Ellcrys and Ben Mo followed Tsunami-X's mad dash down the twisting caverns. "Are you sure you know where you're going?" Ellcrys shouted after him.

The oddly dressed figure didn't respond. Ben and Ellcrys exchanged glances. "He has the Game Shark," Ben pointed out. Ellcrys shrugged, and they continued to follow the blur of bright, gaudy clothing ahead of them.

They'd been following Tsunami-X for nearly an hour now as he led them into a cave which seemed to lead deeper and deeper into the evil-looking mountain that he claimed was the only proper place to use the Game Shark of Ben Lansing. Ellcrys and Ben Mo, being unfamiliar with the artifact, had decided to trust him, but now they were beginning to reconsider, especially when Tsunami skidded to a halt so suddenly that they crashed into him from behind. "Are we there yet?" asked Ben.

Tsunami stared at him blankly. "Where?"

"Wherever it is we can use this Game Shark."

"The Game Shark can be used anywhere," Tsunami said. "What are you talking about?"

Ellcrys glared at him. "You said we had to use it in this mountain, and you were going to take us to the right place!"

"I did?" Tsunami scratched his head. "Why would I say that?"

"Hey, you tell me!" Ellcrys' retorted. "What is this place?"

"Well... I'm not sure, but I think it might be... Rreima's underground fortress," Tsunami said miserably.

"WHAT?!" Ben and Ellcrys exclaimed.

"I've seen this place in my dreams," Tsunami said, beginning to sob. "Rreima appears and makes me all these promises... He must have some kind of hold on me. But why? Why did he make me come here now?"

Ellcrys shivered. "He wants the Game Shark for his own purposes!" she growled. "But we're not going to let him..." Her voice trailed off as she saw a sign ahead light up the gloom of the caverns with a green glow.

YOU HAVE BEEN DIVERTED

The sign flickered off, and then they all jumped as it flickered on again.

...,

"Oh brother," Ellcrys muttered under her breath as the sign went off again, then on again.

ELLCRYS, BEN MO, AND TSUNAMI-X.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tsunami asked nervously, as the sign went dark once more.

Ellcrys was not impressed. "Welcome, I don't think," she said flatly, and the sign blinked on.

WELCOME, I DON'T THINK.

"Yeah, yeah - I've read Douglas Adams too," Ellcrys said loudly. "Nice try, Rreima, but it won't scare us."

"CURSES!" The thundering voice of Rreima echoed deafeningly in the cavern. "I THOUGHT IT WAS QUITE INTIMIDATING!"

DO NOT BE ALARMED., the sign read.

"Will you turn that off?" Ben Mo complained. "It worse than blinking Pikachu. I go have seizure now."

"THANK YOU, TSUNAMI-X, FOR FINDING ME THE GAME SHARK," Rreima's voice boomed. "NOW... BRING IT TO ME, AND I SHALL REWARD YOU.."

Ellcrys and Ben Mo turned to see Tsunami clutching the Game Shark closer to him. "Reward me... how?" he asked weakly.

"WITH THE GAME SHARK, I CAN GIVE YOU BOTH AERIS AND SEPHIROTH."

Tsunami's eyes bulged. "Both?!"

Ben and Ellcrys each grabbed one of his arms. "No! Fight it!" Ellcrys urged him.

"We to need bring back Lord J," Ben Mo added. "Who this Sephiroth and Aeris?"

Tsunami was lost in a world of his own. "Aeris... Sephiroth... Aeris!" he whispered in awe.

"YES - THEY CAN BOTH BE YOURS IF YOU PLEDGE YOUR SOUL TO ME, TSUNAMI-X."

"No way! J. Parrish is the one we need to bring back," Ellcrys reminded Tsunami, pulling at his arm. "Let's get out of here - whoever Sephiroth and Aeris are, they don't matter!"

"Don't matter?" Tsunami stared at her angrily. "Don't matter?! You're... you're all trying to use me! Get away!" With a sudden burst of energy, he broke free of Ellcrys and Ben Mo, and took off running back the way they came.

"CRAP." Rreima's thundering voice sounded less than pleased.

"Bloody hell," said Ben Mo. "We have to follow him, he has the Game Shark."

