrust himself into Sydney again and again, his strong arms keeping them tightly together, murmuring his name between gasps of his own, feeling the tension and fire within build until he could barely take it anymore... "Sydney..." he breathed again, shaking slightly.

Sydney gasped for breath, his back arching as he gripped the sheets beneath him, trying to ground himself. "John... oh, John..."

Hardin did not let up their rhythm, beginning to lose all of his own control as well, and as he felt himself reach the edge, leaned to kiss Sydney again, with nothing but passion in his embrace.

Sydney took a deep breath, holding onto it as his body jerked in Hardin's arms. Pressing up against Hardin's torso, his release came with a quiet cry which was almost swallowed up in Hardin's kiss. Hardin managed barely to hold on that he might join Sydney, and continued to kiss him even as their bodies shook in each other's arms, words no longer needed between them. Sydney kissed back helplessly, lost in pleasure as he fell back against the bed, his arms rising to surround Hardin again.

Hardin hugged Sydney close to him, rolling them onto their sides, breaking the kiss to gaze at him quietly, taking a long and deep breath. Sydney opened his eyes just a little ways, regarding Hardin dreamily. "John...thank you."

Hardin smiled warmly. "...and thank you as well... I think we both needed this..."

Sydney colored faintly. "I agree."

"...The sun is just beginning to rise," Hardin noted softly. "Perhaps we can greet the day simply by staying right here in each other's arms..."

They were silent for a moment before Sydney continued. "This... this was much more pleasant then the last time I..." Sydney sighed softly. "I was a fool."

Hardin shook his head. "We are all fools from time to time," he told Sydney. "What is important...is learning to admit it and move past it..."

"Hmmph." Sydney looked up at him with mock irritation. "And here I thought I was supposed to be your spiritual advisor."

Hardin laughed softly. "We both give to each other...do we not?"

"Well, yes... when I let you." Sydney gave Hardin a warmer smile than his usual.

Again, Hardin laughed softly, before sobering again. "...Are you happy, Sydney?"

Sydney considered for a moment. "Yes, definitely."

Hardin kissed him lightly again. "As am I..." he whispered. "Promise me you'll hold onto this moment, Sydney... no matter what happens..."

"I couldn't help but hold onto it." Sydney lowered his eyes, a little self-conscious. "It feels as if... this was the first time... for real."

Closing his eyes, Hardin took a deep breath "I....yes....I understand...." Hardin tilted Sydney's face back to his. "And it was the most amazing thing in my life thus far....have I said too much?"

Sydney placed a soft kiss upon Hardin's lips. "No. ...But you do realize this moment will have to pass..." he pointed out.

Hardin nodded. "But instead of the fear of it being a last, with the knowledge that there will be others...shall we check on the others? Or trust that all is right and go back to sleep...?"

"You're overanalyzing, John... I know all is right," Sydney told him with a wry smile. "Our Lady visited me, you know..."

Hardin blinked. "She did?"

"She told me not to worry," said Sydney, "that what happened was not my trouble to be concerned with... all would be put right. She told me to instead tend to my emotions... I knew everything would be fine - she has never lied to me."

Hardin smiled. "I am glad she came to you and eased your mind..."

"Yes... and what I meant was this..." Sydney gave Hardin a playful smile. "I feel I might actually eat breakfast this morning, so we'll have to get out of bed."

Hardin laughed. "I honestly think I could care less what we do today."

Rolling on top of Hardin lazily, Sydney chuckled. "I think we've earned a day off."

Hardin nodded. "Indeed."