Although it wasn't a long walk from the castle back to the small wooden house Hardin called home, he still spent the night out in the open. Upon his arrival, he looked up at the door with a feeling of dread, and decided to take a moment to sit down on the steps and collect his thoughts before facing his punishment.

Viktor's attempts at reassuring him hadn't done much good, for he knew that Sydney rarely let anyone see him truly angry, even when he was on the verge of destroying something. If Viktor had heard him breaking things in their room, that meant far more than a facial expression could ever have meant from someone so carefully controlled as Sydney. The fact that Hardin had actually seen him angry was in a way a show of how close they really were.

Viktor was right, he admitted to himself. We've been through so much, Sydney and I, and no - I don't want to end it. Not if I haven't already. It must be his decision.

Regardless, the thought of hearing that decision pained him, and so he leaned back against the side of the house, trying to relax. He'd been so on edge the last two days, and even Selphie and Milo and their friendliness hadn't been enough to let him sleep. On the contrary, despite the fact that everyone had cheerfully wished him well when he'd left, he had a feeling he'd put them all on edge as well, and he regretted that too. Sometimes he thought that he must be cursed. Everywhere he went, everyone he met, there seemed to be trouble following quickly after. In fact, the whole thing might have blown over, and Flik and Viktor wouldn't have had any problems - well, not any new ones - if he hadn't gone completely missing for nearly an entire day, leaving Sydney trying to find him.

These were not relaxing thoughts, but he yawned regardless as he closed his eyes wearily. So much walking before he'd arrived at the castle, and he hadn't been able to sleep since. It probably shouldn't have surprised him that he fell asleep still sitting there on the steps.

The sound of the door opening behind him roused him from his uncomfortable sleep with a start, and he sat up from his slouching against the wall, blinking at the sudden light of the day, just barely begun. "Hey!" a voice said brightly, and he looked up to see Laguna smiling down at him in pleased surprise. "Great, you're back! Everyone was wondering where you got off to, when even Sydney didn't know... Man, I bet he'll be glad to hear you got back here okay."

Still half-asleep and groggy, Hardin rubbed a hand over his eyes. Of course... Sydney. This was not the way he wanted to start the day.

Unfortunately, Laguna had already turned to yell over his shoulder into the house. "Hey, everybody! Check it out - Hardin's back!"

Hardin sighed; it was perhaps seven in the morning at the latest. On a Sunday. Even if others were awake, Laguna definitely had woken up Joshua. Not that the boy was ever cranky from lack of sleep, strangely enough, but it still bothered him.

Leaning down, Laguna picked up the newspaper from the top step and then offered his free hand to help Hardin up. "C'mon in - man, you look messed up. Where were you, anyway?"

"...It's not really important. I was just walking, and I came across some friendly people." He probably did look terrible, Hardin agreed - the castle's occupants had been kind enough to dry out his clothes for him after they found him out in the rain, but they were still wrinkled from three days of wear and a night sleeping on the front steps in them. He hadn't been able to shave, either, and running a hand over his jaw, he could tell that his usually neatly-trimmed beard was indeed rather rough. He was going to look like hell in front of Sydney. Not that Sydney hadn't seen him even worse off, but even so... Regardless, he accepted Laguna's outstretched hand and stood, stretching stiff muscles before following him inside.

Laguna's declaration hadn't woken everyone up, apparently - James was sprawled on his back on the sofa in front of the TV, snoring loudly, with what he thought at first was one of the particularly odd bunnies lying across his lap. But no, this creature was much larger and appeared to be canine, if completely unnatural. Hardin had seen odder things, and decided it wasn't important.

Kain, on the other hand, was always an early riser anyhow, and he glanced out from the kitchen just long enough to give Hardin a knowing look. Always anti-social and generally aloof, Kain almost looked sympathetic, though grimly so, and Hardin gave him an answering nod.

He was distracted then by the small figure who appeared at the end of the hallway in his pajamas, face lit up. Hardin couldn't suppress a smile upon sight of the boy, though a feeling of guilt settled upon him as well, for he hadn't even thought about how Joshua would have taken his leaving. All was forgiven, though, for Joshua came barrelling out to throw his arms around Hardin's legs instantly, smiling up at him joyfully. "Did I worry you?" Hardin asked him, kneeling down to face the boy on his own level. Joshua nodded seriously. "I'm sorry," Hardin murmured. "I didn't intend to leave you as I did - I just needed some time alone to think. Do you forgive me?" Joshua nodded emphatically again as he wrapped his arms around Hardin's neck, and Hardin hugged him back.

Still feeling mildly bad, Hardin suddenly recalled what Selphie had given him just before he left the castle - "in case you get hungry on your way home," she'd said, but he hadn't been in much of a mood to eat. Pulling the small bag from his shirt pocket, he handed it to Joshua, who opened it with glee. "Yes, go on," Hardin told him, when Joshua looked at him questioningly. "They're quite good." Though normally he wouldn't have advocated giving Joshua cookies before breakfast, it was all right just this once, he supposed. "You know I was given some cookies just like this by a girl and a talking cat who live in a castle?" Joshua peered at him with childish skepticism. "Yes, and a talking turtle lives there as well." Joshua shook his head slowly, smiling cautiously as if he was fairly sure it was a joke, but Hardin nodded. "Really. Perhaps you'll meet them someday."