"NOT SO FAST!" Rreima's exclamation shook the walls of the cavern until dust rained down from the ceiling. "MY LAMERS WILL DESTROY YOU NOW, AND LATER I WILL FOLLOW TSUNAMI-X AND GET THE GAME SHARK OF BEN LANSING FOR MYSELF. KYAHAHAHAA!"

"Hmm. J's right, he dose sound like Scarlet," Ben observed.

"Ben! Look out!" Ellcrys gasped as Rreima's henchmen appeared behind them, blocking off the way Tsunami had gone. "It's Chris Polvi and Beaux again, and ... who's that behind them?"

The hulking, round figure slowly moved into the faint circle of light in the chamber, until they could make out it's crude features quite clearly. "Oh my god! You killed cory!" it exclaimed. "You b-"

Ben Mo's mop caught it in the disproportionately large mouth, cutting off the last word of its overused catchphrase. "This adventure it rated G," he admonished it. "It take a Cosmic Custodian like me to clean you language up. You want me wash your mouth out?"

"Of course! The South Park Guy!" Ellcrys realized as she helped him fight off the three lamers. "We could be in trouble, Ben - he was hard to get rid of!"

The battle raged for a few minutes before Ben Mo and Ellcrys realized they were becoming overwhelmed. "We need to get to Tsunami and that Game Shark, fast!" Ellcrys shouted above the din.

"You go ahead, I hold lamers off," Ben said. "I have plan..." Putting down his mop, he faced the lamers squarely. "If you have two apple and one orange, and Celes cast Demi on apple, how many piece of fruit you have?" The lamers quieted, and began scratching their heads, thinking.

"Of course! Brilliant idea," Ellcrys exclaimed. "A Mo-poll! No one who posts on the boards can resist a Mo-poll, not even a lamer! Make it a long one, Ben - I'm gonna catch us a Game Shark!"

"Yes. Now go fast," Ben urged her. "Get out of range or you have answer too."

Ellcrys winced. "Ben, you'd be incredible if only you could speak correctly."

"Grammar is for loser," Ben replied. "Now find Tsunami."

A few minutes later, Ellcrys was standing in front of the MAN2MAN club where they'd first spotted Tsunami-X. Of course he'd return to his old haunts, she reasoned as she opened the door.

Loud obnoxious disco music bombarded her as she entered. Seeing her quarry across the room, easily spotted in his garish outfit, she pushed through the crowd of men in tight shirts to the table where Tsunami sat.

"Mako, mako man," he sang along unsteadily, clutching a bottle. The Game Shark of Ben Lansing sat on the table in front of him. "I want to be *hic* a mako man..." Seeing her approach, he convulsively grabbed the Game Shark and held it close. "No! It's mine, I tell ya, mine!"

"I know that," Ellcrys said gently. "We just want to borrow it for a little while, just until we bring J. Parrish back."

"No, you just want Sephiroth for yourself!" Tsunami said, beginning to cry. "I don't believe you!"

Ellcrys looked at him curiously. "Sephiroth?"

"I'm not gay!" Tsunami sobbed. "It's just... oh, Aeris! I love you too!"

"Aeris?" Ellcrys repeated. "Who are you talking about?"

"Aah... the delicate grace of Aeris," Tsunami babbled, "and the bishounen beauty of Sephiroth. Truly, it is fitting that I must decide... but I cannot bear to part with either! I know! I would date with them both!"

(Author's note - I only WISH I'd come up with that line ^_^)

"Bishounen?" Ellcrys said incredulously. "This Sephiroth person is a man?"

"Yes... a handsome man, with long white hair," Tsunami sniffled.

Ellcrys froze. "A man... with long white hair?" Could it be...? "No," she said firmly. "My man with long white hair would never come into a place like this. Sheesh," she added, glancing around. "There's only one other female in here..."

"There is?" Tsunami looked up from his bottle, and gasped at the figure that stood at the other end of the bar. "I know her! What's she doing here?"

"It looks like she's checking out that Eddie guy who's talking to the man in the red cape," Ellcrys replied.

"No, you don't get it!" Tsunami protested. "That's B! She'd set her own mother's hair on fire for a nickel!"

