Sydney frowned at the monitor irritably, resting his chin in one hand while the other clicked about the web page he was viewing. He'd already seen the latest updates on any of the personal sites he visited, no one was posting on the message boards he lurked at, and even the large public and news sites didn't have anything that interested him at the moment. This was not good, for he was in desperate need of distraction.

He did not look or feel much like his usual self this afternoon. Too tired and ill from last night's drinking to care what he looked like, when he'd gotten out of his wet clothes that morning, he'd simply grabbed a flannel shirt of Hardin's from the laundry room. Even now he still felt too nauseous to go to sleep, and his head ached. It had never been so bad when Hardin was there to take care of him and keep him company, but now...

He couldn't believe Hardin still hadn't given in. It was absurd to think that he'd gone this long without being overwhelmed by the guilt that usually plagued him even when he'd done nothing at all to deserve it. Any moment now, he'd come back to fall on his knees, begging forgiveness as he'd done less than a week before. Sydney knew it. And even if he did not, Sydney was by no means going to apologize - not after the way Hardin had shut him out. Especially not after he'd actually swallowed his pride and said what he had.

Bah, it was just another way to pull his strings, Sydney told himself. And even if I did mean it, it was meant for a man who would not treat me in such a way. I'm not so sentimental as Andrea seems to think... or as naive as the dragoon.

Everyone else was forced to remain indoors due to the terrible weather, which hadn't let up for a second since early in the morning. James and Laguna had been on the Dance Dance Revolution machine in the living room since before noon, and the noise had made Sydney's throbbing headache even more severe. Hardin was reading to Joshua in his room - again, foolish, for they both knew the boy could read quite well on his own - and Viktor had remained at the castle with Flik until the storm passed. The study had been a quiet place of refuge when Sydney escaped there, until Kain had decided to spend the afternoon there as well.

In the morning, you're gonna stare at her
And wonder why you feel the way you do now
But she will hold you, and reach out to touch you
And never never never hurt your heart...

The dragoon had put that album in the CD player as soon as he'd entered, thankfully keeping it at a fairly low volume which was far more tolerable to Sydney than the DDR machine. Even so, it was becoming irritating - for some reason, Kain was looping the same song over and over, and had been for a half hour. As for Kain himself, he had taken up his usual posture - arms crossed, head lowered, leaning against a wall in the darkest corner.

Finally, Sydney lost his patience and snapped at him. "Is there a reason you must play the same song over and over, or are you specifically trying to annoy me?"

Kain shrugged, not even looking up. "Sometimes a song is just too perfect for your situation."

"Then memorize it and move on."

"You misunderstand." Kain looked up then, meeting the mage's eyes. "When I said 'perfect for your situation', I meant your situation. And I don't believe you've actually listened to it yet."

Sydney sniffed. "And what would you know about my situation?"

"I know that you had exactly what I wanted, and you destroyed it. You might be able to save it yet, if you weren't so determined to be right rather than happy."

Sydney smirked. "What, you wanted John?" he asked lightly. "Well, you're welcome to him, but I never thought you were that sort."

"You know exactly what I mean," Kain stated, showing his disapproval with a frown. "Tell me - does this sound familiar to you?" Leaning over, he turned up the volume slightly.

When you're feeling the way you're feeling now
You hold the pillow and you think about her
And when you hold her, your cold stare melts
And your heart, it warms to her
Oh, this girl
She's got to you and you're afraid of it
She gives you everything, but
That's not what you wanna do...

The lyrics were in fact rather disturbing, and Sydney's eyes narrowed as he fixed Kain with a vicious glare. "So you want to meddle in other people's affairs, do you? You want to save me from making a terrible mistake?"

"Hmph." Kain chuckled silently, lowering his eyes to the floor again as he lowered the volume to what it had been before. "I'm not so noble as that. Mostly I wanted to rub your nose in the fact that you're a hypocrite. Despite how many times you've scoffed at me for believing in love, for being so attached to Rosa - dependant was the word you used, I believe - deep down you crave affection from a single person just as I do, though you're too stubborn to admit this 'dependancy'."

Sydney paused a moment, then gave him a bitter laugh. "For a sentimental fool, you're admirably blunt. And brave as well - I could easily rip you apart for insulting me in such a way."

Kain met his eyes again without flinching. "I fought the very essence of hatred and violence, who could control the powers of the universe, and defeated it. If I could face that entity without fear, I can certainly face a mage whose power is only matched by his pride."

"You seem to forget that in that battle, you had friends on your side."

"Yes. Think about that for awhile, won't you?"

The easy response gave Sydney pause. Try as he might, he could not find a way to turn that comment back in Kain's face that would not sound childish.

Seeing Sydney momentarily silenced, Kain went on. "Why did you do what you did, Sydney? Was it to try to recreate Viktor and Flik's situation, when you saw how Viktor's mistake brought them closer in the end? It will never work with you and Hardin; unlike Viktor, you're not willing to humble yourself and admit you did something foolish, not even to a person who would probably forgive you killing his own mother if you gave him a simple apology."

"You have no business saying such things," Sydney told the dragoon, fixing him with a withering stare. Sydney was in no mood to hear lectures now - particularly when they were partially true.

"No, I suppose I don't," Kain agreed with a pleased smirk. "But as I mentioned earlier, I'm vindictive."

"Get out."

"I will in a moment. But one more thing, Sydney, before I do." He stepped away from the wall, turning off the CD player with a click as his expression grew serious again. "I don't say these things just because I enjoy seeing you proved wrong. I'm also telling you this because you had something that most people would kill to have - I literally did, and I still didn't get it. And you can't even see how fortunate you are to have someone so devoted, especially someone you can cherish equally. Don't be an idiot and throw it away just to prove how strong and independant you are... it takes more strength to face the things you see as weaknesses and come to terms with them than it does to run away from them."

"Get out," Sydney repeated. Finally Kain obliged, giving him a slight smile on his way - he knew he'd gotten under Sydney's skin, and that was precisely what he had intended to do.

Once the door had closed behind the dragoon, Sydney's head sank into his hands. He didn't want to think about this at the moment - he was too frustrated, his head hurt, and this conversation had upset his already queasy stomach even more. After a moment, he rose from his seat - he needed some fresh air.

Thank goodness for the storm, he thought as he stepped outside the back door to lean against the wall, remaining beneath the overhang to stay out of the hardest of the rain. No one would come bother coming outside to bother him, the air was cool - if perhaps a little too cold, but Hardin's shirt kept him warm - and there was no bright sunlight to shine in his eyes.

Even so, he frowned up at the sky suspiciously. He hadn't noticed in his misery earlier, but the tension between himself and Hardin was mirrored in the atmosphere as well. This storm was not natural, but he couldn't pinpoint exactly what it might be, either.

I have enough problems right now, he thought to himself with annoyance. Let someone else take care of it for a change... I don't care.