No one else seemed to have been awakened, or else they had simply ignored Laguna's outburst and tried to go back to sleep. In particular, the door to the room he and Sydney shared remained closed, and Hardin wasn't sure if he was relieved about that or troubled. Either way, it was time to face up to what had happened, no matter what the result, and he reluctantly stood, patting Joshua on the head as he left him to the bag of cookies. A simple prayer, only five words, repeated itself over and over in his mind as he approached the closed door. Dear goddess Kadesh... help me.

Upon opening the bedroom door, he found the place a shambles. Just as Viktor had said, Sydney had definitely been on a rampage, and unlike most of the other times, had not bothered to straighten the place up afterwards.

In the midst of the mess, clothes and bedding and bits of splintered or bent furniture strewn haphazardly around the room, Sydney sat in perfect tranquility on the end of the bed, hands folded in his lap as he faced Hardin without expression.

"So you've come back."

There was no warmth, nor was there judgment in his words; it was a simple statement of fact. Hardin nodded. "I... I have, yes."

Sydney said nothing more, simply looking at Hardin without a hint of what he might be thinking or feeling, and Hardin swallowed, his mouth going dry under the gaze of the mage's intense eyes. "I was told that you... that you already know everything. Is that so?"

"It is."

There was still no clue as to Sydney's state of mind, and Hardin was growing more and more nervous. He had seen this coldness in Sydney so many time before, but he'd thought they were past this... "You can read my heart," he said earnestly. "So you know everything I could say to you. You already know how much I regret what I did... how I loathe myself for it... how incredibly sorry I am, more than words can say."

Sydney remained silent and still, little more than a statue before him, and Hardin's heart sank as he knelt down before him, helpless. "I'm so, so sorry, Sydney," he pleaded, looking up at his unreadable face, "more than words can say. I would beg forgiveness, but I know that I deserve whatever you think appropriate. Anything at all... just please, Sydney - speak to me. Tell me what I can do, what I should do..."

After agonizing moments, Sydney's lips parted in a faint smile, and he lowered his head to look at Hardin with vague, thoughtful interest. "Kneeling before me, Hardin? I've always liked it when you are on your knees..."

Hardin nearly jumped - of anything he'd expected Sydney to say, he hadn't expected a comment like that, and he had no idea how to react. "I-is that how I should make it up to you, then...?" he stammered. It would be getting off far easier than he expected, that was for certain.

"No." Sydney rose then, placing a hand upon Hardin's head in either a gesture of great affection, or a mockery thereof; Hardin couldn't be sure. "It's obvious that you know your sin..." The claws contracted slightly, just beginning to dig into Hardin's scalp, and he froze. "...I believe there is no need to worry about it happening again." The claws dug just a bit deeper. "Is there?" Sydney asked him sweetly.

Hardin started to shake his head, then thought better of it. "No... never," he whispered.

"Hmm..." Sydney's hum was thoughtful, then he released Hardin from his dangerous grip. "Then that gives me time to consider what a fitting recompense would be, doesn't it? I believe I'll think upon it... and for now, let us not discuss the matter."

Again, Hardin wasn't sure whether to be relieved or all the more worried - it seemed that he was getting off easily at first glance, but the idea of Sydney actually thinking about it for some time... he knew very well that Sydney's plans got ever more devious the more he thought about them. It was Sydney's decision, though, and so he nodded in agreement. "Thank you, Sydney."

"Don't thank me yet."

The devious smile Sydney shot him was enough to make his blood run cold. "...Yes, of course," he mumbled.

"Now then, why not go clean yourself up, John? You look as if you slept upon the front steps last night."

Hardin looked up at him in surprise, halfway risen to his feet, and saw the mischievous glint in Sydney's eye, telling him that the comment hadn't been coincidence at all. "Yes, I'll do that," he agreed sheepishly. Some things evidently were going to remain exactly the same. It was comforting, come to think of it, and he smiled a little. "Sydney...?"

"Yes?"

He hesitated. "You still won't let me say it even now, even to reassure you, will you."

The mischief in Sydney's eyes vanished, and after a moment, he shook his head slightly. "John... I need no reassurance."

Hardin stared at Sydney in astonishment for a moment, before he realized he was staring and turned away. Sydney had never so much as acknowledged his feelings before... He would not appreciate being reminded of that, however, and so Hardin said nothing, going instead to collect some clean clothes from the closet.

After Hardin had headed off to the bathroom to shower, Sydney remained in their room, thinking about his decision. In truth, he couldn't very well punish John for the fault of being slightly drunk and curious, and anything he could do would be less painful than the guilt he'd already inflicted upon himself anyhow. Not to mention that he may have had something to do with John's misconduct himself, in a sense - he'd pushed John, demanding obedience to his whims to the point where John could not help but respond to his seduction. Why would he not be vulnerable to the seduction of someone else? Viktor was the one who he could be angry with in good conscience, but that was not his business; he'd agreed to let Flik deal with his impulsive friend. And Flik could be rather imaginative when he wanted to be, Sydney knew.

And to be perfectly honest, what John had done with Viktor hadn't been what made him so furious to begin with. What bothered him more than anything was the way John had taken off without so much as a word, not telling anyone where he had gone, or why. It had shaken Sydney, and shaken him badly. He'd never truly realized before just how much he depended on John to be with him always... how much he needed him. The simple fact that John wasn't there was enough to inspire rage; the additional fact that it made Sydney realize that he was not so independant as he thought brought out nothing short of bitter wrath.

Perhaps he never would think of a suitable punishment for John, Sydney thought with a secretive smile. Perhaps he would simply "forget" that he meant to punish him at all. But until that happened, he could let John worry - that would be punishment in itself.