"What? B here? Now?" Ellcrys had only heard stories about the enigmatic goddess whose temper was as fiery as her powers. As the supreme force of Chaos in the universe, B was one not to be trifled with. The dryad tried to get a better look, and quickly turned away. "Uh oh, I accidentally made eye contact."

"Oh no!" Tsunami whispered. "Bad move... now she's coming over here! I hope we don't get fried..."

"What are you staring at?" B said as she approached them. Then her eyes narrowed. "Aren't you Ellcrys, lackey of J. Parrish?"

"I'm in his service, yes," Ellcrys replied with a frown. "Or I would be... if he were still alive."

The fire goddess's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What? The Lord of Order has perished?"

"Yes... or even 'Parrished', if you prefer," Ellcrys said sadly, even though she couldn't resist making the obvious pun.

"Hmm..." B bowed her head in thought. "That's not good. As the supreme force of Chaos, I need something to rail against. And Parrish was always good to make fun of..."

"Ben Mo and I are trying to bring him back with the help of Ben Lansing's Game Shark," Ellcrys told her. "But Tsunami doesn't believe us..."

"Is that so...?" Tsunami stared at B with wide eyes, clutching the Game Shark closer as she held out her hand to him. "Tsunami, you know who I am, don't you?"

"Yes... you're the SGOFTWALAW," Tsunami answered, using the formal title of B's position.

"Would you do me a favor?" she asked, and he nodded. "Use the Game Shark to bring back Parrish as Ellcrys and Ben Mo ask. I know them, and they're sickeningly honest, fair, and all around nice people," she muttered. "Do you trust me, Tsunami?"

He nodded. "I'll do as you say, SGOFTWALAW."

"Very good," B said as she turned away. "Then I'll leave you to your task."

"Wait!" Ellcrys called after her. B paused to listen. "Maybe you could come with us? Ben Mo's trapped all by himself right now, down in Rreima's fortress, could you help us get him out safely?"

B chuckled and shook her head. "There's a lot of things about me you don't know anything about, Ellcrys. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand." She paused for effect. "Things... you shouldn't understand."

Tsunami scratched his head. "I don't understand."

"You don't want to get mixed up with a goddess like me," B continued. "I'm a loner, Tsunami - a rebel."

"Uh... okay," Ellcrys said as she watched B return to her seat to stare at Eddie and the man in the red cape. "No matter. Let's go save Ben, right Tsunami?"

"If Tifa to wear jeans, would they be button-fly?" Ben was asking when they found him again. The lamers were muttering to each other and shaking their heads.

"Quick, while they're distracted, let's hit them from behind," Ellcrys suggested. Tsunami nodded, and together they rushed the three lamers. When they tried to flee, Ben Mo stopped them with his mop, and soon the three lamers were no more.

"CURSES, YET AGAIN MY PLANS HAVE BEEN FOILED!" Rreima's voice bellowed. "I'LL GET YOU PATHETIC MINIONS OF PARRISH SOMEDAY!"

"Hey, that reminds me," said Ellcrys. "Why don't you just come and attack us right now, if you're such an ultimate power of evil and all?"

"BECAUSE, I'M... IN THE BATHROOM," Rreima's thundering voice mumbled. "GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES."

Ellcrys laughed. "So that's why your caverns smell so awful!"

"WHY, YOU IRRITATING LITTLE-" Rreima began, but suddenly there was a loud buzzing noise. Ellcrys, Ben, and Tsunami clapped their hands over their ears until it stopped a few seconds later. "CRAP." Rreima, Prince of Darkness, suddenly sounded much quieter and fuzzier.

"What that all about?" Ben asked.

"I BLEW OUT MY AMP THAT I WAS USING TO BELLOW MENACINGLY," Rreima's voice thundered faintly. "OH WELL. I DON'T NEED AN AMP TO SEND MY FINAL MINIONS AFTER YOU... ENJOY!"

"Hmm? What does he mean?" Ellcrys pondered aloud as the buzzing amp lapsed into silence. Suddenly she jumped, as a small, ghoulish figure tugged at her arm.

"Would you like to make thousands of dollars with no effort?" the figure asked her. "Follow the instructions carefully, and-"

"Nooooo!" Tsunami exclaimed. "Rreima's got control over the chain letter spammers! Don't listen to them, or they'll multiply!"

"To late," Ben said grimly. "There coming at from all side. Hey all - which Cid would most likly be vote into office?"

"For an investment of just one dollar and the price of a stamp," replied another spammer, "you too can make more money than you ever dreamed of!"

"Mo-polls won't work on them, Ben," said Tsunami. "Nothing we can do will stop them... this requires a higher power! We have to get out and use the Game Shark to ressurect J. Parrish!"

"But... we're trapped!" Ellcrys said, trying to beat the spammers away from her. "We can't use it here, can we?"

"No, we have to get to somewhere safe," Tsunami said. "C'mon people, fight as hard as you can!"

The three fought and fought, but to no avail. "I didn't believe it would work," the dozens of spammers called out in unison, "until I got $12355213 dollars delivered right to my doorstep! I'm so glad I didn't break this chain letter!"

Tsunami pulled back closer to Ben and Ellcrys. "It's no use," he said bleakly. "Not only will we be overwhelmed if they keep multiplying, but soon the whole world will be covered with spammers!"

"We doomed!" Ben Mo shouted as he bashed uselessly at the crowd of spammers with his mop.

Suddenly there was an explosion above them, and small bits of rubble rained down. It was followed quickly by a burst of flames which enveloped the spammers, driving them back away from the party. When the flames died down, a rope was dangling down from a hole that had been blown in the ceiling of the cave, revealing a starry night sky above which framed a familiar face...

"B!" Tsunami exclaimed, climbing the rope eagerly. The others followed closely, kicking at the spammers who tried to follow.

"You... you rescued us?" Ellcrys asked B incredulously, once they'd reached the top.

The fire goddess dropped the rope into the crowd of spammers below, then turned away. "Don't misunderstand me," she said coldly as she levitated herself into the air and began to fly off. "I just wanted my dog back."

Ben, Ellcrys, and Tsunami exchanged puzzled glances. "...Dog?" Ben pondered out loud.

"Ahhh, it doesn't matter," Ellcrys said. "We have the Game Shark of Ben Lansing, so now let's use it and bring back J. Parrish, before Rreima sends something else after us. Tsunami, if you would...?"

"Sure thing!" Tsunami began pushing colored buttons on the device, seemingly at random, and a figure appeared before them in a flash of light.

Ellcrys stared at the new person in disgust. "Uhmmm..."

"Something seem to be wrong with Lord J," Ben observed, looking at the unfamiliar figure which stood before them.

"You idiot!" Ellcrys hissed at Tsunami, snatching the Game Shark from his hands. "That's Nau Purintingu!" The dryad pushed a few more buttons, and the strange, motionless person was replaced by a much more familiar figure...

"Lord J!" Ben Mo joyfully exclaimed.

"Don't call me that," J. Parrish sighed. "It's good to be back, thank you, Ben... Ellcrys...?" His eyes fell upon the dryad gazing shyly at him. She blushed (which is hard for a wooden entity to do, by the way) and turned away at his approach. "Thank you too," he told her gently.

"Oh, J..." Ellcrys whispered anxiously. "I'm so glad you're back - I had something to ask you..."

"Yes..?"

"I was wondering if..." she paused and licked her lips nervously before continuing. "If I still have something caught between my teeth."

J. Parrish took a quick look and shook his head. "Nope, all clear."

"If you guys don't mind," Tsunami said impatiently, "we still have a pit full of spammers down there to deal with. Lord J-"

"Don't you start," J interrupted sharply.

"Do you know how we can stop the spammers before they overrun the planet?"

"Well..." J thought for a moment. "The spammers are highly resilient to ordinary attacks. The only thing I know of that can stop them is... the Summon Tidwell materia!"

Ben, Ellcrys, and Tsunami gasped. "The Summon Tidwell materia?" Ben and Ellcrys said in unison.

"J, I just realized something," Tsunami said.

"Yeah? What's that?" the Lord of Order prompted.

Tsunami paused. "You're scrumptious!"

To be continued... whenever whoever's turn it is decides they feel like it. ^_^